So Obama gave a rare press conference Friday, and he had a lot of asinine things to say. Obamacare is like an iPad. The NSA spying is like doing the dishes or something. His presidency is like a toddler playing with a power drill (he didn’t say that analogy; I think it was implied). But he also said this interesting thing: When asked how he could just suspend a provision of Obamacare willy nilly without having it go through Congress, he justified it by saying he did it in “consultation with businesses.”
Did you know that was a thing? You can just do an end run around the Constitution by consulting with businesses? Plus, who knew Obama even knew how to talk to businesses; they have all these words like “costs,” “profit,” and “budget” that are completely foreign concepts to him.
Man, I hope it’s a real thing that a president can do just whatever he wants as long as he consults with businesses first because a Republican will certainly get more use out of it than a Democrats. I mean, Democrats are like this abusive boyfriend to business (“I’m only taxing you because I love you!”), but businesses actually like Republicans. Think of what can get done in the future.
“Uh, Mr. President, we see you unilaterally suspended the minimum wage.”
“Yes. You see, I consulted with businesses and they didn’t like the minimum wage.”
“And drilling operations are going on everywhere now.”
“Well, business said they really like to drill for oil, so I told them to stop worry about any regulations on that.”
“And you suspended the elections.”
“Businesses were a bit worried Democrats would get elected.”
“Also, you imprisoned all of the New York Times in Gitmo.”
“Yeah, while businesses didn’t tell me to do that, I felt it was heavily implied.”
Wow, Obama is giving me a lot of interesting precedents for when I become president in 2017.
“Businesses didn’t like Obamacare so we made it optional – and stuck Obama’s head in a toilet.”
Well, that’s because Evil Rethuglicans must be held to the standards of angels (Even though the press hates religion almost as much as the military) (Except islam which is a religion that also hates freedom so they LOVE it) wheras Democrats are SUPPOSED to be Criminals.
“Businesses don’t like Hillary Clinton, so we told her to shut the hell up – and also taped her mouth shut.”
When you don’t have any idea what you’re doing, you make it up as you go along.
Businesses told me coconuts migrate, so I awarded 75 billion dollars to countries that have migrating coconuts and countries that have mooseslimes.
Businesses told me they don’t like carbon, so let me be clear, the epa will ban carbon
Businesses seem to think they matter. Let me be clear, they don’t. I do. I won. They will suffer. I said so. I need to play golf now.
Businesses said they don’t like congress. So I have banished them. They were cutting into my golf game.
Obviously, “consultation with businesses” means consultation with political donors.