I never really got Oingo Boingo. Nothing against them, but I just never got them.
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Archive of entries posted on 6th June 2019
Shake It Up Baby Now
Geologists have reported detecting hundreds of small quakes hitting southern California.
Not sure if the rumbling is from caravans of Mexicans coming in, or caravans of taxpayers moving out.
Face It, the Harry Potter Series Has Dumber Names for Wizards Than That
Link of the Day: The Longest Day
[High Praise! to Mental Floss]
13 Memorable Facts About D-Day
Bonus Link:
[High Praise! to Oppo]
D-Day to Berlin (full documentary, 44 minutes, mostly color – footage of D-Day (some color) starts at 3:45)
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
D-Day +75 Years: News Reports
At the conclusion of the day on June 6, 1944, the fighting was far from over. But the beginning of the end of the way was underway. It would take nearly a year for Germany to fall, and even longer for the war to officially end, but the events of D-Day were vital to seeing a victorious end to that war.
There aren’t many from World War II still living. When the last one is gone, the world will be a lesser place. I repeat what General Patton said about those who died, and extend it to all those that fought: “wW should thank God that such men lived.”
Trump Truths: Prophecy
Oddly, while there is no Nostradamus prophecy predicting Donald Trump’s presidency, there is one about Hillary Clinton’s 2016 loss. Although some scholars still insist that one’s actually about the Great Fire of London.
Normandy (Poem)
Hit the silk.
Hit the deck.
Hit in the belly.
Arms.
Legs. Neck.
Hit by shrapnel.
Hit the beach.
Hit every target
Within reach.
Incoming’s still
Coming down;
The man who’s hit —
Calm him down.
Don’t call the corpsman:
The corpsman’s down.
Hit the villa.
Hit the yard.
Hit the embankments —
Hit ’em hard.
Hit the village.
Hit the ground.
Hit every blessed
Thing around.
Hit them back
For Hitler’s hell.
Hit, attack —
For those who fell.
Job Blocked
National Organization for Women Votes to ‘Believe All Women,’ Reserves Right to Vote on Who Counts as a Woman
“Get your woman hat here! Pink, pointy woman hat! Can’t be woman without a woman hat!”
NOW president Toni Van Pelt said the vote was a watershed moment for the feminist movement and a victory for women everywhere.
“For too long,” said Van Pelt, “women have been prisoners of fear. Fear of speaking up. Fear of what other people might say. Fear of that dress making her look fat. Today, NOW has spoken, and what we’ve said is ‘no more fear!’ From this day forward, any woman can say anything about anyone, and she need not fear, because her feminist sisters at NOW promise to believe every word she says. Especially if it’s something juicy about what some rich, white Republican did to her 30 years ago that she never told anyone about. However, we also promise to believe any woman who accuses a Democrat, liberal, socialist, man of color, or other ally. Women first!”
“Of course,” Van Pelt cautioned, tugging at the dress that was definitely not making her look fat and was only wearing because she was going to a wedding reception later and not because a member of the patriarchy had once complimented her on how it flattered her figure, “while all women are equally believable, not all women are equally women. I mean, certainly men who realize their true identity and make the effort to release their womanhood – whether they have any to release or not – count as women. But the self-hating kind of creature that betrays the interests of her sisters in order to kowtow to male-dominated pressure, or who uses ‘he’ as a gender-neutral pronoun… well, we’ve decided that it’s best for us to vote on their gender on a case-by-case basis.”
NOW Vice President Gilda Yazzie concurred with Van Pelt on the need for flexibility in gender identification.
“Everyone agrees that gender is a very fluid characteristic,” said Yazzie. “Sometimes a man, can suddenly decide he’s a woman, even though he’s never considered himself one before. There’s always that first moment. Or sometimes a woman can suddenly decide she’s a woman, too, because women change their minds about a lot of things, and it’s ok for me to say that because I’m not a man spouting some insensitive stereotype. But the fact is, this has to work both ways. If genders are fluid, it may be that the women who know what’s best – like myself or Toni – might decide that what’s best is for you NOT to be a woman. And if that’s how the vote goes, then there’s simply no way to argue that it’s not true. At least not without being a gender-traitor.”
Gender-traitor and self-identified girly-girl Scarlett Seraphina said she’d recently had NOW declare her “not a woman” after posting something marginally unflattering about Joe Biden.
“All I did was ask why Joe Biden hadn’t been Al Frankened yet,” said Seraphina, “and the next thing you know I’m getting an email from NOW saying my woman card had been revoked and I needed to turn in my mascara. I figured it was a joke, but it turned out that it was only a joke metaphorically.”
“Actually, I kinda feel sorry for them. To the best of my knowledge, feminism became irrelevant the day that men invented the Wonderbra.”
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< Ban Successful! Death Toll from Plastic Straws in California Is Now Zero
Straight Line of the Day: People Thought They Saw a UFO. Turned Out It Was…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
People thought they saw a UFO. Turned out it was…
D-Day +75 Years: Roosevelt’s Prayer
President Roosevelt’s appointment calendar for Tuesday, June 6, 1944 had one item listed for the early morning: Invasion Day.
That night, the president delivered his radio address, including a prayer. This week, President Trump read an excerpt from that prayer as part of the anniversary events in the U.K.
