“The economy is still not improving,” President Bush announced, “I need new ideas.”
“How about more tax cuts?” offered one the president’s advisors.
“I don’t know if that will work,” Bush said dubiously.
“I got it!” exclaimed another advisor, “Even more tax cuts!”
“I like that!” Bush responded, “Let’s go with it.”
Suddenly the doors to the conference room burst open as two secret service agents were thrown to the floor. Then a large man walked in. “Your puny secret service agents tried to stop me,” the man announced, “but I will see the president whenever I please. I am Ah-nuld!”
“And who are you?” the president asked.
“I am Ah-nuld!”
“Oh, Arnold Scwha… uh…” Bush paused for a moment. “Well, we all know your last name. What do you want?”
“I wish to become governor of California, and I demand your support or I will crush you!”
“No problemo,” Bush said, “I fully support your efforts with the recall.”
“I have no time to wait for recall,” Arnold shouted, “The voters are puny; they reelected Gray Davis. I will crush them! I take governorship now! I am Ah-nuld!”
“So what are you planning?”
“You will fly me down to California now, and I will crush Gray Davis for he is puny. Then I am governor. I am Ah-nuld!”
Bush thought about this for a moment. “I like your moxy; let’s do it.” He called up his staff. “Get Airforce One ready; it’s time for a road trip!”
“Just one more question,” Arnold said, “What is this dog that is biting my leg?”
“Oh, that’s just Chomps, the world’s angriest dog. Gnawing on your leg is just his way of saying he likes you… or is it his way of trying to sever a major artery and kill you? I forget; to be honest, I try to stay as far away as I can from that horrible thing.”
“Ha! His bite is puny; he will never gnaw through my leg! I am Ah-nuld!”
“Governor Davis, you were supposed to get those bills signed,” the governor’s aide reminded him.
“I was going to,” Governor Gray Davis said, “but I broke my pen and forgot where my other pens are.”
“You are so incompetent!” the aide exclaimed, “You have to get things together before your disapproval rating get any higher. People are actually moving here from other states just to hate you.”
“Is it really that bad?”
“Haven’t you been watching the news?”
“I was going to,” Davis said, “but I accidentally took the batteries out of the TV remote and couldn’t figure out how to put them back in.”
“Ah!” the aide exclaimed, “You are so incompetent!”
Suddenly they heard a loud crash. “What happened?” Davis cried.
The aide looked out the window. “Apparently a Humvee has crashed through the front of the mansion.”
The doors to Gray Davis’s office were kicked opened. “I am Ah-nuld! I am governor now!”
“Now just wait one moment,” a befuddled Gray Davis responded, “You can’t just barge in here and…”
“You are puny! I will crush you!” Arnold yelled and then picked up Gray Davis and threw him out the window. “Now I am governor! I am Ah-nuld!”
“You can’t just become governor by throwing the current governor out the window,” the governor’s aide protested.
“You are puny too!” Arnold shouted and then picked up the aide and tossed him out the window.
“Wow, democracy in action,” Bush said, having followed in behind Arnold into the office, “It’s a beautiful thing to behold.”
Soon the press had sworn into the office as well. “I am Ah-nuld!” Arnold announced, “I am governor now!”
Do you really think you can take the governorship by…” one reporter started to say, but Arnold then grabbed him.
“Do you question me? I am Ah-nuld! You are puny; I will crush you!”
“No, I’m not questioning you, Mr. Governor,” the reporter said meekly.
“How about you, President Bush,” said another reporter, “Do you support this violent coup?”
“I wouldn’t call it a violent coup,” Bush answered, “If you look at California law, storming into the governor mansion and throwing the current governor out the window is a perfectly legit method for the succession of power.”
“What part of California law says that?”
Bush started laughing. “Come on; what’s the chance I know anything about California law? I was just bluffing.”
“So, Arnold, why is there a very angry dog chewing on your leg?”
“I do not know and I do not care. His bite is puny; I am Ah-nuld!”
“Former-governor Gray Davis was critically injured by being thrown out the window of his office, that critical wounding getting 62% approval from California voters. This means the new governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, is off to a strong start. On the subject of the budget deficits, he said quote, ‘The deficits are puny. I will crush them. I am Arnold.'”
“Just when you thought California couldn’t get any screwier,” quipped the anchorwoman.
“Speaking of screwy, in San Francisco today…”
Someone Chomps can’t hurt?
I’m so disallusioned.
“People are actually moving here from other states just to hate you.” Love it!
