“It’s either the GND or we make you buy carbine offsets.”
Current Democrat frontrunner Joe Biden explained the origins of the idea.
“I was hanging out on the Dem2020 Facebook page, as I so often do,” said Biden, “reading about how the Green New Deal got skunked in the Senate, like 57 to nothing. I’ve seen the Generals lose to the Globetrotters by a smaller margin. But then it hit me – the Green New Deal is about saving the planet by reducing… temperature things or whatever… because they’re just too high right now. But there was a time – I think before America was invented – that they were at a safe level, and we’re just trying to get back to that. So then it hit me – why not do that for guns, too?”
Senator Cory Booker (D-NJ) was the next Democrat candidate to catch Gun New Deal fever.
“It’s so brilliant in its simplicity,” Booker observed. “Republicans and their gun nut accomplices are always blathering on and on about how the Constitution MEANS something, and the Founders WANTED everyone to have guns. Well, if that’s true, I think we have to look at the logical conclusion. Even if the Founders wanted each and every person in early America to have a gun, that’s still only about 4 million guns. Today, there’s about 400 million guns in America. The only way to preserve this country for the future is to get it back down to the safe, sustainable level of weaponry that our Founders intended.”
Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) agreed that the Gun New Deal is just the sort of simple, common-sense restriction on guns that America so desperately needs.
“When I became a Senator,” said Warren, “I swore an oath to support and defend the Constitution. Not what the anti-American NRA says is the Constitution. If Americans are going to bear arms, there’s no other possible way to interpret our precious founding document than to assume it meant only the arms of the type and quantity existent at the time. Glocks and AR-15s and semi-revolver magazine clips hadn’t been invented yet, which means they’ve simply got to go, and once we get the guns down to 4 million flintmuskets or less, our country will finally be safe from dangerous gun owners and their talk about ‘tyranny’ and ‘despotism’. Which there hasn’t been any of that since 1791, anyway, and there’s no reason to think we need more guns now than we had then to protect us from it. If it existed. Which it doesn’t.”
In a later press conference, Warren denied a viral internet rumor that the 1023/1024 of her genetic material that wasn’t Cherokee came from King George the Third.
“Stuff and nonsense,” objected Warren. “Now give up your guns, or I’ll tax your tea.”
—–
I love it – back in 1791, US Citizens had the rights to own and operate guns equal to what our Army / Navy had…. Bring it back, I want a full auto Thompson 45 ACP with 100 round rotary magazine – great for cutting down trees.
I’d prefer just a Ma Deuce with a lot of belts…
We need to reduce Democrats to pre 1791 numbers… As SOON as Possible.
We need to reduce the number of communist and socialist and Muslims back to the 1791 levels and there won’t be a need for as many guns in the nation to defend ourselves from their evil.
No, we need to reduce all of them to PRE-GENESIS levels.
DemControl. “For the children”
Does this mean that Slavery becomes legal again as well?
Just asking.
For a friend.
Nice, do it.
Funny. More citizens in the land in that time were armed comparable to census levels then now. So by thier logic we should be arming even more good citizens.
“semi-revolver magazine clips”
This qoute is all i need to hear.lol
Morons who know absolutely nothing about fire arms should not be allowed any further to dictate new laws on topics that which are foreign to them.
Democrats could solve climate change overnight by shutting thier mouths up from releasing all that hot air
Dangerous for who?
Commies?liberals? Democrats?
Actually they had fully automatic Gatlin gun they had automatic firing riffles back.then.. and if anyone fired a black powder riffle it’s a f’ing 50cal slug . They have no idea what they are talking about .
I agree, there certainly does seem to be some people talking without understanding what’s going on…
Someone should get those Snopes people on the blower, stat.
Is this surreal life?
Is this jest fan-teasing?
Trump in a landslide ….
No escape from that reality.
YES, It is called blabbering BS!
Actually, the hand-powered Gatling gun wasn’t invented til the 1860s, about the same time the brass cartridge came along. Fully and semi-auto weapons are early 1900s inventions. I’m still on your side relative to the ridiculous 1791 gun level BS now being puked up by the dems. Sheeesh!
“It’s either the GND or we make you buy carbine offsets.”
For a master of de satire who is way above poor, pitiful puns, that is one world-class pun!
Allrighty then. Time to limit voting to property owners only. How bout them apples?
BTW-Men only as well…
and obama complained that we were going back to the fifties…
Party like it was 1759.
Leftist lunacy on full display. Trump by a landslide.
Good lord, if you don’t know what satire is, please don’t comment. This was funny, and too close to reality, but seriously, these clowns really didn’t say these idiotic things… But I’m gonna remember “semi revolver magazine clips”. That is gold!!
The Left is so devoid of mental capacity it’s hard to tell what is satire anymore.
I think they got some strict laws concerning the size of their mental capacity.
Feel free to use “semi revolver magazine clips” anywhere, anytime. I’m flattered 🙂
I’m gonna get me a semi revolver magazine clip. Damn idiots
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How about this:
Since the population has risen then why not make it the same percentage of people holding guns?
Of course the Democrats win like that, it would mean there would have to be a lot more people that own them.
Also let’s ask them if they’re willing to have their security guards armed with black powder had to prove their point do it now.
Solution. Since Democrats/Liberals don’t want to own them give the ones they are entitled to to people who do want them.