Guccifer has apparently hacked into Hillary’s server. Said it was like an open orchid on the internet. He’s started to tell authorities about what he found lurking there:
- Bill’s Black Book
- Chelsea’s personality
- Pages of search results for ‘How to get stains out of blue fabric’
- Donald Trump’s DNA sequence and a map of his brain (it’s a very small file)
- A large number of instant message threads in which Muammar repeatedly spurned her advances
- A list of the true names and preferred sacrifices for each member of a group referred to only as Legion
- Plans to convert Bill into a trans-First Lady
- Receipts for frequent wire transfers from the Clinton Foundation to a Nigerian prince
- Receipts for frequent wire transfers from the Clinton Foundation to AshleyMadison.com
- Receipts for frequent wire transfers from the Clinton Foundation to furry_curious.com
- A partial, rough draft of a supernatural romance about the first woman President and the ghosts of Eleanor Roosevelt and Nixon’s dog Checkers
- Numerous terse rejection e-mails indicating that ‘your soul just isn’t worth that much’
If Bill becomes first dudette, will Hillary become the First Dude…I just threw up in my mouth a little… It is a short trip, however!
@1 Oh, no. Hillary won’t be first dude. It will be a wonderful LGBTQ White House. Hillary will be the butch one, though.
Holy crap, #1. You’re still alive!
@3: Well, look who’s talkin’!