[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]
Archive of entries posted on July 2014
Link of the Day: I Will Not Be Pushed, Filed, Stamped, Indexed, Briefed, Debriefed or Numbered
[High Praise! to CCO via According to Hoyt]
Letting Bureaucrats Run With Codes
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Wisdom of the Day: Bagels Love Fatty Pizza Elephant Schrodinger Babies Crime
My nickname at work is "don't tell her about the bagels."
— pin up teacher (@pinupteacher) July 24, 2014
"I may not be a very smart man, but I know what Love is." Forrest Gump chuckles, taunting his tennis opponent after blanking him for a set.
— Glenn (@justabloodygame) July 24, 2014
[son crying]
"What's wrong?"
"The kids at school pick on me."
"Yeah? Do they call you fatty & poke at your tummy?"
"No."
"Oh. They should."
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) July 24, 2014
Imagine us eating pizza.
Wrong.
You're not getting any.
*shoves you*
Stop imagining you're eating my pizza!
— PaperWash© (@PaperWash) July 25, 2014
[house party]
*puts hands behind ears to hear my friend over music*
"WHAT"
*elephant walks over all up in my face*
you tryin' to be funny?
— k e e t (@KeetPotato) July 25, 2014
Damn girl are you Schrodinger's cat cos you're in a box and all these nerds are talking about you?
Sir have some respect this is a funeral.
— Bread Zeppellin (@breadzeppellin) July 25, 2014
you ever notice how babies and their parents start to resemble each other after a while
— Horton (@crushingbort) July 25, 2014
Anytime you see someone running in flip flops they're leaving the scene of a crime.
— Will Kane (@3rdand10) July 27, 2014
It Would Be Consistent
In Florida, a woman was arrested after being found doing yoga exercises naked in the middle of the road.
Waiting for liberals to claim it was because Hobby Lobby wouldn’t pay for her gym membership.
Obama Warned Us – Demand It
“We could do so much more if we just rallied around a sense of economic patriotism.” — President Obama
@BarackObama
“Nah, I don’t know what the phrase means, either. It’s just something the focus-group wonks threw at me the other day.”
Straight Line of the Day: The Worst Part About Having President Obama’s Motorcade Go Through Your Town…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The worst part about having President Obama’s motorcade go through your town…
Random Thoughts: Palestinians, Coffee, and Female Superheroes
Palestinian leaders are calling for a “day of rage.” Great idea. That’s the problem with the Middle East: not enough rage.
How about instead of a “day of rage” they do a “day of not stupid”?
Went to get coffee, but forgot to bring my coffee mug. That’s the sort of poor thinking that happens before you have coffee.
Did you know there are people who don’t drink coffee? They are the people who are tired and stupid all day long.
Hans Gruber wrote a lot of the Obamacare bill? Can’t say I’m surprised.
So has Hamas ever tried to coherently explain what they hope to achieve by launching rockets at Israel?
PHASE 1: Launch rockets at Israeli civilians
PHASE 2: ???
PHASE 3: Palestinian statehood!
My name was plagiarized from my dad’s name.
I guess I’m for female superheroes like Wonder Woman, but what if saving the world involves math?
My tip for modern, female superheroes: pants. If you’re going to save the world, wear some pants.
A lot of female superheroes dress like saving the world has a bathing suit competition.
Holy. Look at this giant, 3-star review of my book that I don’t even think once mentions my book (I only scanned it).
Just marvel at the insanity that thinking writing a giant rant about “tea-baggers” in a random Amazon review was a great use of time.
I guess I don’t know what it’s like to think you have something to say but no place to say it where it will be paid attention to.
Well, I guess I did when I first started a blog back in 2002. But it didn’t take long to find an audience because I’m awesome.
I always roll my eyes when Chief Sitting Bull tells a joke; they’re all so maizey.
Solving the Obvious Problem
Chrysler announced that its 2015 Dodge Challenger will come with a 707 horsepower engine.
Not to be outdone, GM’s Chevy Volt has added soundproof windows so you can’t hear people laughing at you.
Caution: May Contain Brain Hurting
(Submitted by Anonymiss of Nuking Politics [High Praise!])
[How to a Create Chocolate out of Nothing] (Viewer #110,412)
Hint: with the video paused, click at 5 seconds and at 28 seconds, see if you notice a change.
Full explanation here. (Might want to turn down the volume. That music’s kind of annoying).
Also, if you try it with a Hershey Bar, the problem is a little more obvious.
NEXT!
Researchers have unveiled a new smartphone app that warns pedestrians of impending vehicle collisions.
Very useful for Obama appointees wondering when it’s their turn under the bus.
Link of the Day: Satire – Obama Sends Troops to Border After Learning Illegals Deny Climate Change
[High Praise! to The Daily Rash]
Obama Sends Troops to Border After Learning Illegals Deny Climate Change
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
lolbama! Part 192
Submit entries to lolterizt@gmail.com
Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.
From me (Harvey):
[reference link]
From Roger:
From Smilin’ Jack:
From Travelwise42 of Wise Up:
From walruskkkch:
[reference link](Obscury!)
From walruskkkch:
From walruskkkch:
[reference link]
From walruskkkch:
From walruskkkch:
From walruskkkch:
[reference link]
BONUS LINK from Mark:
Leading Obama Left – you’ll probably need to scroll down and read the detailed description in the right-hand column to get all the references, because there are a LOT of them.
This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:
walruskkkch, for actually staying awake that far into “The French Connection”
PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.
MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.
STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.
IMAGE SOURCES: Lots of great Obama pics to be found at the White House Flickr page.
Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.
Does OSHA Know About This?
A new study shows that angry, hostile people are twice as likely to have a stroke.
Most dangerous job in America: MSNBC talk show host.
Anybody Want a Peanut?
The San Francisco Giants organization is considering a policy to ban fans from wearing “culturally-insensitive” attire at AT&T Park.
Well, they had to make SOME sort of gesture to placate the offended Elevated-Americans that keep pestering them for a name change.
Link of the Day: Satire – Michelle Obama Denies Calling Clinton “Hildebeest”
[High Praise! to ScrappleFace]
Michelle Obama Denies Calling Clinton “Hildebeest”
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]