LOS ANGELES (AP) – Former Democrat presidential candidate John Edwards was caught visiting his mistress and their child early Tuesday morning. Members of America’s gay community, who had long accepted Edwards as one of their own – reacted almost universally with stunned disappointment at the apparent proof of Edwards’s heterosexuality.
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“I cried for hours,” admitted San Francisco native Bruce Liteloafers. “Until now, I never once questioned the fact that Edwards was gay. The way he used to paw at and rub up against John Kerry, that two minute video where he did nothing but pleasure himself by caressing his own hair… hey, who could’ve had ANY doubts as to which way Johnny swung? I know he had a wife, but big deal. That marriage was faker than a set of double-D’s on the Sunset Strip. But this is like finding a video tape starring Paris Hilton and Liberace”.
However, Senator Larry Craig, who served with John Edwards in the Senate, refused to believe the news. “After decades of doing under-stall tap-dancing, I’m pretty sure I know a faggot when I see one, and John Edwards is the real deal. As for that ‘woman’ he was with, all I can say is she’s got an adam’s apple you could hang a coat on and a jaw so square she makes Arnold Schwarzenegger look like Rosie O’Donnell. I think Mr. Edwards ‘preference’ remains both clear and unchanged.”
Blogger Andrew Sullivan’s reaction, however, is more typical: a mix of dismay and resigned acceptance. “There are certain ‘icons’ in the gay community – Judy, Liza, Elton – that really inspire you to live up to your dreams of unbridled flamboyancy. For me, John Edwards was right up there with the ‘Big 3’. To find out that it was all just some sort of act… I haven’t been this crushed since Tom Cruise knocked up Katie what’s-her-name. Still, no matter what he’s done, Johnny will always be my little Breck Girl.”
Sympathizing with his people, openly gay Congressman Barney Frank (D – MA) introduced a measure in the House calling for “a national day of mourning” and requesting that all rainbow flags be flown at half staff.
Clearly he was just making a late night housecall to try to fix her hair.
I dunno, “she” looks awfully man-ish to me. Are we sure that “she” isn’t a drag queen? I swear I see an Adam’s Apple on the “woman” in photo.
I mean the blonde in the photo, of course. The Silky Pony’s lack of any outward male appearance is very well-documented.
I think the incredulous look on her face is appropriate. “What was I thinking? He’s a faggot!”
John Edward’s mistress is Gary Busey?
@#4
That comment was filled with win. :oD
You should get a prize for that.
Even Michael Jackson has “fathered” some children. The wonders of science. I don’t think the homosexual community has anything to worry about.
My conspiracy theory: We know that Rielle Hunter booked adjoining rooms – MSM asserts that one was for the baby and babysitter and one was for her and Silky.
In actual fact, Hunter stayed in the room with the baby and the babysitter. The whole thing was a put-up job to make it look like Senator Pony was carrying on with a woman – he pretending to have been caught in the act.
Had the reporters and photographers bothered to stick around after Hunter and baby left, they would have caught Edward Norton sneaking out.
It that what they call it now? I remember when they just said “ass f*cked”.
#9 – Posted by: on July 24, 2008 03:12 PM
That is soooooo wrong, but I couldn’t stop laughing at it for at least 40 seconds.
Is it just me or does Ms. Hunter look an awful lot like Camilla Parker Bowles/Mrs Prince Charles?! (“If you wanna be happy the rest of your life, justa make an ugly woman your wife….”)
Thanks UpNorthLurkin I knew she resembled some other ugly ass woman
He cheated on his wife for THAT?
Where did he find her? http://www.Granny-Like-Sausage.com ???? Lordy bee jeesus she’s been beat half to death with the ugly stick
No! No! You’ve got it all wrong! Just ask her to lift her skirt! Her (male organ) is bigger than mine!
Medical experts are pondering the mechanism behind the birth of their child. Heretofore, the joining of two female gametic nuclei followed by spontaneous mitosis has not been documented anywhere in the animal kingdom…
It’s beek like 17 days so far. are we looking good for hellbender on monday?
I really don’t want to be considered a Edward’s apologist, really. I think he’s an idiot, moron, hypocrite and weenie. However…..
I find it fascinating in the days of hooking up, cheating on, throwing out and simply having sex with what ever walks that Mr. Edward’s should be held to a different standard than the vast majority of Americans see fit to maintain is slightly bizarre.
I wonder why those who can’t manage to stay married, get married, or be chaste (not sleeping with everybody and their grandparent) are in a lather about this issue. It’s the whole mote and splinter debate.
I’ve said it before. We get the leaders we deserve. If this is what we deserve, we are all in very serious trouble. Maybe some of us ought to look in the mirror, especially those who are sinless before they cast that first stone.
Edward’s is still an idiot, but he’s an idiot for so many more important issues than this and frankly it’s embarrassing for his family who are suffering enough just having him as a relative. When we Americans start living by standards we will be able to take issue with those who don’t but as it stands now….kettle meet pot.