If we brought George Washington to our time, I bet he’d be astonished by all the technology we have… especially the time machine that brought him here. I don’t even know how that works.
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Al Gore knows how it works, because he invented it shortly after he invented the internet. Or maybe it was before; you can’t really tell with a time-travel machine.
Al is, however, mystified by thermos bottles. If you put hot coffee in one, it’s still hot three hours later. If you put cold lemonade in one, it’s still cold three hours later. Al wonders how the thermos bottle knows whether to keep something hot or keep it cold.
I bet he’d be astonished at the number of traitors that hold high office. And he’d marvel at how well-equipped our Army is. But I think he’d grade us a ‘D’ for preserving the Republic he helped create.
He would be astonished at the number of people who actually want to be President.
Denture technology would leave him gobsmacked.
Ditto bicycles.
He would recall Valley Forge, and be utterly amazed that we don’t want the world to be warmer.
He’d realize what a feeble candidate he was, having never once fist-bumped Martha.
That plunderer of the environment wouldn’t have time to be astonished! He would asphyxiate due to the massive increase in deadly carbon dioxide gas compared to his time! That’s if he didn’t die first from hyperthermia due to global warmening!!!11!!!1!1!
#1 – Silicon Valley Jim (LOL), he’d take one look at Al Gore and say “Did you invent the toilet, too? My, what a big ass. You eat as much as my horse!”
I think that Washington’s technical rank was General of the Army, a rank that has only been given to one other person, Pershing, and is a rank appointed for life. Technically he would be the highest ranking member of the armed forces. He’d probably use that rank to lead a coup, in order to restore constitutional principles to the country. Of course I am not advocating such a move now. Washington is rare in history, in that he is probably the only man to have lived, who could do such a thing without becoming a dictator.
He’d be amazed that even before he stepped out of the time capsule, the democrats would be writing a bill to tax time travel, and that most of the republicans were signing on to it (of course, it goes without saying that John McCain would immediately make the time travel tax a campaign promise).
For starters, he’d actually USE our technology and open up a few cans of whupp-a$$ on world enemies such as Al Kinda, I’m A Dinner Jacket, Francy Pants, and the entire Obamarama circus including Baby Elephant Mama.
He’d also appreciate the many uses of duct tape for silencing the ignorant, self-serving, fat-pocketed fascists, socialists, and communists in D.C.
The ORIGINAL GW was one sexy dude. A viable write-in.
Comparing George Washington (essentially a 6th grade education) to the likes of Barry O and others among the harvard educated elite, shows the definite contrast of the difference of being “educated” and being “smart” (or “wicked smaht” as John Adams probably called him). (Then again, a 6th grade education in the 18th century probably was a few steps above a high school education today). And I bet George would ask for them to please stop calling it Washington, DC.
Friggin TypeKey won’t work.
#18 – Posted by: MarkoMancuso on June 13, 2008 11:33 AM
TypeKey sucks! Just type your info in the boxes provided on this page and forget TypeKey.
If General Washington were alive today:
He wouldn’t expect national healthcare to pay for his wooden teeth.
He’d look at the picture on a dollar bill and say “Cool!”
He’d single-handedly dig up Zombie Reagan and toss his powdered wig into the ring as a viable Republican ticket. And win in a landslide.
There were two world-class agricultural innovators in the second half of the 18th century. One got crop rotation widely adopted. The other introduced the mule to replace the horse for farm traction, and developed his own hybrid trees. Both were nicknamed “Farmer George.” One was George Hanover (“The Third”); the other, George Washington. Had they met, they probably wouldn’t have even mentioned politics. They both knew whiskey making pretty well.
When George III learned of his army’s defeat, he asked “Where is Washington going now?” (the best answers being Quebec or Montreal). On hearing the answer (“Home”) he said, “If he does that, he’ll be the greatest man in the world.” He did that.
Napoleon said he was misunderstood. He said people expected too much of him. “After all,” he said, “I’m not George Washington.”
A time machine will never be able to go back in time before the moment it was created.
This is a law of physics determined by the smart ones.
It will be able to go into the future but having gone there, you could end up in any of an infinite number of time lines. Like one where jimmy carter and the clintons never existed. Wait – broke the law of time travel already.
Anyway to travel into the future you might as well use your imagination since it is highly unlikely you’d end up in the future time line that becomes.
Washington would admit neither he, nor any of the founding fathers imagined a world with automatic weapons, but seeing such contraptions in the hands of agents of the government, it was even more apparent that the common classes have equal access to the same.
