Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Google’s new satellites will have the ability to…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Google’s new satellites will have the ability to…
Google’s New Satellites Will Have the Ability to…
… read the laundry label on your new shirt – but don’t worry about privacy or anything like that.
… crash to Earth the second a subpoena is issued for an Obama administration gmail account.
Google’s new satellites will have the ability to…
erase government e-mails from 1000 miles away.
provide surveillance that the government only drools about.
eliminate problems… with extreme prejudice.
…find Waldo.
Google’s new satellites will have the ability to…
go where no man has gone before!
… slip the surly bonds of Earth’s pvivacy laws, and touch the Facebook of God.
Google’s new satellites will have the ability to…
…shoot other satellites
…catalog all the space junk
…confirm that Pluto IS actually a planet
…eavesdrop on the ISS
… enforce the planet’s name change to ‘Google Earth’ (by putting re-boots on the ground).
Google’s new satellites will have the ability to…
totally screw up your life.
… deliver personally-targeted advertisements to every human being on the planet. BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!
… even creep themselves out.
… rapidly become obsolete as Google’s corporate ADHD moves them on to the next shiny object.
… track down the three people who still like using Google Glass.
Use microwave lasers to webcrawl our brains. Eventually we’ll be able to google what we had for lunch Monday and where we put the spare Mazda keys etc.
…spy on the Chinese anti-satellite program until… oops… where’d it go?
… be a bug, not a V-ger.
… take photos, because the Google network on Earth has now become selfie-aware.
…actually grant wishes to the first person to spot them every night–just like real stars.
…read our emails and humor us with targeted advertising.
… judge SLotD entries; only difference is that it will install cookies instead of bake them.
Google’s new satellites will have the ability to…
actually remove money from anyone’s wallet, without them even noticing.
…see Uranus.
… find a needle in a haystack. I mean an actual needle in a physical haystack.
…deploy parasols to control global warming.
Use superman x-ray vision to see what you are wearing under that burka… “jihad….jihad….jihad…”
Broadcast on a continuous loop, “People of Earth, hear the righteous word of the mighty V-GINY!”