I just thought of a new feature for IMAO (which I will inevitably abandon at some point when I tire of it). It’s “Question of the Day” where I ask you, my readers, a question because I love hearing from you (or find it advantageous to pretend I do). Here is today’s question:
What can Dan Rather do to regain his credibility?
I’m thinking seppuku. What do you think?
Kinda like asking what can Helen Thomas due to regain her sanity. Don’t believe you can pull this boy back up on the cliff. The boat has sailed.
Frank? Using “Rather” and “credibility” in the same sentence? Hard to imagine…
Have him do any one thing that Bush suggests for him to do (i.e. dance like a chicken on national tv). Something publicly humiliating.
Dan should write a letter like this…
http://michaelmoore.com/words/message/
I just saw “Man on Fire” last night. Great flick, but now that you ask the question, I think the solution Denzel Washington used for the head of the anti-kidnapping squad would be a nice start for Dan. After that, we can discuss with him if his reputation is restored.
Deliver his nightly news cast for a week wearing a clown suit, and end each news cast with, “It’s not all news – sometimes I just make things up.”
007;
Speaking of dancing like a chicken, try Subserviant Chicken for a laugh or two.
Televise the debates from his basement wearing pajamas.
In all seriousness…he should do nothing. Eventually the hubbub will die down, and eventually people will have forgotten or stopped caring (how many people remembered the 7 minutes before Bush Sr. brought it up?). Remember, this is the country where Dateline NBC is still on the air…and if you don’t know why that comment is relevant, you’ve proven my point.
Hire Frank J. to screen the news prior to release, suggested Salary, would be in the 8-10 million a year range.
The only thing Rather can do to regain any shred of credibility (with regards to myself, anyhoo…) is to:
1: Acknowledge, for the record, whether he was aware beforehand of the dubious nature of the documents
2: Apologize publicly for using forged (must use ‘f’ word!) documents.
3: Apologize for rushing to air this half-baked story before giving it the unwavering scrutiny it DEMANDED, being, as it was, of such import.
4: Acknowledge the failure to follow up on leads necessary for the verification of this story.
5: Proclaim far and wide the power of the pajamasphere.
6: You know what? There’s probably more he’d have to do than he would. I’m gonna have to with Mr. Frank on this one. We’ll have Anjin-san set up the ceremony.
7: We could have Rather write an essay on how pathetic he is next to an incredible example of honor and integrity like Captain-Pilot Blackthorne…
REgain?
He needs to have a little boy make a birthday wish that he will never lie again. Imagine how much fun it will be watching the news then:
“I hate George Bush. I hate him hate him hate him. I wish John Kerry would become president and make us a communist country. Yes, that’s right, I’m a communist. Then after President Kerry changes us over to communism, we can make it illegal to kill Allah-fearing freedom fighters or to call them terrorists. In fact, he should make it illegal to be Republican. Once all the evil Republican capitalists are rounded up into camps and reeducated, then we’ll be loved by all the world, especially by France, the most important country ever.”
It wouldn’t make him any less repulsive, but he would be credible. At least until Dan Rather realizes that one of the camera men looks like a very angry rottweiler.
He should film a Mastercard commercial.
“New HP printer – $200”
“Ream of paper – $1.25”
“Copies at Kinko’s – $6.50”
“1970 IBM Electric Typewriter that he should have used – $27.50 on E-bay”
“Undeserved reputation? Priceless.”
He should pay reperations to all registered republicans.
Roger roger, Beo. Strike that, correction made, thank you. non-Bather couldn’t really re-gain repsect he never commanded.
I’m with Aaron – free money to me is a GOOD thing. : )
I think the only thing he can do to regain any sense of credibility to me is to have the backdrop be a huge blinking neon sign saying This Show is an official arm of the Kerry Edwards 04 Campaign. Then a big DNC logo next to it, and a couple of guys wearing donkey outfits doing the macarena.
Seppuku would be a first step, but only if he did it on-air.