P.S. I am not anti-government, and I think cops and the military deserve all the cool automatics they can get. I just don’t think the government should have a monopoly on practical fire power.
George Washington was a very private, self possessed, civilized man. He’d be appalled at the voyeuristic, narcissistic, selfish citizenry we have today.
Here’s a man who pledged his worldly goods and even his life to be the midwife of democracy and this is what we’ve done with it. We’ve abandoned our liberties, our standards and our God.
President General Washington would turn right around and insist we take him back, and then he’d stay at Mt. Vernon and let us all remain serfs to the British. He’d figure it’s what we deserve.
#30 – Posted by: seanmahair on June 14, 2008 10:37 PM
Well, at least there are a few of us left who still understand what our forefathers fought and died for. I think Washington would be glad to see that.
Little Johnny and his friends tip over the outhouse as a Holloween prank.
Next morning his dad asks him if he tipped over the outhouse.
Little Johnny remembers learning about young George Washington chopping down the cherry tree so he says, “I cannot tell a lie! I tipped over the outhouse!”.
His dad beats him until he’s black and blue all over.
Little Johnny cries out, “When George Washington told his father that he’d chopped down the cherry tree, his father didn’t beat him!”.
“Maybe”, says his dad, “But George Washingtons’ father wasn’t sitting in the cherry tree when he chopped it down, was he?”.
Judging by the content of his farewell address, I think George did get a glimpse of the future and he warned us what we’d have to do to avoid the future he saw.
Right now, the outhouse is tipping but it may not be too late to restore its balance.
An ounce of prevention is worth a barrel of whup-ass.
Al Gore knows how it works, because he invented it shortly after he invented the internet. Or maybe it was before; you can’t really tell with a time-travel machine.
Al is, however, mystified by thermos bottles. If you put hot coffee in one, it’s still hot three hours later. If you put cold lemonade in one, it’s still cold three hours later. Al wonders how the thermos bottle knows whether to keep something hot or keep it cold.
I bet he’d be astonished at the number of traitors that hold high office. And he’d marvel at how well-equipped our Army is. But I think he’d grade us a ‘D’ for preserving the Republic he helped create.
#2 – Posted by: Jimmy on June 13, 2008 10:19 AM
Amen. Just look at the two nitwits running for president. I’m gonna throw up again.
#3 – Posted by: on June 13, 2008 10:41 AM
That was me.
He would be astonished at the number of people who actually want to be President.
Denture technology would leave him gobsmacked.
Ditto bicycles.
He would recall Valley Forge, and be utterly amazed that we don’t want the world to be warmer.
He’d realize what a feeble candidate he was, having never once fist-bumped Martha.
He would quickly learn that the fancy new flush toilets are perfect for giving nerdy little Senators swirlies.
He’d invent the machine gun & go to town-
Or at least, that’s what I would do…
I think he’d love to get his hands on a chain saw to take care ot those pesky cherry trees…
He would declare himself ineligible for President saying “I cannot tell a lie.”
That plunderer of the environment wouldn’t have time to be astonished! He would asphyxiate due to the massive increase in deadly carbon dioxide gas compared to his time! That’s if he didn’t die first from hyperthermia due to global warmening!!!11!!!1!1!
He’d cross the Delaware and say, “What the hell happened to New Jersey?”
#11 – Posted by: Jimmy on June 13, 2008 11:06 AM
Pumps fist
#1 – Silicon Valley Jim (LOL), he’d take one look at Al Gore and say “Did you invent the toilet, too? My, what a big ass. You eat as much as my horse!”
He’d also be shocked, stunned, and disgusted at the number of drunken Irishmen we’ve allowed in.
#14 – Posted by: MarkoMancuso on June 13, 2008 11:17 AM
Pumps fist
I think he would be wondering why we don’t throw a Boston Tea Pary over our high taxes.
#15 – Posted by: Jimmy on June 13, 2008 11:22 AM
Thanks.
Pumps fist
#17 – Posted by: on June 13, 2008 11:32 AM
Friggin TypeKey won’t work.
I think that Washington’s technical rank was General of the Army, a rank that has only been given to one other person, Pershing, and is a rank appointed for life. Technically he would be the highest ranking member of the armed forces. He’d probably use that rank to lead a coup, in order to restore constitutional principles to the country. Of course I am not advocating such a move now. Washington is rare in history, in that he is probably the only man to have lived, who could do such a thing without becoming a dictator.
