Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The weirdest moment at the Grammy Awards…
Archive of entries posted on January 2014
Attack Cows
A report from Germany says that cows blew up a shed at a farm in Rasdorf.
Methane gas from 90 flatulent cows exploded in a German farm shed on Monday, damaging the roof and injuring one of the animals, police said.
Why were cows collecting the gas? What do they have in mind? Are they plotting against us? Did we dodge a bullet here, and the cows tip their hand by accidentally blowing themselves up?
Here in the US, cows are best known as advertising icons for a chicken restaurant. Well, that and giving milk. And…
Oh. Yeah. Hamburgers.
Maybe that’s it. Maybe they don’t like being in sammiches. So, why are they collecting their farts to blow things up in Germany? Well, what’s the most famous sammich in which you’ll find cow parts? That’s right. Hamburgers. And where is Hamburg? Yep, in Germany.
So, what do we do? Nothing. The hamburger was actually invented in the US, not in Germany. Stupid cows don’t have any idea what they’re doing.
I’m not saying it’s okay that cows are blowing things up in Germany. I’m saying that the Germans got it under control. They don’t need out help. If any country knows how to wage war on a group, it’s Germany. That’s why the terrorists don’t attack them.
Random Thoughts: Axes, Macklemore, and the Rich
My daughter gave my mom a Grammy award.
Can you use a battle axe to cut firewood or do I need two separate axes?
Macklemore sounds like a good name for schlubby, plainclothes detective who doesn’t always play by the rules.
Don’t know about Nazi references, but many see the rich as these infinite pinatas they can constantly whack and will always drop more candy.
October 21, 2015 is the date when hopefully we should stop seeing photoshopped images claiming today is the day Marty McFly arrives in the future.
But at Least His Talk Is Still Cheap
The budget recently signed by President Obama will cost taxpayers nearly $3 million per word.
Probably did that on purpose so his $10.10/hr minimum wage proposal seems less extravagant.
Government Is Our Friend
Meh. Top 10’s Are for Late Night Talk Shows Anyway
After seven straight years of decline, the US has dropped out of the list of top 10 most economically free countries.
SUCH a relief to finally be able to relax without all that pressure to keep up our winning streak.
In Summation: Progressive Hypocrisy
Link of the Day: Satire – White House Warns of Coming “Polar Bear Vortex”
[High Praise! to ScrappleFace]
White House Warns of Coming “Polar Bear Vortex”
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Wisdom of the Day: Kids Operation Future Chinese
Jealous that when my kids look up nostalgic videos from THEIR youth on YouTube decades from now, they'll all be 1080p.
— Bill Amend (@billamend) January 25, 2014
Separating conjoined twins is a complicated operation. That's why when I explain the risks to you both, I need your undivided attention.
— Brent (@murrman5) January 25, 2014
I believe that children are the future
Shave their heads and teach them about Xxysdk 2398
— Michael Kupperman (@MKupperman) January 26, 2014
Next Monday is Chinese Martin Luther King Day.
— Mike Leffingwell (@mikeleffingwell) January 26, 2014
Let’s Tweak That Tech
The US Border Patrol is now using wireless camera-equipped robots to search the tunnels that smugglers use to sneak things across the border.
Sounds like what we really need is a robot than can brick up a tunnel entrance.
Obama Warned Us – Differences
Now, I’m not naive. I never thought that the mere fact of my election would usher in peace and harmony — and some post-partisan era. I knew that both parties have fed divisions that are deeply entrenched. And on some issues, there are simply philosophical differences that will always cause us to part ways. These disagreements, about the role of government in our lives, about our national priorities and our national security, they’ve been taking place for over 200 years. They’re the very essence of our democracy.
BARACK OBAMA, State of the Union Address, Jan. 27, 2010
“But the other essence of democracy is ‘winner take all’. I won, and now I’m a-takin'”
Straight Line of the Day: Obama’s New Ambassador to Norway Made Several Erroneous Statements About the Country, Including…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Obama’s new ambassador to Norway made several erroneous statements about the country, including…
Coca-Cola hacked!
You heard about the data breach at Target. Then, the one at Neiman-Marcus. But now, Coca-Cola has been hacked.
Think about that for a minute. You might have Coca-Cola in your refrigerator. Which means there’s hackers in your house. Or your Westinghouse!
And, if you don’t, there’s still the chance you’ve ordered a Coke at a drive-thru. That means you ended up with a Quarter Pounder, Large Fries, and Russian Hacker in the bag.
Hit the break room at work? Put a dollar in the machine, and it dispenses a security threat in a 20-oz bottle.
There’s no hiding any more. Hackers are in your wallet, on your Facebook and Google machine, and now in your soft drinks.
The only place they haven’t hacked is your bathroom. When that happens, it’s really going to hit the fan.
Random Thoughts: Who and Appealing to Youths
What if Gmail is down forever? That would be like getting amnesia.
Staring to watch Dr. Who. Disappointed it’s not about an owl surgeon.
Do we eventually get backstory like seeing Mr. Who go to spacetime medical school?
Actually, if you own a pet owl and don’t name him “Dr. Who,” you’re probably the next Hitler.
So who is the second most famous Hitler?
I have an idea to make the GOP appeal to today’s youth: put sunglasses on their elephant symbol. That will be one million dollars.
The typical workday scene nowadays are weary programmers slaving away at computers while they sing in unison coding shanties.
Practically Human
Researchers using a Japanese supercomputer managed to simulate 1 second of human brain activity, but it took the machine 40 minute to do it.
So… sorta like waiting for Joe Biden to get to the point of a story.