What to Do with the Angry Left?

So has the recent election taught liberals anything? No, not really. They’re still crazy angry, and everything that made votes angry they still want more of. Basically, they think Obama’s problem was that he didn’t punch America in the groin hard enough, and if he just does it harder and more relentlessly, they’ll totally love it.

The question always is how to appease these guys without actually do anything policy-wise they want. What’s useful for that is they’re actually pretty petty. The left act like they care about things like universal health care, but they’ll never get as animated about that as trashing Bristol Palin’s latest performance an Dancing with the Stars. They’re just angry people and there isn’t much rhyme or reason to them. So maybe Democrats can appease the left by finding something petty to do that most people wouldn’t care about. Like try to get Sarah Palin’s show on TLC moved so it’s only on at late night. Or an official, non-binding resolution making fun of Glenn Beck’s hair. Remember, these are the people who want every congressman to be like Alan Grayson; mindless anger that accomplishes nothing is what they crave the most. Just need to find a way to let that out that doesn’t absolutely disgust normal Americans.

Alternatively, they can just be locked in their basement without an internet connection until election day.

21 Comments

  1. “Alternatively, they can just be locked in their basement without an internet connection until election day.”

    Unfortunately, that would fall under cruel and unusual punishment. What did their basements ever do to you anyway? You’re just a radical basement hating Nazi, aren’t you?

  2. They could take a cue from Cynthia McKinney and try to run the Israeli blockade aboard ships carrying “humanitarian aid” to the Palestinians. It would be fun to watch and get them out of our hair for a while.

  3. So a liberal is angry. So what are they going to do about it? Their men are all pansies who listen to NPR all day and are slapped around by their liberal women when they get home at night. Like we are worried about these wussies. As for the liberal women…just one glance at some will turn a person to stone so they are very dangerous and need to be hunted down and dispatched. However, beware! There is one who’s evilness is evil of all evils! That one is Hillary Clinton. Do not, under any circumstances approach, look upon or even think about this wench or you may suffer the “Wrath of Foster” and you too shall find yourself in Ft. Marcy Park having committed suicide by shooting yourself in the back of the head 5 times. And the wench shall hover over head claiming “Muwahahahahahahahahah”!!!!

  4. …Despite all their rage they are still just a rat in a cage…

    I would love to read a study that identifies the numerical tipping point of population density to which a people will become angry and/or reality challenged leftists.

    My guess is its something around 50 people per sq mile. Essentially if you share your square mile with more then 50 people then the majority of you will worship a false cartoon like romanticized “nature” and wish someone would control all the people around you so you could live in peace.

    Humans individually and collectively are overall much better off with a little elbow room for them to be themselves.

  5. Inspired by a previous post tell the liberals that there has been a renewal of the nuclear arms race and money is being transfered romm food stamps and sex changes. Arrange a sit in on that big mound near Los Alamos at noon as a mega protest. Invite them all. Free pot and cookies and giant paper mache puppets. We can have an auction for charity as to who gets to push the button.

  6. Send them cool pictures of Sarah Palin holding assorted weapons. Send them bags they can put over their heads to contain their head explosion when Boehner introduces a bill to repeal Obamacare. Begin every conversation with a lefty with “Well, I was listening to Rush today and …

  7. Most hardcore democrat voters are generally pretty excited about shiny objects. Jiggle your keys in front of them and they’ll be amused for hours. A laser pointer will keep them fascinated for days.

  8. Appeal to their superior intellect: Tell them that they are all really wise and enlightened Judges and it’s time for them to take all that knowledge to the rest of the world with their “Long Walk.”

    Don’t appeal to their superior intellect: Punch them in the face repeatedly and then tell them it’s what Che would do.

    Appeal to their earth religion: Bio-Dome 2012 Greenland, since they metaphorically live in a bubble anyhow why not make it a little more real. Al Gore could be king but only after he beats James Cameron in a death match.

    OR

    Tell them we found Pandora and all they need to do is get in our new Minute Men rocket ships. The in flight movie will be “A Realistic Plan for World Peace.”

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