Trumpo de Mayo

How Trump is Celebrating Cinco de Mayo, you might ask.  He loves Hispanics, you know.  They’re great, as long as they stay behind that wall.  Here is how he is celebrating.

  • Equipping his yacht with a new set of anchor babies
  • Whacking a giant Cruz-Rubio piñata, filled with candy wrappers
  • Launching his new line of Trump Tequila, proudly sold in the US but made by Malaysian orphans
  • Settling down for a long, slow fantasy involving a dirty Ivanka-Tiffany ‘enchilada’
  • Los trasplantes de cabello naranja para todos
  • Establishing the Mexico City campus of Trump Universidad, with its associated wall
  • Throwing a yuge fiesta, catered by illegals
  • Paying the legal fees for anyone who will punch La Raza in the face
  • Designing the guady new signs for the Trump Casa Blanca
  • Systematically offending all the wise latina women he meets
  • Announcing that his running mate will be Pedro

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