Trump’s speech was him describing blimp he just saw and then he screamed at a cardboard cutout of Worf about how rich he is. Crowd loved it.

So Ben Carson, huh? Normally he’d be a crazy choice (never held office), but circumstances have made him the less crazy one.

Surgeon doesn’t seem like an occupation with much experience applicable to being president. Better than community organizer, though.

It would be nice if the left paid attention to injustice even when they couldn’t make a partisan political point about it.

The problem is not John Roberts. The problem is a six page document meaning radically different things based on which judge is appointed.

Yeah, Trump not getting sufficiently outraged when someone called Obama a Muslim is totally what’s going to sink him.

What’s so ridiculous about the Muslim charge against Obama is that it’s so hard to imagine him as religious.

Is there a Muslim equivalent to the Catholic who only goes to church on Christmas and Easter?

“OBAMA’S NOT A MUSLIM!!!! …not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

“Christians, yes I keep using the fed govt against you and your beliefs, but you must defend me when someone challenges my faith!” -Obama

“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Doctor.”
“Doctor who?”
*adjusts taped up glasses* “He’s just called ‘The Doctor.'”

First kid is complete and painful destruction of your previous self. Third kid is a minor adjustment to change some diapers at night.

Trying to figure out how to explain to my 2yo son he’s now the middle child and what that means.

I don’t even remember why I once thought newborns were hard. They eat (wife’s job) and they sleep. Dog takes more attention. #3rdKid

Telemarketer for TWC: “Do you make lots of long distance calls?” Who keep tracks of what calls are local or long distance anymore?

I thought we as a society had moved past the local/long distance distinction. It’s all just data moving through the inter-tubes.

“Hi. I’m a really successful governor. Here’s a list of my accomplishments…”
REPUBLICANS: “Zzz..”

With GOP candidates dropping out of the presidential race like this, there could be as few as fifty left in the race by the end of the year.

If you want some extra challenge when putting together an IKEA dresser, let your 4yo and 2yo help every step of the way.

More interesting question: What do people think of a Scientologist president?

So who is the top GOP candidate who has actually held office before? Oh, and isn’t Jeb.

If you’re angry at price gouging on medicine, remember that it wouldn’t be possible without the help of the FDA.

Donald Trump and Ann Coulter have become like the Joker and Harley Quinn.

Donald Trump will take on all of America’s enemies: Megyn Kelly, Club for Growth, that dog who looked at him funny.

If people wouldn’t abandon Trump for being ideologically incoherent, hopefully they’ll finally dump him for being a whiny little bitch.

“In a ‘we just don’t care’ rerun of Bush versus Clinton, I’m the least energetic.” #JebPitch

“Why elect someone with one president in her immediate family when you can elect someone with two. That’s just math.” #JebPitch

“I just don’t have the energy to raise your taxes.” #JebPitch

Hillary’s message for little girls is you can do anything as long as you marry someone who already did it and don’t care if he’s awful.