Call me old fashioned, but I wrote a letter to President Obama the other day and sent it through regular old snail mail. Here’s what I sent him.
Dear Mr. President,
You seem to be having a lot of trouble in the presidency, and I want to help you out. Included with this letter is the classifieds from a newspaper and I circled all the jobs I think you might be better at than president. Also, I mailed with this a brochure for this nice home that I think Joe Biden would like. It has a bridge club.
Hope everything works out well!
Cordially,
Frank J.
And here’s the reply I got:
Now I know where you live.
I guess it’s a form letter.
This is clearly a fake. What job could you possibly have found in the classifieds that Obama would be qualified for?
ncluded with this letter is the classifieds from a newspaper and I circled all the jobs I think you might be better at than president.
Its a very very very very very very …. long list.
Jobs oslama might be better at than president:
* prison hose catcher
* acorn gatherer
* Skwerl bait
* Bucket Tester
You didn’t include the part where Obama spelled your surname with an extra m.
Dear Flemming,
You ruined Belgian’s waffles! I love waffles! I hate you!
Signed,
Obama
Oh, right. Now he’s going to play the foreign policy card with trip all the way to Idaho. Wait. Did you say India?
This is no big deal, we’ve sent out millions of ‘We know where you live’ letters in recent days….Robert Gibbs, press secretary and mailroom functionary, Whitehouse, Washington DC. PS And the President rejects your idea that he’d make a good attendant at the elephant house of the Boise zoo.
Uh oh, that means he probably going to send a few IRS or FBI agents to pay you a ‘visit’, for questioning our ‘Dear Leader”
Did the Presidential Seal fall off the letterhead when you opened it? Cause if not, it was forgery.
Besides, they gave up paying jobs for pubic service.
Dear Farnk,
Thank you for your note. I have instructed Labor Secretary Solis to investigate why there are still jobs available in your area and to put a stop to it immediately.
Sincerely,
Barack Obama
Good one DamnCat.
Dear Frnak,
You are a big doodie head. Do not try to tell me how to do my job. If you had done yours, I would not be in this mess in the first place.
XOXO
bArrY
Eric Holder is on thje way. There will be a stand off at the Branch IMAOian compound. Frank, you better get some New Black Panthers to guard your home.
Dear Frank,
Bernanke just took all of your money while you weren’t looking.
Sucker.
BHO
Big deal, I take everybody’s money…Big Ben (and not the one in Pittsburgh)
Dear Mr. Fleming,
Let me be absolutely clear; the Republicans drove the car into the ditch and then they had slurpees, which as I said at my press conference are very tasty. Anyway, we were down there in the mud, pushing and arguing with the car’s owner about how to get it out of the ditch. Then the Republicans asked for the keys back. There’s no way we’re giving the keys back to the Republicans. Besides, we lost the keys. To tell the truth, we wouldn’t know what to do with the keys if we actually had them. So, we’re down there pushing and pushing, but then the car rolled back and ran over us.
Your Friend,
President Obama
Dear Mr. Flemmining,
Your letter has been forwarded to the The Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security for the homeland. But I want you to know that I take great offense at the overall tone of your letter, noting that you are no doubt a bitter, bible-toting, gun-clinging, right-wing, teabagging Republican whitety who’s been hoodwinked and bamboozled many times by the likes of Rush Limbow. Owing to the many political undergrounds and militias in Boise State (the last and 57th state, I might add), I will not be traveling there but have chosen India, instead, which I hope to make the 58th state. I’m told they kind of like me there and dammit Bush, why the hell did you have such a good relationship with them? And I could use a hug. I need to get away… Those bastards beat me up so badly. Screw you Flaming, and your little dog, too -Barack Obama
Dear Frank Flemming,
I’m sorry that I have been unable to get my message through your thick skull! Anyway, I’m traveling to India and will be indisposed for a few days. However, I want you to know that we take seriously the feelings of the American people. I have forwarded on your letter to Ms Janet Napolitano who shall be most happy to address your concerns. I have asked her to visit you personally and search deeply and probe for your true feelings about me. Oh, and just so you know I now know who you are and we are such good friends, expect future visits from the FBI, IRS, and the ATF.
Best Regards,
Barack Obama
Dear Frank J. Flemming,
Or is it Fleming? Anyway, much tidings od I bring to theee oh Fleming of Idaho. When once you psoted great blog psot I decied i must engage at once in the practice or fposting things here to encourage you much to excellent. Tremendous greatness I find here. Thank you very much!!! The blog post is much happy bring here in Nigeria with lots of fun time time for landlords of whom greatnesss is well known. Mama sends blessing to thee oh Flemming!
Signed,
President Barack Obama
I think the above posting is just more spam. My advice pay no attention to it.
Never include your return address.
Or use the address of that guy down the street who keeps feeding the squirrels.
That’s the problem! Obama is part of the Nigerian Bankers scam! Now it makes sense!
I’m surprised he answered a snail mail. I’ve been emailing him for almost 2 years at whitehouse.gov with advice and critiques and evaluations of
his performance in office. He hasn’t thanked me. He hasn’t even replied ONCE. Really RUDE SOB. He’s on his own for the next 2 years. No more help.