He’d be amazed that even before he stepped out of the time capsule, the democrats would be writing a bill to tax time travel, and that most of the republicans were signing on to it (of course, it goes without saying that John McCain would immediately make the time travel tax a campaign promise).
For starters, he’d actually USE our technology and open up a few cans of whupp-a$$ on world enemies such as Al Kinda, I’m A Dinner Jacket, Francy Pants, and the entire Obamarama circus including Baby Elephant Mama.
He’d also appreciate the many uses of duct tape for silencing the ignorant, self-serving, fat-pocketed fascists, socialists, and communists in D.C.
The ORIGINAL GW was one sexy dude. A viable write-in.
Comparing George Washington (essentially a 6th grade education) to the likes of Barry O and others among the harvard educated elite, shows the definite contrast of the difference of being “educated” and being “smart” (or “wicked smaht” as John Adams probably called him). (Then again, a 6th grade education in the 18th century probably was a few steps above a high school education today). And I bet George would ask for them to please stop calling it Washington, DC.
Friggin TypeKey won’t work.
#18 – Posted by: MarkoMancuso on June 13, 2008 11:33 AM
TypeKey sucks! Just type your info in the boxes provided on this page and forget TypeKey.
He’d visit San Fransisco and would kill himself so transporting him to today would be a waste of time…
If General Washington were alive today:
He wouldn’t expect national healthcare to pay for his wooden teeth.
He’d look at the picture on a dollar bill and say “Cool!”
He’d single-handedly dig up Zombie Reagan and toss his powdered wig into the ring as a viable Republican ticket. And win in a landslide.
There were two world-class agricultural innovators in the second half of the 18th century. One got crop rotation widely adopted. The other introduced the mule to replace the horse for farm traction, and developed his own hybrid trees. Both were nicknamed “Farmer George.” One was George Hanover (“The Third”); the other, George Washington. Had they met, they probably wouldn’t have even mentioned politics. They both knew whiskey making pretty well.
When George III learned of his army’s defeat, he asked “Where is Washington going now?” (the best answers being Quebec or Montreal). On hearing the answer (“Home”) he said, “If he does that, he’ll be the greatest man in the world.” He did that.
Napoleon said he was misunderstood. He said people expected too much of him. “After all,” he said, “I’m not George Washington.”
A time machine will never be able to go back in time before the moment it was created.
This is a law of physics determined by the smart ones.
It will be able to go into the future but having gone there, you could end up in any of an infinite number of time lines. Like one where jimmy carter and the clintons never existed. Wait – broke the law of time travel already.
Anyway to travel into the future you might as well use your imagination since it is highly unlikely you’d end up in the future time line that becomes.
Washington would admit neither he, nor any of the founding fathers imagined a world with automatic weapons, but seeing such contraptions in the hands of agents of the government, it was even more apparent that the common classes have equal access to the same.
P.S. I am not anti-government, and I think cops and the military deserve all the cool automatics they can get. I just don’t think the government should have a monopoly on practical fire power.
George Washington was a very private, self possessed, civilized man. He’d be appalled at the voyeuristic, narcissistic, selfish citizenry we have today.
Here’s a man who pledged his worldly goods and even his life to be the midwife of democracy and this is what we’ve done with it. We’ve abandoned our liberties, our standards and our God.
President General Washington would turn right around and insist we take him back, and then he’d stay at Mt. Vernon and let us all remain serfs to the British. He’d figure it’s what we deserve.
#30 – Posted by: seanmahair on June 14, 2008 10:37 PM
Well, at least there are a few of us left who still understand what our forefathers fought and died for. I think Washington would be glad to see that.
Little Johnny and his friends tip over the outhouse as a Holloween prank.
Next morning his dad asks him if he tipped over the outhouse.
Little Johnny remembers learning about young George Washington chopping down the cherry tree so he says, “I cannot tell a lie! I tipped over the outhouse!”.
His dad beats him until he’s black and blue all over.
Little Johnny cries out, “When George Washington told his father that he’d chopped down the cherry tree, his father didn’t beat him!”.
“Maybe”, says his dad, “But George Washingtons’ father wasn’t sitting in the cherry tree when he chopped it down, was he?”.
Judging by the content of his farewell address, I think George did get a glimpse of the future and he warned us what we’d have to do to avoid the future he saw.
Right now, the outhouse is tipping but it may not be too late to restore its balance.
An ounce of prevention is worth a barrel of whup-ass.
Dude. If Washington were here today he’d be watching videos of himself on YouTube, over and over.