You know how James Bond has weapons disguised as common objects, like bazooka pens, so he can sneak his weapons past the enemy? Well, what if Obama is a big peacenik president who is like, “I don’t like weapons. Weapons are bad. No more weapons.” Then the military may need to hide weapons in common objects to sneak them past him.
MILITARY COMMANDER: These aren’t bazookas. They’re pens. We’re just making the military lots of pens.
OBAMA: I dunno. Something seems fishy here. What does the military needs with pens? I thought everyone in it was illiterate and that’s why they got stuck in Iraq.
MILITARY COMMANDER: No, that’s… Hey, look what I found! It’s a bucket that looks approximately the size of your head.
OBAMA: Interesting. Being a very smart person, I do have an intellectual curiosity about such things. Now, if I look at the radius for this bucket and remember the equation for the volume of a cylinder, then… Ahh! I got the bucket stuck on my head!
MILITARY COMMANDER: Quick! Arm up the military before he gets it off!
Yeah, that’s pretty much how I envisioned warfare would be like in the 21st century.
Meh, I’ll stick with the old-fashioned knife hidden in the sole of a shoe.
They just have to be careful not to disguise any weapons as buckets. That could have disastrous consequences besides the perceived martyrdom of Obama. Two words; President Joe Biden. :oD
Well, then the pen really is mightier than the sword in this case.
LOL … can’t … breathe … bucket on the head … that one kills me every time.
– They could have a “water balloon festival” or a “water balloon awareness session”, but use special double-secret off-budget military balloon technology and fill the balloons with Sodium and kerosene, or something similar.
– Use regular guns but paint them pink, which will of course render them harmless.
Yes, there are plenty of harmless-looking but thoroughly lethal items.
No, actually warfare under an Obama administration would be much more similar to the ridiculous Iran hostage crisis…with some of the same players still involved.
Dennis Kucinich is still drumming up support for his ‘Department of Peace’…
MILITARY COMMANDER: Quick! Arm up the military before he gets it off!
COLIN POWELL: (Secretary of Defense, Obama administration) Hey Commander! Knock if off! That’s racist. You’re fired!!
OBAMA: Thank you, Colin. Everyone is trying that these days. We need to put a stop to it. It’s soooo embarrassing.
COLIN POWELL: You’re welcome, Mr. President. Don’t worry. I’m black; you’re black. I’ll protect you. Stick with me.
OBAMA: (Pushes secret button to enable hidden wet bar.) Wanna drink? (Makes himself a drink.)
COLIN POWELL: No. No thank you, sir.
OBAMA: Smoke? Crack? Weed? (Lights up and drags hard…)
COLIN POWELL: Oh, no thank you sir. I have to set a good example for my department.
OBAMA: How about a game of Wii? There’s a new one out called “We Were Soldiers In Iraq.” It’s got everything: helmets, M-4’s, vests, everything. (Pushes another button that turns a Wii game wall around, with game running.) Here’s your helmet and stuff.
COLIN POWELL: Hey that looks like fun! Thanks! Reminds me of the first Iraq war! (Puts the helmet on). Wish you’d been there, Mr. President? (Obama doesn’t answer.)
(The two play war games for a few minutes. Powell beats the pants off the President.)
COLIN POWELL: I can’t get it off! Owie! My head!! It hurts! Get it off me. It’s stuck. Damn. Mr. President…
(COLIN POWELL’s head is stuck in a helmet. The President laughs.)
OBAMA: You’ve got a fat head, Mr. Secretary. Or should I address you as “General?” (Snorts.)
pfft, department of Peace… I say we need the department of WAR! back.
Does anybody remember the famous Neutron Bomb? N-Bomb for short (Not to be confused with the other N-Bomb) Eliminates all the bad guys, but leaves their stuff intact. Can you make one of those look like an ink pen?
Just in case you wouldn’t think someone from Idaho did not have a “sensitive side”, full of warm fuzzies that would appeal to the dwellers in blue states please consider the following verse. The format is in IDAHO HAIKU.
When you fill out an Obama application they really just wand to know if you are a sensitive, caring, loving, giving, holding hands with the world child of the universe. Expressing yourself as such will instantly calm them and take away their fears.
GUN HAIKU
The gun is my friend.
We go everywhere together
It’s never angry
Guns are warm, cozy
They sleep with me, make me laugh
Guns are warm or cold
Sometimes they are blue
Yet never sad always glad
Comfort me with calm
Guns are dependable
They like breakfast, lunch, dinner
Going places new
Very loud mostly quiet
They ask not, rarely complain
Hating only cheap ammo
The gun loves feedom
Life, Liberty, HappIness
Is all my gun wants
In the words of a RINO:
What? There’s nothing to see here. I’m just a rhino with bottle rockets on my back. I’m really not that mean. Weapons? No, no no…those are bottle rockets, not rocket launchers.