He could referee a wrestling match between Tuh-RAY-suh “Scumbag” Heinz-Kerry and Hillary “The Rod” Rodham-Clinton. Aw, what the heck, make it a steel cage match!
I don’t know how much credibility this would “restore” him, but It’d make me laugh, anyway. :o)
Did you see last weeks episode of Six Feet Under? The last scene was a subliminal message to Dan. That’s what he should do…
he is a lemming that did the dive of no return.
(see joe cartoon)
I think he should do something that would really make up for his bias. I think he should write an authentic (as the rest of the world understands the word, not CBS and Rather) memoir in which he documents how his bias affected the coverage of every major story since he got into a position to affect the content of his news shows. I’m talking everything from Iran-contra coverage to coverage of all the Clinton scandals; also his coverage of the Trent Lott issue (why didn’t he go after Byrd for his “white ni**er” comments a short time before)? In that case, Lott needed to go; but how ’bout the Dems who need exposing and removal? Where’s that coverage?
Quit.
gibsonrlz, I hate you for making me read that link. I am now dumber for reading it. Hope you’re happy.
Frank J, seppuku is considered honorable. There is nothing raTHer could do to be honorable, short of turning himself over to the Marines to be used as target practice.
Dan Rather has already hung himself with his own rope.
Ahem. Excuse me? Did you say you will abandon IMAO because you will tire of it? What about US? We’re the ones who will be committing seppuku. Dangit.
Switch from CBS to NPR.
Hey, you didn’t specify with whom he should regain cred.
I think eating the original forgeries on live television dressed like a nurse, or a monkey, or both would do it for me
Rather should release forged documents saying nasty stuff about Kerry and thereby show that he is not ‘partisan’.
Rathers was credible in the first place?
I would like to see him make a personal apology to President Bush. Yes, he said he was sorry, but If I’m not mistaken, it was very generic. He needs to apologize to President Bush, not just the viewer.
Oh, yeah, and he also owes Richard Nixon an apology!
reveal the frequency
light bulb!
He needs a good colonic, administered by Anne Coulter!
He’ll never regain his facade of credibility, but the seppuku thing would be cool. On his final broadcast he’ll say “courage”, then walk over to an Uday-1000 industrial shredder and climb in.
Do another interview with Fidel Castro illuminating the American public to the socialist paradise just south of Florida. Ask him lots of questions about the literacy rate and univeral health care…er…you did want to know what Rather could do to regain credibility with Barbara Streisand, right?
Explain it really was’nt the FSB that set him up, but S. Korea is a good place to start, just ask Kerry.
Total Disclosure… followed by a personal, face to face apology to GW, televised on international television… with GW making a 10 second dramatic pause before accepting the apology.
Then CBS should fire his A$$!!
Howbout something serious: He should reveal to us all of the other stories where he used forged documents or other dirty tricks, that we never caught.
Right now Rather isn’t sorry he used the forgeries, he is sorry he got caught. True repentance doesn’t come until you wish you hadn’t done the bad thing in the first place.
Until then, never forget. I still haven’t forgotten when NBC blew up that truck.
He should make the following statments at the end of the news:
Tom Dashele is a weasel
Ted Kennedy is a murderous sot
Algore is dangerously unhinged
Nancy Pelosi is only 42% biodegradable
Hilary Clinton is a closet militant lesbian
Michael Moore is NOT credible but is in fact….fat
Resign in disgrace, after admitting that he and his entire news bureau are and have always been Democratic party lapdogs.
Then leave the set, hee-hawing like a donkey and wearing those long fake ears.
Move to France and denounce his citizenship.
He should finish each broadcast with “This has been CBS News…fake, but accurate”. After retirement he should write for The Onion. That way he wouldn’t have to change his habit of Making Shit Up.
http://www.CommiesforKerry.com has pictures of a CBS newsvan that has a stick on it stating: The only Bush I trust is my own. It’s a funny site if you’ve never been there.
