Kerry mentioned a “global test” during Thursday debates, so I sent my crack research staff to find out what that could be. Ends up, it’s freely available from the U.N. Here it is:
THE GLOBAL TEST FOR PREEMPTIVE STRIKES
Brought to you by your local U.N.
Please answer these questions with a “yes” or “no” in regards to your proposed preemptive strike.
* Is this action needed to protect your nation from an imminent threat?
* Have you considered all other courses of action?
* Will the U.N. actually have to do anything other than talk?
* Will this financially benefit France?
* Does Communist China think it’s a good idea?
* Do all Communist nations think it’s a good idea?
* Even Cuba?
* Can you wait for at least 18 months of pointless U.N. debate before acting?
* Will this in no way help Israel?
* Will this interfere with any current kickback programs at the U.N.?
* Will this in no way anger any Muslims?
* Did you obtain the permission of the country you plan to invade?
If you answered “yes” to all these questions, then you will be allowed to do a preemptive strike after you allow for the debate, fill out an ecological impact form, and grease all the right palms. Thank you for supporting your local U.N. and have a peaceful, globally popular day.
First?? Here’s another funny test!
http://transterrestrial.com/scripts/globaltest/
The Kerry way.
funny ’cause it’s true. 🙂
I was just thinking that myself, SarahK.
As true today as it was the day it was written. (Which was probably today.)
Please present in triplicate, individually signed, no carbon, no photocopies. Everything should be on standard type, no justified lettering, absolutely no superscripts.
Endorse photocopy of your latest membership payment receipt. If last month had 30 days include also the latest three ones. Use staples. No paperclips allowed unless approved by majority vote. If vetoed, use glue.
Not Funny. If Kerry gets elected it may be true. (But funny in a sickening sense)
Wait till the U.N. starts to tax us….
Frank, I took calculus, and I’m pretty sure the global test involves the first derivative being zero and the second derivative not.
“Frank, I took calculus, and I’m pretty sure the global test involves the first derivative being zero and the second derivative not.”
Well, it only applies to Kerry, because he his a variable. However, like all Frenchmen, he is also discrete, and you can’t differentiate a discrete variable in the usual sense. But you could, Kerry does go off tangents to himself, alot though, so maybe he’s his own derivate? Does that mean that Kerry is ‘e’? Because ‘eeeeeeeeeee!’ is exactly what I would expect a Frenchman to say if he were in charge of our foreign policy.
“Wait till the U.N. starts to tax us….”
Tax you? Wait until they impose the size of cucumbers on you. I can already see it: “cucumbers this size or more are now prohibited under the Can’t Fit It Up The Average ****** act.”
Excellent stuff, but is this one written right?
“Will this interfere with any current kickback programs at the U.N.?”
Ugh – just thinking about Kerry filling this form out is making me sick. Urp…