On Monday, I lost Internet service for a couple of hours.
Those two hours were the worst year of my life.
Anyway, have you got something you’d like to share? It’s Wednesday Night Open Thread.
What’s on your mind?
Archive of entries posted on 12th June 2019
He’s Just Asking for Backlash on This, So Here It Is
Pope Francis disparaged users of social media, decrying it as a “culture of insults“.
Oh yeah? Well, speaking as a member of the social media culture, all I can say is that the Pope is a nice guy and I’m not a jerk. So there!
Solid Smoke
Link of the Day: My Home Town Is Known for Josh Sawyer, Video Game Designer…
[High Praise! to The Pudding]
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Trump Truths: Guns
By the time President Trump gets done appointing Supreme Courts justices through his second term, gun ownership will be mandatory and all magazines will have to hold a MINIMUM of 10 rounds.
I’ll Agree With That Definition
Biden Holds Cancer Cure Hostage, Demands to Be Elected President
This will never see the light of day unless we give Joe what he wants.
“I promise you if I’m elected president, we’re going to cure cancer,” Biden told supporters at a rally in Ottumwa. “But if I’m not elected, then all your loved ones who have cancer will die from it. Is that really what you want to have happen? Do you really hate the people closest to you that much? Does your puny little vote mean so much to you that you would trade human lives for it rather than give it to me? Are you some sort of monster? Do you kick puppies for fun, too? Think it over carefully, people. The deaths of millions would be on your head. Make the right choice. Make the smart choice. Vote Biden, 2020. That way nobody has to die.”
At a hastily-called press conference, President Trump said that the Biden “hostage situation” was “a national security issue” and that all options were “on the table.”
“Obviously,” said Trump, “our goal here is to free the cancer cure with as little collateral damage as possible, but America has a policy of not negotiating with terrorists. If we can get it out with a few smoke bombs and a SWAT team, we’ll do that. If it takes a tactical nuclear strike… well, we’ll probably ‘miss’ and hit Iran’s uranium enrichment facility, that way we’ll have plausible deniability. Nevertheless, the forces of good will prevail. Stay strong, little cancer cure! We’re coming for you!”
Asked to provide proof that the cancer cure was still alive, an embarrassed Biden admitted he couldn’t, since nobody makes print editions of newspapers anymore to use as evidence that the picture was taken on today’s date.
[IMAO Ace Reporter Anonymiss contributed to this story]
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Because Ads Pay the Bills Around Here
I’m just curious what ads people are seeing in the sidebars here at IMAO.
If the ads were contextual, I’d think it would be a bunch of “Biden 2020” stuff.
Straight Line of the Day: A Massive Metallic Mass Has Been Discovered on the Moon. It’s Probably…
[High Praise! to CLIFFY for the suggestion]
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
A massive metallic mass has been discovered on the moon. It’s probably…
The Illustrated Frank J: Coming of Age
Ask IMAO Anything: #Answers 17
More answers from your questions. We said you could Ask IMAO Anything, and you have. You haven’t asked everything, but you’re off to a good start.
Most of the questions you left last time were answered by others, including:
- DamnCat
- walruskkkch
- Happy Fun Ball
- tankdemon
- c64wood
- CLIFFY
- Oppo
- Bob B
Bacon to you all!
Now for the questions that weren’t answered.
Francis: Why are last ditch efforts referred to as a “Hail Mary?” A sports example would be the long pass in the end zone with time running out. The Hail Mary prayer has no sports metaphors or any others that I can ascertain.
It’s really simple. “Hail Mary” in Latin is “Ave Maria.” The Schubert composition “Ellens Gesang III” opens with the words “Ave Maria” and the tune was later used as the basis of the song we know today by that name. “Ave Maria” is the concluding music in Disney’s 1940 film “Fantasia.” In the second half of that film, the first musical selection following intermission opens with an excerpt of Beethoven’s “Pastoral Symphony.” The “Pastoral Symphony” is an alternate name for Beethoven’s “Symphony Number 6.” In football, a touchdown is worth six points. So, a late attempt at a touchdown is naturally called a “Hail Mary.” It’s so obvious now that you think about it.
tankdemon: If you could add one more item to either the Bill of Rights or the Ten Commandments, which would you choose to edit, and and what would that right/commandment be?