The movie “Network” comes to mind…
Yes Yogurt. WE’RE mad as hell and we’re not going to take it anymore!!
He should go straight to Iraq and get kidnapped by terrorists and be beheaded.
I am not really sure this would help his credibility, but it is the only TV appearance of Dan Rather that I would watch at this point.
i was going to say, “he can shoot himself in the head,” but i guess that’s what “seppuku” is all about
On DVD, so I can watch it over and over again.
Wait, that’d just be cool; there’s no way to regain what he never had in the first place.
Gee, that’s easy. CBS needs to split the news into two segments. In the first segment, Dan does the news sober. In the second one, he does it drunk. Not just kind of drunk, but sloppy, in-your-face who ya lookin at fella? drunk.
I’d watch him then.
44 days of community service in Times Square with a clap-board sign which reads:
“I was wrong, Bush is right, please vote for Bush. Dan Rather”
In the evenings, teach firearm safety courses.
He should wear a tight black short skirt while doing the news. At the end of his broadcast he should re enact the scene with Sharron Stone in Basic Instinct.
Geez, so many have missed it…Those aren’t forged documents, they’re fictitious documents, typed by a fictitious typewriter, stored in a fictitious file…
ummm…Bozark? Are you wanting to get a look at the stupendously shriveled senior schlong of Dan Rather?
Maybe they could get a sponsorship from Viagra and the Dan Dong could actually stand up and sign off at the end of the show.
sacrifice his first born
Seppuku would only absolve him of future gaffs, lies, or fallacious omissions. All previous actions, statements or lack thereof will still be suspect.
Seppuku is only for men of honor.
Gunga Dan has none.
Better he should hang himself like Judas.
He should give everyone in the Pajamasphere 3000 dollars (random amount) and talk extensively about each blog that proved his incompetent ass wrong. Course he’d prolly screw that up too and start spreading viscious lies about the beloved blogosphere, so just start with the pay out.
I don’t know if this would regain a reputation, but have President Bush come onto Live TV with Dan Rather. Dan then must give 25 compliments about Bush, in 3 minutes. If he fails (which I am sure we can have it on fox news so time is really like 15 seconds), He must beg for his job. IF he chooses not to beg, he must then kiss the presidental butt, live, bare and of course uncensored (unless you really don’t want to see him kiss Bush’s butt).
All of this must happen on the next 60 minutes program…
First, he must get a tattoo of W with a Stetson giving him the finger on his chest. Then, Dan will shave his entire body and shove his face into Michael “Exploding Waistband” Moore’s non-bathed ass and sing the Marine Corps hymn followed by Amazing Grace and the Star Spangled Banner. After that he get gets flogged by the Girl Scouts and then a flaming faggot wearing a John Edwards mask flings bull shit at him.
Heh, that would be funny.
He could vote for W
“What can Dan Rather do to regain his creditability?”
That`s a good question but fortunately for you I have the answer.
Click my name and read about 60 Minutes new ‘discovery’.
let the dogs out
I read some time ago of a Japanese student who failed his exams. On the way home he passed a construction site where a pile driver was working. He put his head between the hammer and the pile.
All of the above, repeatedly – except for the ‘basic instinct’ bit, ewwwwwww…
Think Braveheart…..
He should walk back to Texas, and at each home on the way he should ask us forgiveness for his years of lies, and kiss us all on the arse….
Mongo
Okay, does anyone else feel another Princess Bride reference is long overdue here?
Princess Buttercup: “You can die Slowly, cut into a Million pieces for all I care!” shoves Dan Blather off the very steep hill..
Dan Rather: “As, You, Wiiiiishhhhh!……”
But the Dred Pirate Wesley was all cool and stuff, and to compare Jerky-Creep-Faced Dan Blather to him would be such an unforgivable insult, So I must slap myself now… whap!
Ow…!
Dude…where did you find that link? That lil guy is like a “mini-Frank” in the making. Geez.