Ri…i…i…i…i…i…i…ght

In honor of Harvey’s birthday, it can now be revealed that the movie Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery shockingly* stole not only Harvey’s official title, but lifted word for word some of his biography (as fact-checked by Tropes):

He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. [Harvey’s] childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring he’d make meat helmets. When he was insolent he was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds — pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve he received his first scribe.

 

Fortunately for us, the plagiarism stopped there.

*You won’t believe what else the movie stole from him! Click here to find out. Number 8 will leave you speechless!

 

But, as Rodney Dangerfield says in Back To School, “Oh, you’re forgetting lots of things!”

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to fill in some of the remaining blanks in his biography for his MySpace page.

I’ll start:

Harvey was the first consultant to say “Hey, I have it — let’s have our country/western singer dress all in black and wear a huge hat way down low, almost covering his eyes. The originality is what will get ’em!”

Birthdays!

Harvey's birthday!

Harvey’s Birthday!

I just checked my calendar and there are a lot of people with birthdays today. I don’t know most of them. Heck, I haven’t heard of most of them. But there is one who you have all heard of: Harvey.

Yep, good ol’ Harvey is celebrating … let’s count the years and see …

Um.

Hmmm.

Well, this might take a bit. Hold on a minute.

Carry the one.

Don’t forget about leap year. Several of them, from the looks of it.

Okay, got it.

Harvey is … old.

Okay, he’s not as old as me, but he’s probably a bit wiser, so he’s good.

Wish Harvey a happy birthday today. Because you care.

Link of the Day: I Still Prefer the Old Earth Flag That Had the Dagger Through It

[High Praise! to Neatorama]

Proposed Flags of the Solar System

Not that planets need flags, but if they did, I think these would actually be just about right

[title reference link]

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

In Surprise 5-4 Ruling, Supreme Court Holds That Second Amendment Requires Mandatory Gun Ownership

If you don’t have a gun, you are now entitled to one free one from your local government gun stockpile.

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) – In a landmark ruling whose results were unpredicted by even the savviest of legal pundits, the Supreme Court ruled in a highly controversial 5-4 decision that the Second Amendment should be construed so as to require gun ownership by every adult citizen of the United States.

Writing for the majority, Chief Justice John Roberts outlined the surprising thought process behind this startling sledgehammer of jurisprudence.

“The Second Amendment,” said Roberts, “says that ‘a well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.’ Well, I think it’s pretty clearly implied here that, if Obamacare can force you to buy insurance, then militia membership – which is, Constitutionally, ‘necessary’ – can force you to buy a gun. It’s like getting vaccine inoculations: if everyone is immunized, then everyone is safe. But the more people don’t get shots, the more likely an outbreak of deadly disease. In the case of guns, that disease is criminals. If everyone has a gun, criminals get eradicated like smallpox. Also, if everyone is exercising their right, then by definition, no one’s right is being infringed. This is the only way to truly guarantee this particular constitutional protection for every citizen.”

Liberal Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg dissented, pointing out that Roberts’ faulty reasoning in the Obamacare case – even though she agreed with it at the time for political reasons – could not be used to do things to REDUCE the power and control of the federal government, before mumbling something about “my pancreas” and falling asleep.

President Trump showed his support for the ruling by issuing an executive order to make ammunition for all these newly-owned guns more affordable.

“By executive order,” said Trump “I’m making everybody’s first 5,000 rounds of ammo fully tax-deductible in every tax year. That’s over 10 rounds a day, every day, for a year, to practice with. Chamber that many rounds, and you should be a dead-eye shot capable of protecting yourself and your loved ones from criminals, rogue deer, and… well, me and my government minions, too, if I ever go off the rails. Or if America elects a Democrat in 2020. Liberty has never been easier. Or more affordable!”
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IMAO asks you to support our sponsors, because the second 5000 rounds aren’t tax-deductible.