Fox News Reporter: What would you say to those who feel that your decree to public schools regarding the use of locker rooms and showers exceeds the limits established in Title IX?

Obama: Well, let me be perfectly clear…(eyes glaze and he gazes into the distance)

(Obama opens a smoking letter and begins to read)

Dear Obama,

While your attempts to accelerate the disintegration of the societies built upon the Enemy’s proscribed foundation are laudable, there are those of us who are concerned that your actions regarding bathroom policies are too premature to prove beneficial. It is our opinion that, though the young have been vigorously indoctrinated toward this end, the intellects and mores of the bulk of society have not yet been sufficiently degraded to accept these latest steps. In fact, it is our considered opinion that your actions may prove counterproductive at this juncture. Time will tell, and punishments will be meted accordingly by Our Father Below.

Regardless of the outcome, you are advised to continue the assault upon the nuclear family in accordance with the effective though seemingly contradictory approaches of both driving a wedge between the sexes and eliminating all differences between the genders. The reason is simple. Convince women to fear and hate men, convince them that men are unnecessary to their own happiness, well-being or livelihood, even to the point that men are considered biologically redundant dross, and the nuclear family crumbles to dust.   Convince women that promiscuity is freedom, virtue is slavery and children out of wedlock are to be celebrated, and the nuclear family crumbles to dust. Allow boys to slake their lusts without consequence or responsibility, take from them the incentive to mature and be men, and the nuclear family crumbles to dust.

Eve has been offered another apple. She and Adam are gradually partaking. Stay the course and, like the serpent, keep the questions ever before their faces: Why not question tradition? Why not overturn your moral code? Why not do it if it feels good? Why not tear down all these old fences?

And do not take any further radical steps without our direct consultation.

Your affectionate Uncle, Screwtape

(Obama writes a quick response)

Dear Screwtape,

Message received. I like that last part. Why not rebel against your authority, I ask myself? I’ll do what I want. YOLO!

Barack the Ever-Wise……

Fox News Reporter: Sir, sir…

Obama: Uh, for you even to ask such a thing just shows that you are on the wrong side of history.  Next question?