Random Thoughts

Before cable, was everyone just unable to watch most Olympic events?

If there were mascots like Admiral Ackbar when I was a kid, I would have been more interested in sports.

The first clue of danger is that it’s called the “killer” whale and not the “hugging” whale. Also fear the “humpback” whale.

I don’t know what a “beluga” whale does and I don’t want to know. I don’t even want to mention Moby Dick’s species.

Democrats believe they need to pass a health care bill to allow the mothership hiding behind the comet to take their souls.

Once we really understand man-made global warming, maybe we can use it as a weapon against enemy planets.

You don’t even have to leave the solar system before light becomes too slow for any practical purposes. How would you like it to take hours for your tweets to appear? That’s what tweeting from Pluto would be like.

“Middle of the 11th end of an exciting game and… let’s break for commercial!” Hate NBC. I hope they choke on their Leno.

“Voltron” is not an acceptable Scrabble word? That sucks.

Crazy pants gets you silver.

Many liberals seem go on a lot about how conservatives can’t be funny, which ironically makes them seem very angry and humorless.

Chimps are funny. Are they trying to assert that chimps are liberals?

I think chimps are liberals. I do want to punch them.

I just thought of a way to way to make people invisible: super heat them until they become a gas.

Woo! Who knew hockey could be as exciting as curling?!

Can’t feel too bad about losing to Canada at hockey; they were just the better team. Hard to imagine us ever beating them.

14 Comments

  1. “Middle of the 11th end of an exciting game and… let’s break for commercial!”

    I suggest you stop watching curling. How can one respect a sport dominated by Canadians?

    Can’t feel too bad about losing to Canada at hockey; they were just the better team. Hard to imagine us ever beating them.

    “Can’t feel too bad about losing”? Them words are hateful. Americans do not accept losing, even in pathetic “sports” like this absurd hockey.

    [Are you going to make me explain the joke? -Ed.]

  2. The truth about hockey: a bunch of millionaires shoved each other around and swung sticks at a puck until it landed in the US net, mostly by chance.

    Then for some reason I can’t fathom – life became worth living to my fellow Canadians.

    plus I overheard some drunks chanting U.S. GAY! I think they may have issues.

  3. The first clue of danger is that it’s called the “killer” whale and not the “hugging” whale. Also fear the “humpback” whale.

    I heard a news report stating that the word “killer” is a bit of a “misnomer.”

    The real truth is more Cheney-like. There is a Californian pod of “killer” whales among which individual “killer” whales regularly kill and eat adult great white sharks–in *solo* attacks.

    Whale v. human, I bet on the whale.

  4. Olympics coverage has bitten the big one since NBC took the coverage over from ABC. The loghting of this year’s torch was as about as bad as it gets.

    I predict a South Park episode about giant inflatable mounties and beavers. Hard to take a country seriously with giant inflatable moutnies and beavers.

    Algore has an op-ed on global warming. I guess his hibernation is over. The op-ed is a classic of Science! to be repeated and honored throughoput history.

  5. In the 50’s and 60’s, the Olympics were on TV like 18 hours/day. Little fanfare, actual event coverage of most participants and practically no commercials. Nice.

    I was just in B.C. and the hockey final started as I flew home. You know, I was worried about Canadian men having nervous breakdowns if they lost. I mentioned this out loud in a coffee shop and one Canadian man replied, “Don’t worry, we can handle it.” He was the only real man there, I think. The rest were spiking their coffee with something and ready to faint and fall down.

  6. NBC’s coverage of the Olympics sucked…trying to please everybody at once with two minutes of coverage at a time before switching to another event. And, who was the annoying lesbian with the moose, who’s voice was deeper than James Earl Jones?

    …and, when you beat American Idol in viewership, yet you lose money on the broadcasts, clearly there must be a lib running your business plan.

  7. This just in: Admiral Akbar’s first name is Allahu. It’s a Trap!
    Killer whales are a misnomer, they’re actually large( the largest) killer dolphins.
    Tillicum,the hugging whale, otherwise known as Atilla the Killa, was just playing…..with his food.
    Beluga whales? So they eat caviar?
    Moby Dick was Herman Melville’s porn star name.
    You don’t even have to leave the Solar System before HealthCare becomes too slow for any practical purposes. Just go to Canada, or the U.K.
    Chimps want to rip your face, arms, and gonads off. Go ahead, make their day.
    If you superheat people until they become gases, you’ll be increasing greenhouse gases, contributing to ManBearPig Warming.

  8. I just thought of a way to way to make people invisible: super heat them until they become a gas.

    I hate to rain on your normally funny parade by invoking the Almighty Godwin, but somebody already tried that. It was called the Holocaust.

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