Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
…will be giving out Supremopones.
…..released a Harlem Shake video
…will do a reunion tour with Diana Ross. (“Oh, you can’t hurry law…”)
… will be adding Diana Ross as a special guest Supreme.
jinx Apostic.
…product placement tie-ins with Taco Bell.
changed from black to technicolor robes (a la Joseph)
…will disband and reform as the Avengers of Justice
…legalized ricin.
…legalized the Purge.
…bought $1 million worth of “likes” for their Facebook page.
…declared approval ratings unconstitutional
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
will be introducing $1 Margaritas and Wet Tee shirt decision Thursdays.
. . . are considering actually reading the Constitution.
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
will hold the entire country in contempt of court until they change their minds.
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
…will be introducing the new Supreme Court Survivor TV show.
… used the Commerce Clause to justify a mandate requiring anyone who does not respond positively in an approval rating survey to be subject to a tax.
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
…will add Jay-Lo and Will I Am to the bench.
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
will say, “Approval ratings? We don’t need your stinkin’ Approval ratings!”
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
will have celebrity guest justices such as Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, Howard Stern and Geraldo Rivera.
… decided to… SQUIRREL!
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
summary executions for the losing Attorneys.
…will be handing out cookies.
… will refer controversial cases to “The People’s Court” instead.
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
…take their gavels and go home.
…taking a cue from the IRS, will release a Line Dance video.
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
…will make it Constitutional for ALL of them to marry a Kardashian.
…will endorse the immigration reform bill. (Will probably work as well for them as it as for Rubio.)
declared approval ratings unconstitutional.
…Roberts will change his name to Dredd, and the court will start handling cases a bit more proactively.
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
…will lose some weight and get those wrinkles spruced up a bit, maybe get a cute dog.
…decided to vote off a justice every time a decision is rendered.
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
…will build more parks and try to plop a tourist attraction, oh wait, that’s SimCity.
…is giving a 50% off coupon for Papa Johns with every ruling that passes with 6 or more votes
…will deliver every 5th ruling in Klingon
…will deliver all rulings via twitter, since that’s the limit of most peoples attention span anyway
…will convert their chamber to a reality TV show which dispenses justice on live TV by spinning the “wheel of fate” It’s rumored that Richard Dawson will host!
…will rule that displaying dissatisfaction with the supreme court is unconstitutional and treasonous, and perpetrators of said dissent must be sent to Guantanamo Bay for reprogramming
…will defer any non unanimous decisions until 2015
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
…will have one justice mysteriously killed each term, and have a TV detective try to find the real killer in a 3 part mini-series starring Troy McClure.
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
…will post naked pictures of their privates on the net. Hey, it’s working for Anthony Weiner.
…will hire Aaron Sorkin to ghostwrite their decisions. (They won’t make a lick of sense but they’ll be edgy.)
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
…will buy everyone in America a round.
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
will replace the liberals on the Bench with potted plants. They’ll vote the same way, but save the country a buck or two.
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
will finally hand down a final decision on who shot JR.
…decisions will now contain random phrases like “Let me be clear” and “The time is now” and “There are some who will say.”
… will enact a change making their jobs for life so they don’t have to worry about approval ratings. Oh… wait…
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
will continue to put a cap in America’s collective ass until they get their props.
…will stop whining about how tough their life is, quit lecturing people on how they should live their lives, stop taking lavish, multimillion dollar vacations, start wearing sleeves, get breast implants… oh, wait — that’s what the First Lady is doing about her sagging approval ratings.
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
will save more kittens stuck in trees, more ducks stuck in storm drains, more born alive babies snipped in Gosnellian clinics around America.
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
will become Supreme Fear Factor with host Justice Joe Rogan subjecting plaintiff and respondent to eat a bowlful of worms and dead flies, be sealed into a glass coffin filled with leeches and scorpions, then bungee-jumped into a tank filled with sharks before the winner recieves his judgement from the court.
@43: I dunno, I bet Souter would seriously consider breast implants.
… announced that when the next justice dies/retires, (s)he will be replaced by a an “America votes!” phone poll instead.
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
…found sagging approval ratings to be unconstitutional.
…agreed that in the future, judges who rule with the minority will have to get bright purple mohawks.
… will delay implementing any more of their decisions until 2015!
