… Only registered republicans are allowed to contract Ebola. Everywhere else needs to have “Ebola-Free Zone” signs posted.
… All republicans will be wrapped in plastic and kept in isolation until after Election Day.
… Those showing symptoms (or those who want to show symptoms) with have Anonymiss cookies administered immediately.
… Those who prefer walnuts in their cookies will be allowed to simply succumb.
…ask all people coming in from West Africa if they might be infected. Hey, it works so well when we ask criminals not to carry weapons in “No Gun” zones or use scary assault guns.
“OK, I was on my way to tell the CDC how to handle this. Honest… I ran out of gas. I… I had a flat tire. I didn’t have enough money for cab fare. My clubs didn’t come back from the pro-shop. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN’T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!”
“So Democratic voters that die will still vote Democratic… Republican voters that die will start to vote Democratic… uh… so just what is the down side to Ebola?”
@34 Rodney Dill: “I think the CDC needs a new catchy tune”
Another option, by the bowling doctor and the runaway nurse:
“The problem’s all inside your head, they said to me
The answer is easy if we take it logically
I’d like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to leave Ebola
“She said, it’s really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won’t be lost or misconstrued
But I’ll repeat myself at the risk of being rude
There must be fifty ways to leave Ebola
Fifty ways to leave Ebola
“Just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
You just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
Don’t need to discuss much
Just drop out of the CDC
And act symptom-free!”
I’ve always said that people possibly infected with ebola could/should come to the USA. But I am drawing the line where my own health is concerned. I am instituting a very strict quarantine protocol, “Absolutely no Ebola people are allowed to golf”.
…1. Form a ring around a rose bush. 2. Fill your pockets with pretty flowers. 3. Consider your own mortality. 4. Take a dirt nap.
… “ask someone else; it’s above my pay grade”
… out of an abundance of caucasians.
…- to access it, you must go through the Obamacare website (good luck!)
Monty Python said it best
… Only registered republicans are allowed to contract Ebola. Everywhere else needs to have “Ebola-Free Zone” signs posted.
… All republicans will be wrapped in plastic and kept in isolation until after Election Day.
… Those showing symptoms (or those who want to show symptoms) with have Anonymiss cookies administered immediately.
… Those who prefer walnuts in their cookies will be allowed to simply succumb.
…, involving bullying state officials into adopting the official White House position, “Nothing to see here.”
… everyone else stays away from golf courses (except the more delicious-looking stray dogs, of course).
… introducing {{{drumroll and trumpet fanfare}}} Ebola Scout Merit Badges!!!
…if you get ebola, biden will squeegee you.
… blame Bush.
… bow to Ebola.
… carry disinfectant. If you see something, spray something.
… If there’s an Ebola watch in your neighborhood, disinfect it. That’s the Obama administration motto: “Lysol the time.”
…”if you like your Ebola, you can keep your Ebola!”
…any positively tested African can still land in Texas, all others must arrive by high speed intercontinental railway.
…get the IRS to fine John Travolta one plastic bubble.
…we get Ebola, Guinea gets Rosie O’Donnell and a STD to be named later.
…TSA agents no longer encouraged to lick your hands for explosives taste.
…you’re free to enter if you claim to be equally or less infected than Elizabeth Warren is Native American.
…”ask your doctor if Ebola is right for you.”
… Establish a national registry of privately-owned guns and their owners.
…”all Ebola-infected individuals will be audited by the IRS. And let me be clear: all Republicans are infected!”
…”mandatory bank account confiscation. Hey! This sh!t cost money!”
“… and be certain to notify us if you have stopped breathing for more than twenty-four hours,”
…women and children first.
“All Caddies must be quarantined for 21 days before carrying my clubs.”
…NIH is going to issue paper bags to all citizens to ralph into so as not to spread bodily fluids (no word on non-citizend).
…find a new deadly disease in the world and have the press start talking about that one.
“If you think someone has died from Ebola, first make sure they are dead.” BANG!
Next year’s White House Easter Egg Roll will be replace with a White House Zombie Walk.
(replaced)
When in danger
or in doubt
run in circles
scream and shout
@Oppo #12 – I see what you did there.
…ask all people coming in from West Africa if they might be infected. Hey, it works so well when we ask criminals not to carry weapons in “No Gun” zones or use scary assault guns.
…not letting this crisis go to waste.
…and referring to it as a “Microbe-Involved Contingency Operation.”
…portraying Ebola as a virus of peace.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
“First order of business…. how do we rearrange the deck chairs.”
“OK, I was on my way to tell the CDC how to handle this. Honest… I ran out of gas. I… I had a flat tire. I didn’t have enough money for cab fare. My clubs didn’t come back from the pro-shop. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN’T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!”
…first let’s build a giant wooden badger.
“I think the CDC needs a new catchy tune… how ’bout
♬
E-bo-li Eb-bo-La, life goes on brah
La la how the life goes on .
♬
“So Democratic voters that die will still vote Democratic… Republican voters that die will start to vote Democratic… uh… so just what is the down side to Ebola?”
“Oh… That’s what CDC means? I thought it was Center of Democratic Caddies, let’s cut their funding.”
“Quarantine Joe Biden… yes, even if he tests negative.”
…all Hallowe’en masks must meet these standards.
http://www.amazon.com/Curad-Biomask-Antiviral-FaceMasks-Count/dp/B009GGUIK6/ref=sr_1_3?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1414521899&sr=1-3&keywords=surgical+mask
…codenamed Carousel. Lifeclocks are compulsory.
…-all affidavits concerning current health or recent travels must be verified by pinky swear…
… wait until the Halloween season to either trick or treat the infected.
@34 Rodney Dill: “I think the CDC needs a new catchy tune”
Another option, by the bowling doctor and the runaway nurse:
@42 Oppo – I’d rewrite it as ’50 ways to catch Ebola’, but I like the idea.
…which will require 500 pages to be added to the Affordable Care Act.
…to lessen the chance of spreading the virus all infected people do what Obama has done for six years, stand around with his thumb up his butt.
I judged this line here: http://www.nukingpolitics.com/2014/10/nuke-punchline-it-means-no-harm.html
Happy Wednesday everybody 🙂
(Go check and see if you won cookies!)
@46 Anonymiss – Thank you…
Link posted.
I’ve always said that people possibly infected with ebola could/should come to the USA. But I am drawing the line where my own health is concerned. I am instituting a very strict quarantine protocol, “Absolutely no Ebola people are allowed to golf”.