Someone else answered something similar once, and I can’t improve on that answer:
The Lord our God is one Lord:
And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.
And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.
Regarding the Constitution, I can think of an amendment I’d like to see, namely that no member of Congress shall vote on any bill for which that member was not present for a full and complete reading of the same. That would cut down on 2,000 page bills.
But, an additional right as laid out by the first ten Amendments? I think they got it right.
Bob B: If a car is traveling north at 65 miles per hour, and a second car is traveling south at 55 miles per hour, how long will it take for Congress to get off their butts and impeach already?
In that scenario, they won’t. The Democrats in Congress are looking for a bus. You know, to throw the country under.
Oppo: In the Perry Mason episode “The Case of the Resolute Reformer,” which first aired on Jan. 14, 1961, private detective Paul Drake is seen talking to Mason on a car phone.
What were car phones using for satellite service in 1961? Was it available on demand, around the clock?
Sorry, but that’s not one of the episodes in which Paul is shown using a car phone. He did use one in other episodes, however. In this episode, he is heard talking on the phone to Mason just after leaving the lush’s house, and that very well could be via car phone, but Paul isn’t actually shown using a car phone in that episode.
Having said that, have you noticed how good the opening graphics of that episode are? The three dimensional pieces with shadows, and how well it blends into where Raymond Burr’s actual hand picks up the folder from the judge’s bench? That show was well ahead of its time technically. That’s why when Paul did use a car phone, he was using satellites from the future, and not via radio like people in real life used at the time.
And that’s it. All the questions were answered excepting those. And we’re still taking questions. You can Ask IMAO Anything. Just leave your question in the comments, or email us at Ask.IMAO.Anything@gmail.com.
Questions in the comments will likely be answered in the comments; those that aren’t answered, or that may need further clarification, I’ll answer next time. I’ll also answer the questions that are emailed to us.
Ask IMAO Anything. Because we know everything.
Random Thoughts: $15 an Hour and I’m 40
Amazon is constantly sending me boxes filled with guns and ammo. I guess I signed up for some subscription service and I can’t figure out how to cancel it.
What we should be at war with is the idea we’re at war with each other.
FUN FACT: Alaska doesn’t exist. It’s just a state the U.S. made up as a tax write off.
The longest twitter feud I was in lasted three tweets. That’s how long it took the person to admit I was absolutely right and he was wrong to ever disagree with me.
Rambo doesn’t even need to fight in his new movie. I’d be happy for a whole film of just old man Rambo ranting about Millenials.
“They complain about college debt, but when I was their age, we paid our debt in blood on foreign soil!”
Even better idea: Rambo runs for office.
He used to fight Commies on the battlefield, and now he has to fight them politically.
“I knew someone once with economic ideas like yours. I blew him up with a grenade attached to an arrow.”
Ultrasound must have really changed things for fathers. Seems like the child in a pregnancy would feel pretty theoretical until quite late in the pregnancy without it.
I remember when I first felt like a father. 8 week ultrasound with my first. It was a lot more than I was expecting. Not just a heartbeat, but actually moving around, waving really tiny arms. There was the new life I was responsible for.
That Old Town Road is quite an ear worm. I don’t know if it’s rap or country, but I like it.
What are some extremely popular things that everyone else likes that you also like? I like Marvel movies, The Beatles, and Coca-Cola!
“I have a plan! I’ll take money from other people and buy you free stuff with it!”
Wow. What a plan. What a genius plan.
Kind of funny how Sylvester Stallone had two popular franchises that each start with a movie trying to be a serious film and then all the sequels become schlock until Stallone revisits it decades later trying to make a serious film again.
I remember the Ebert review of First Blood Part 2 remarking how he was really surprised they would just release a mass murderer like that, but then I actually saw the first Rambo movie and he only kills one person in it (by accident).
Maybe the ones who have to constantly watch themselves so they don’t accidentally humanize… well… humans, aren’t the good guys.
If you feel very strongly people should earn at least a certain wage an hour, make a business and pay people that.
“National security is at stake. We need the best on this.”
“CIA?”
“The best.”
“Seal Team 6?”