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
will bring in perennial series-saver Ted McGinley and have a new, edgy theme song co-written by Justin Timberlake and Art Alexakis.
Are filming a special Christmas episode…
Hmmm. “The Supreme Court Holiday Special.” What could possibly go wrong?
…Sam Alito will wear a cervical collar to control his head shaking.
… will start showing up for session in only their “legal briefs”.
…are retitling themselves as the Justice League and are having new costumes made.
Justice Kennedy = Green Lantern (the gay one).
Justice Scalia = Superman.
Justice Roberts = Elongated Man.
Justice Thomas = Batman
Justice Alito = Captain Marvel
Justice Breyer = Flash
Justice Sotomayor = Martian Manhunter
Justice Ginsburg = Hawkgirl
Justice Kagan = Aquaman
…in the next session will introduce new Junior Associate Justice Cousin Oliver.
…will have Ruth Bader Ginsberg jump a shark on water skis.
…will end this session with a cliffhanger: Who shot Justice Kennedy in the face with birdshot?
@55 Shouldn’t Roberts be “Two-Face” from Batman?
Given how Roberts has been plenty flexible, I can see him as the Elongated Man. (If he were a goof, say Plastic Man.) BTW, I think maybe Justice Kagan as the Question. (Many verbal implications, few direct answers.)
Handing out Vuvuzelas to everyone in the gallery so that they, might join in the fun! Vuvzelas for everyone, yippee!
…will hire a new bailiff – Bruce Campbell.
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
will be replaced by Fry, Leela, Bender, Morbo, Prof. Farnsworth, Amy and Scruffy.
…will institute a whole new type of trial. Details are sketchy but the project is going by the code name “Thunderdome”.
will allow betting quatloos on their rulings.
@57 I was trying to stick to actual Justice League names…but Two-Faced works, too! I was think along lines of @58.
. . . is considering replacing Justices Ginsburg, Breyer, Sotomayor, Kagan, and Kennedy with magic 8-balls.
…or maybe bring in Richard Moll as bailiff, Charles Robinson as the clerk….
@29 – Wait… you mean he’ll be the Dredd Justice Roberts? Does this mean he’ll leave no survivors and he’s coming for your soul?
@61 – That’s only 7. May I suggest the addition of LRRR! – Ruler of the Planet Omicron Persei 8, and possibly Professor Ogden Wernstrom
*shakes fist*
Werrrrnstrom!!!
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
will have Billy Crystal issue their rulings with cutesy, smart-assed song parodies.
@67 Dredd Pirate Roberts with his holocaust cloak?
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
will proceed all rulings with “Kennedy is right, psychotic, but absolutely right!”
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
will stage a coup and install Justice Kennedy as interim all powerful ruler of time, space and dimension.
… are releasing their rendition of “I Fought the Law”.
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
…will do like Obummer does, go into campaign mode even though it does not matter.
…will rule that US citizens have the right to bare arms and bare legs
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
..Ask Judge Judy to sit in on their next decision.
…will be adding a dog and Ted McGinley to the cast for next season.
To boost their sagging approval ratings, the Supreme Court…
had only one possible choice, they had to…[we interrupt this punchline with this breaking announcement, “To get back to the warning that I received. You may take it with however many grains of salt that you wish. That the brown acid that is circulating around us isn’t too good. It is suggested that you stay away from that. Of course it’s your own trip. So be my guest, but please be advised that there is a warning on that one, ok?” We now return you to your regularly scheduled punchline, already in progress.] …never mind the mayonnaise, get a hold of that Salami!
@75
Blarg, please ref #50.
GMTA
Thanks for the h/t.
Shrugged it off. They do have permanent jobs and full pay pensions with full health care, so who needs respect?
will hold a lottery; winner gets to decide a case of his/her choice and is guaranteed a 9-0 decision
…is handing out free condoms and birth control
…Chief Justice will break all 4-4 ties with the Flip Wilson commemorative coin toss.
…all decisions will be announced while the justices are watching a sunset, from the relaxing comfort of their bathtubs on the hillside, during commercial breaks.
…the cool libs get to wear hoodies and rap their questions and decisions while the conservative leaners have to wear white hoods and dissenting opinions are limited to burning crosses on the White House lawn.
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