Things aren’t going so great for Obama popularity wise. Liberals don’t think he’s following through on their issues and the rest of America no longer have hopes of him being a competent, dedicated president. Obama is planning on taking some big actions to change those perceptions, and we here at IMAO have obtained a list of those plans:
TOP TEN PLANS BY OBAMA TO IMPROVE HIS POPULARITY
10. Pretend he accidentally sent a large balloon off with Malia inside so as to look like a sympathetic parent.
9. Be on TV more.
8. Try even harder to gain favor on both sides of the Afghanistan conflict by announcing he’ll be sending 100,000 more troops there to pave the way for a complete surrender.
7. Find out the exact things people don’t like about him and tell everyone that that’s Bush’s fault.
6. Jump a shark on water skis to prove his bravery.
5. Do a music number.
4. Show he can get results through hard work by improving his gold handicap.
3. Prove he’s a committed progressive by getting gay married.
2. Try not to scowl so much at the flag during the pledge of allegiance.
And the number one plan by Obama to improve his popularity…
Show everybody that he’s actually a sparkly vampire.
I’m glad you didn’t say “improve.”
Actually, I lost it at #5.
Dress his teleprompters to look like statesman, and have them bow to him
Arrange photo op at the local bowling alley
Sit down for an interview with Glenn Beck
Expand his out reach program by blogging on LGF
Improv comedy night!
It started out saying “Prove” and now it says “Improve.” I was hoping you wouldn’t say that.
‘3. Prove he’s a committed progressive by getting gay married.”
Man, that one is just way too easy. I applaud his open-mindedness evidenced in the inter-species gay marriage he already has with that Klingon M’chel. Very progressive.
11. Create even more bloated Government programs that give people money back from their own wallets.
12. Distract everyone from the Tiger Woods fallout by sending a few cruise missiles Bosnia’s way. I mean, it sorta worked with Billy did it.
1. At the next televised entertainment awards show, make out with a guy.
2. Adopt a poor african child. Or maybe just help out his brother.
3. Cucumber in the pants (front of the pants, please)
4. Resign
13. After our full surrender in Iraq and Afghanistan, perform a televised Seppuku.
13. Go to the beach and let people take pics.
14. Get Biden to cut some eye-holes in the bucket so he can see the person before he bows down.
He could step down.
That works on so many levels.
First, people will be “Yay! He’s gone”, thereby improving his popularity.
Then, we’ll realize now Joe Biden is president.
Which at first seems bad, but think about it, nothing makes you look better than some dolt doing
your job worse than you did.
People will be all “Gee, Biden sure is screwing everything up, I really wish Obama were still president”.
16. Wiggle his ears and make silly goo goo sounds.
17. Appear on Sesame Street as Bert and Earnie’s sweater-wearing lisping neighbor.
18. Nuke the moon.
(Something went horribly wrong with the numbering sequence.)
* Prove he’s for the common man by offering ‘broom-ready’ jobs to clean-up after his administration when he’s gone.
* Order the stockpile of pink paper to be replenished ASAP so he, too, can blame Congress and send them pink slips when his government shuts down.
* Offer to throw the first pitch at the Super Bowl proving to America that he makes mistakes and is human, after all, and actually, kinda stupid.
Prove he’s a committed progressive by getting gay married……good idea, I hear Tiger Woods may be looking for a new trophy wife.
He’s not called Tiger anymore. He has to go by the name “Cheetah” now.
(Disclaimer: I stole the joke)
I thought number one was going to be….RESIGN.
19. Build a wall on the Mexican border…
…with himself on the other side.
He needs to start banging bar babes and then crash the POTUS limo into the front gate with “my belle” in hot pusuit with a large “Unit Removal Device” in hot pusuit!
Frank, ussjimmycarter is funnier than you are today. LOL.
“3. MarkoMancuso says: Improv comedy night!”
I can see it now: “Uh, uh, uh, stop me if, uh, you, uh, uh, heard, uh, uh, uh, this one.”
the pResident has heard your advice
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2649/4002450707_4ef15512d6.jpg
*Divorce his wife and take up with Megan Fox
*Friend everyone on Facebook
*promise every child a zhu-zhu pet for Christmas
*sign up for next season’s Dancing with the Stars
Bring back the “Chia Obama” and leave one in everyone’s stocking.
Serve as a guest judge on American Idol or So You Think You Can Dance and praise all the contestants.
“Prove he’s a committed progressive by getting gay married”
I thought he already is. The first Wook isn’t a dude?
Announce the formation of a Million Man Mop brigade to help him clean-up
Admit he isn’t spending much time on “service” and announcing a summit with ex-President Zipper and Tiger, on how to best engage female government employees on providing better “service”.
Storm 1911
Wiggle his ears and make silly goo goo sounds.
Wiggle his ears to cure glowball warming.
FTFY
Announce that he will now be a more X-treme president. Then he could rip off his suit and tie to reveal a Mountain Dew boogey board body suit and then go surf the Potomac while eating Doritos. EXtreme Doritos.
Release his sex tape as Nancy Pelosi Does DC so all Republicans will have gouged their eyes out just thinking about watching it. Then blame Bush for his bad performance in bed.
Two words:
Free monkeys!
I think the Commander in Chief should personally lead a Special Forces squad into a Taliban stronghold and fight for the country he loves so dearly, don’t you?
20. Do a Barrel Roll.
21. Kick those burgers up a notch! BAM!
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Figure out how to get that bucket off his head.
Free monkeys? Are you kidding me?
Develop a new catch phrase, like, “Heyyyyyyyyyyyy!” or, “Whatchu talkin about, Biden?”, “Hello, Nurse!”,or scream, “GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!” at any opportunity.
Decide to be the anti-LBJ and de-escalate the war and have a dog pick him up by the ears.
21. Make a guest appearance on “LA Ink” and get a tat
22. Make sure every homeless person in America gets a blender.
23. Date Dennis Rodman
24. Out law foie gras
25. Legalize Pot
Remind everyone, once again, that he’s black.
Give a presidential pardon to Tiger – then tee up on the White House lawn for a golf contest charging $%*!#,000,000 per White House crasher and then if anything or anybody gets out of hand – blame it on George Bush
Can Obama marrying himself be considered Gay Marriage?
It’s a frightening thought that there really IS someone out there who could do a worse job than Obama does.
I was shocked, shocked I tell you, that the number one answer did not involve Fred Thompson in any way.
* Request a flyby, and then, when denied, buzz the tower anyway.
You, sir, win even more internets than normal for giving me the image of Obama as a sparkly Twilight vampire.
Resign and appoint Biden president so he seems good by comparison.
Biden would Not be a worser president than Baracca, just more obviously bad, which would be better for us.