While deeply mired in the denial stage, I’ve been trying to convince myself how I could justify voting for Trump.  This is all I’ve got.

• He self-identifies as President of the United States, so we are obligated to accept him as that
• He’ll be impervious to sex scandals
• You’ll be able to take a selfie of yourself with his cardboard cutout at the Trump Re-education Camp
• The re-education at the Trump Re-education Camp was designed by the same experts that designed the curriculum at Trump University, so you won’t really end up brainwashed
• It will be good for you if you own stock in the National Enquirer
• One of his first actions in office will be to make it legal to punch anyone in the face who disagrees with him, and hippies are notoriously critical of Trump
• Do we really need two Koreas
• If he’s President, he won’t need to contribute to the Clinton Foundation for favors anymore
• The inevitable Ivanka/Tiffany reality show is bound to give the Karadashians some much needed competition
• Why would anybody want the same First Lady for four years straight
• When the nation goes bankrupt, well, no worries. If there is one thing he knows
• Unpredictability from a superpower is good for global stability, right?
• Presidential press conferences will be indistinguishable from a SNL skit
• TrumpCare has a much better ring to it, and again, when it goes bankrupt…
• Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly and Ann Coulter will finally get those leg tinglings they’ve been coveting
• And Chris Matthews will be able to walk again