If you know me, I like to be helpful. Well, with Detroit having completely collapsed, it seems like I should help figure out something to do with the city. Otherwise, they’re going to try to get a bailout, and, well, that would just be money thrown down a bottomless pit. The government might as well just move on from there to burning our hard-earned money.
But if we put on our capitalist hat, I’m sure we can think of some use for the devastated and nearly abandoned Detroit.
IDEAS FOR DETROIT
* Come to Detroit to film your ad about the dangers of government. Ominous voice overs provided on site.
* Ever want to chuck hand grenades at buildings? $50 a pop.
* World’s biggest paint ball course.
* Move all gangs to Detroit and build giant walls around it. Escape from Detroit! (well, most already did, but it’s a little late now)
* Military bomb test site.
* Go to city for filming apocalypse movies. Zombie apocalypse, nuclear apocalypse, virus attack — Detroit has the look for your movie about the utter devastation of man.
* Fill with bears and make it a national park — Bear City.
* Get media to pretend Detroit had a big turnaround in its economy and then sell it to a gullible nation.
* Leave as is as warning to others.
So that’s what I got. You guys have any ideas?
The ultimate Survivor show. Last person left becomes “King of Detroit”.
Bemusement Park. (“How the heck did this happen?”)
Is the 82nd Airborne’s current training facility getting a little boring for them?
Name change: Paul Deen Proving Ground
@2: (shoulda been “Paula” Deen)
World’s Largest Chuck E. Cheese
(selling point: giant rats already in place)
Target site for testing moon-capable nuclear missile designs.
* Litterbox
Rename it “Windsor South” and move the Canadian border a bit.
HGTV Show: “Flip This City!”
Put sign out front: “Welcome Illegal Immigrants. Here is your first project.”
Dig a tunnel from Detroit to Mexico; install monitor to see which direction immigration goes.
Surround it with barbed-wire and machine gun posts and and lockup all unrepentant Conservatives there. Oh wait that was a 80’s Liberal Weatherman idea. My bad.
robocop petting zoo
nuclear testing ground
halfway house for illegals, then nuclear testing ground
Find out how much Japan would pay us to have Detroit Godzilla-sit for a few weeks.
How about confining the president, his cabinet, congress and political wannabes there.
Those who come up with viable solutions to fix the problem are allowed to leave.
Giant SWAT training range, give SWAT officers live guns and let them train with the gang bangers in an AVP set up.
…a place to perfect that Soylent Green recipe.
Have a montage of Detroit scenes deliver the Republican rebuttal to the next State of the Union address.
Shouldn’t you fill Detroit with lions and tigers instead of bears?
Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
I would pay to go to Bear city.
@16 isophorone: I admire anyone able to boo their own jokes!
If I did that it would be too noisy in here to think.
Hope that “troit” becomes a synonym for “molished.”
How much gas is left in Detroit’s cars? That might be worth something.
..
Is there some Cash For Clunkers program for cities?!?
Grab a handi-cam and film a remake of “A Clockwork Orange.” Way, way cheaper than the original.
(“This is your city on droogs. . . “)
Retirement home for politicians.