“No. The absolute best.”
“A team of street racers who used to steal DVD players.”
“Bingo.”
I’m starting to think I should do like a swear jar, but it’s a politics jar where I have to put a dollar in it every time I tweet about politics.
I like wearing a Henley because even though I’m just being a slob in T-shirt and jeans, I look more sophisticated because buttons.
I’m 70% sure Eric Swalwell is just an Andy Kaufman-esque bit. It’s too genius to be done by accident.
I don’t even understand caring about that Pelosi video.
Why is everyone trying to destroy David French? He said be nice to people? Is there video of this, because I don’t want to join the mob unless there’s proof.
I have a great way to bring down David French. I went through Game of Thrones and counted every single boobie and… Oh. Someone already beat me to it.
I’m officially an adult! 40 years, man! I have so much wisdom now to impart to young people, but it’s mainly that they should shut up because I’m tried of listening to them whine.
Don’t trust anyone who dislikes dogs or Dwayne Johnson.
Did there used to be something else that journalists did other than try to get videos they didn’t like taken off the internet?
I find it very insulting people think journalists can do my occupation.
So the answer is I can drink an espresso at 10pm and have no trouble going to sleep. I think I now just drink coffee to maintain normalcy.
Trump can only have one more term as president of Earth, but there are no term limits for president of Mars.
It actually took me a second to figure out how to misread what Trump said about the moon and Mars. I guess I’m just used to his garbled style.
Time to peruse social media and make a list of all the people I want thrown off of it.
I don’t want to just save the environment; I want to invest it and earn interest.
2020 election should be a lot of fun. Whether Trump is re-elected or if we get a new president, both possibilities seem like a big surprise. Neato!
Whatever happens, I’m sure I’ll have lots of fun at the expense of the head of state. If you’re going to lead the free world, you’re going to get ribbed by me. Watch out!
So now Mars has stolen the moon. Thanks, David French!
Social media is a publisher, not a platform which means there can be a RICO prosecution against them under the Logan Act.
Ah man. I just realized that now that I turned 40, I’m probably too old for Space Force.
Soon the living will envy the canceled.
Got a 4K TV for my birthday. Man, I can’t believe I ever thought 1080p was impressive. 1920×1080 is a gutter resolution.
I like how hotel fanciness just abruptly ends at the stairwell. The whole place looks like a million bucks and then you decide to skip the elevator and it looks like they used whatever paint was cheapest at Home Depot.
Other thing about the fancy hotel: It had single-ply toilet paper. Everything else about it was top-notch, but that part made me feel like I was in the Soviet Union.
People are a burden in the sense that gold is heavy.
I tried watching The Handmaid’s Tale, but I couldn’t take it seriously with all those women constantly dressed up like idiot protesters.
I’m not exactly sure who should be the most offended party in a comparison of AOC to Trump.
I pulled out my iPhone 5S for the first time in a long time. It’s hard to believe that 4” screen used to be the biggest iPhone. I now feel like Andre the Giant holding that thing.
The thing about a Frozen sequel—what percentage of that movie’s popularity was the song Let It Go?
Winchester is a dapper little guy.
Pay AOC $15 an hour.
Know what you call a congressman earning $15 an hour?
Overpaid.
Without political cartoons, how will we know what Saint Peter says to people at the pearly gates when they die?
We used to have water cooler shows–shows basically everyone watched and then would discuss around the water cooler. This era ended, though, when people stopped drinking water in favor of chugging Mountain Dew Code Red.
I don’t want more modern nazism or communism. I want to leave those things in last century.
Solar energy isn’t renewable energy. Once the sun runs out, we have no idea how to make a new one.
Been wanting to show my kids the moons of Jupiter, but it’s been cloudy every night. I don’t know who to complain to about that.
A local news story said Jupiter is so close you can see all 79 of its moon with binoculars. They might want to recheck the science on that.
Biden can’t cure cancer. The guy has been in government since 1970; I’d be surprised if he has enough practical skills to tie his own shoes.
Remember: a “Loophole” Is Just the Tiny Piece of Your Freedom They Haven’t Taken Yet
YouTube announced a new initiative to block “borderline content”.
So… will they support President Trump building a wall to do the same thing?