(I had someone from work ask me if I moved from New Jersey to New York just to be able to hate Hillary more effectively. No, that wasn’t the reason, but it WAS a nice bonus!)
This is Ah-nold we’re speaking of. So no, Chomps probably can’t hurt him. 😉
Mini-Tour
Frank has out-done himself in today’s In My World! Go here immediately! Tiger is back from camping! Woo hoo! Pixy Misa has almost as many videos as I do! (but his are dust free!). John had a brush with death…….
first Laura Bush and Hillary…now Arnold, when did Chomps become such a wimp.
Yeah, Chomps is getting old and feeble, need Condi to replace him with a K-800 Terminator Unit.
Haven’t y’all ever seen a dog mumble a chew toy? Ah-nuld’s leg is probably the first thing Chomps has come acros that doesn’t shatter at the first nibble.
And don’t any of you tell me you wouldn’t head for the tall grass if Hillary rared up and hissed at you.
Wakes up
GODDAM SUCH A WONDEFUL DREAM. Such a beautiful, gorgeous dream. If only something like that happened…it would certainly get my approval.
And people, please. Have faith in Chomps…I’m sure there’s a very good reason he hasn’t dis-emboweled Ah-nuld yet.
-Jeff
In Frank J’s World: I Am I Am Ah-Nuld!
As California moves into it’s SECOND WEEK WITHOUT A BUDGET, Frank J at IMAO has written a classic about California politics: “Governor Davis, you were supposed to get those bills signed,” the governor’s aide reminded him. “I was going to,”…
When we rassle around my German Shepard puts various parts of me in her mouth, arms, legs, head. If she bit down seriously I’d draw back a nub. Chomps has finally found a friend to play with, Ah-nuld. Just as it would be a Bad Idea to threaten me in front of my good girl, Keena, it’s probably an even worse idea to mess with Ah-nuld, now that Chomps has found a friend. Rumsfeld will miss him, though.
Davis recall update, Frank J. style
Frank J. has his own take on the recall situation in California in the latest installment of In My World. I’d point out that it’s funny stuff, but it’s Frank, so you already knew that….
I don’t care what anyone says, Ah-nuld rocks! So what if he got nibbled by Chomps and lived? The world’s angriest dog still has some unfinished business (along with Buck the Marine) in Belgium.
I want Arnold to be President in 2008.
Nah, Ah-nuld wouldn’t be Ah-nuld without some unnoticed blood and gore. Undoubtedly, Ah-nuld’s aides can find him merely by following the blood trail and Chomps’ growling. Of course, Chomps will never be able to do more than give him a flesh wound.
sigh Davis is so bad it is hard to find humor in jokes about the guy. A few months ago his people were saying that a recall petition was impossible, only a few fanatic nuts would be interested. Pure lunacy. Now they are saying that it came through because nasty rich Republicans “bought it” and you can buy anything
if you pay for it. Never mind the money HE has spent and the dirty tricks HE has played (not even worth going into here), or his historic, record low popularity, or pure bungling on taxes and the power problem … Oh, well.
Oh, yes! Being from California myself makes this post even more enjoyable!
My favorites:
“People are actually moving here from other states just to hate you.”
“Bush started laughing. “Come on; what’s the chance I know anything about California law? I was just bluffing.”
I know that I, for one, would LOVE to see Davis tossed out a window. Think we could pass around a petition that promises Davis getting tossed out a window on National Television if he gets recalled? I bet it’d bring in a helluva lot more signatures on the recall!
“People are actually moving here from other states just to hate you.”
Seconded, er, thirded for IMAO’s Hall of Fame.
I flew back from the States last week on Swissair, the captain came on over the intercom and I thought he sounded familiar.
“Ziss is your captain speakink. When da seatbelts sign flashes on… I vant to hear VON CLICK!”
People buckled up in unison, it was the most amazing thing.
I am saddened by your defenestration of me.
Oh to dare dream!
The aide looked out the window. “Apparently a Humvee has crashed through the front of the mansion.” The doors to Gray Davis’s office were kicked opened. “I am Ah-nuld! I am governor now!” “Now just wait one moment,” a befuddled…
wow, a full Ah-nuld vs Chomps battle would be awesome. good thing they’re on the same side; I agree with aelfhead & Peter, Chomps is just playing. recognizes a kindred spirit. if things get real bad in November maybe Rummy and Ah-nuld can to crush some people (hopefully won’t be needed). keep up da good verk, FrankJ.