If you told me as a child that in 2014 people would stand hours in line to buy a phone, I would have thought the Soviets had won.

Is David Brooks a parody of something I just don’t get? I’ve never been able to fathom the existence of his columns.

So what’s the end goal of the equal pay bill? Women, despite wanting to stay home with kids, should be forced to work as many hours as men?

I hope at 75 I have a robot body with Gatling gun arms.

Is it sexist to be attracted to only one gender?

Just feed endangered species to the homeless. That gets rid of two problems.

If women want equality they have to commit like a ton more crime. Stop cooking dinner and start cooking meth.

Those big iPhone 6s all look so big and stupid. I’m glad – GLAD – that I’m not eligible for an upgrade yet with Verizon.

I’d say that’s the main problem with people’s conception of science: They think it deals with Truth when it actually only deals with truth.

Capital T Truth is the domain of religion. You can argue that’s unknowable, but it’s ludicrous to think science has anything to say about it.

I just remembered I had a record player as a little kid. I used to listen to Sesame Street on it. I’m older than I thought.

So which side is “anti-science” on the transgender issue? Kinda seems like it’s the ones acting like the X Y stuff doesn’t mean anything.

I get turning your brain off a little for the sake of tolerance, but when you have a man fighting a woman in MMA, turn it back on.

“So what is the game Destiny?”
“it’s a first-person shooter where…”
“ZZZZzzzzz…”