The Illustrated Frank J: With Apologies to Peas
IMAO Reader Survey #28
Memorial Day has passed, and June is underway. We aren’t always able to take a vacation every year, but many of us take a special trip when we can. Our country has great places to visit in every state. If we’re able to get away, it’s often hard to choose between the many places to go.
Where is your dream vacation spot?
- Anywhere that doesn't have CNN or MSNBC playing in the lobby. (59%, 35 Votes)
- Any of our country's great historical sights, such as the Grand Canyon, Mount Rushmore, Independence Hall, or the Smithsonian Museums. (29%, 17 Votes)
- Other (Provide details in the comments) (10%, 6 Votes)
- A family theme park such as Disney World, Universal Studios, or Six Flags. (2%, 1 Votes)
Total Voters: 59
Loading ...D-Day +75: Humor and the War
When over 100,000 men hit the beaches of France 60 years ago, they were well-prepared. They had training, they had practice, they had equipment, and they had their mission.
They also had the right attitude. They were landing on these beaches, not to catch a bare toe-hold in the sand, but to begin a push that wouldn’t end until they marched down the streets of Berlin and looked Hitler right in the eye.
But if they saw him, they wouldn’t see Hitler as we see him today – a legendary figure of personified evil and a demi-god of power and malice.
Not hardly.
To the troops coming off the boat, he was nothing but a spastic, greasy-haired, lunatic Austrian paper-hanger with a bad mustache.
Because back during the early 40’s, Americans didn’t fear their enemies. They made fun of them.
Why?
Dictators HATE being made fun of. Hitler even made it a crime to tell anti-Nazi jokes. So if you were caught saying something like:
Hitler and his chauffeur are whizzing along a country road when a pig rushes out and is hit by their car. Spotting a nearby farm house, the chauffeur is sent up to inform the occupants of the demise of their animal. He returns with an armload of food and wine. Hitler is amazed.
“Why did they give you that?”
“I do not know. All I did was knock on the door and say I am Hitler’s chauffeur and I killed the pig.”
or
Hitler asked his astrologer on what day he would die.
“On a Jewish holiday,” the astrologer replied.
“But which holiday?”
“Any day you die will be a Jewish holiday.”
or
There are two kinds of Aryans: non-Aryans and barb-Aryans
or
A fatally wounded German soldier asked his chaplain to grant one final wish. “Place a picture of Hitler on one side of me, and a picture of Goering on the other side. That way I can die like Jesus, between two thieves.”
or
Goebbels was touring German schools. At one, he asked the students to call out patriotic slogans.
“Heil Hitler,” shouted one child.
“Very good,” said Goebbels.
“Deutschland über alles,” another called out.
“Excellent. How about a stronger slogan?”
A hand shot up, and Goebbels nodded.
“Our people shall live forever,” the little boy said.
“Wonderful,” exclaimed Goebbels. “What is your name, young man?”
“Israel Goldberg.”
or
“What is the difference between an Nazi and a dog? A Nazi lifts his arm.”
or
A German father instructing his son on how to say grace.
“From now on you must thank God and Hitler when you pray,” says dad.
“But what happens if Hitler dies?” the boy asks.
“Then you just thank God.”
The consequences would be dire.
But in America, it was an industry.
Warner Brothers studios put out several classics cartoons mocking this failed house-painter and part-time goose-stepper, including: Herr Meets Hare, The Ducktators, Daffy – The Commando, Confusions of a Nutzy Spy, and Scrap Happy Daffy.
Disney got into the act with Der Fuehrer’s Face and Education for Death.
Popeye took a whack with Seein’ Red, White & Blue.
And did you think that Dr. Seuss just wrote quaint little children’s books? You might be surprised to learn that he did a large number of political cartoons during the war. Like the one at the top of this entry.
Here are some more of my favorites. I like them because they show Hitler as a weak, sweaty, nothing of a man.
And let’s not forget about Jack Benny in “To Be Or Not To Be“.
Or Charlie Chaplin in “The Great Dictator“.
And if you’re in a singin’ mood, there’s always Spike Jones’ rendition of “Der Fuehrer’s Face“.
Now, I’m not saying that a few cartoons and a sprightly war ditty made all the difference on the beaches of Normandy, but I would feel safe in saying that when you’ve been mocking that “paper hanging son-of-a-b!tch” instead of fearing him, it makes finally sprinkling the Rhine river all the sweeter.
Of course, things are a little different today. The major Hollywood studios don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings, so they’re out of the precision guided humor business.
Fortunately for us, however, there are those who have not forgotten the lesson, and spare no effort in reminding the public that even though we may have to fight our enemies seriously, we don’t have to waste time taking them seriously.
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NOTE: This post is an updated version of a post I did for D-Day +60. The only real change is that now you can actually find most of the cartoons on YouTube, since some Warner Brothers cartoons are falling into the public domain.
D-Day +75 years: Eisenhower’s Speech
75 years ago, the Allied forces began the invasion of Europe. The leader of the forces, General Dwight D. Eisenhower, sent a message to the troops.
It was a monumental event, and would be difficult to pull off today. Did the Allies get lucky? Maybe that did play into it. But without the bravery of those that stormed the beaches — those that made it through and those that died on that day — the world would be a very different place.
“We should thank God that such men lived.” — General George S. Patton