For liberals all depressed that Palin is stealing all of Obama’s momentum, here’s a way to commit suicide… if you’re bad ass enough! (you’re not)
Our military needs more lasers. Not just lasers from planes and lasers from space, but also ground based lasers and hand held lasers. America’s enemies should always be in fear of getting shot by a laser and have no idea where it will come from.
Obama may be planning on getting more personal in his attacks on McCain because you know how well Obama will measure up to McCain character wise. Extremely vague policy talk may not be working out for you, Obama, but it’s all you’ve got; stick with it.
If Obama goes personal against Palin, she should just give him a wedgy and take his lunch money. What’s he going to do? Complain he was bullied by a girl. He’ll be laughed off the national stage.
Is Biden campaigning now? I mean, is he going city to city attracting groups of four or five people and talking up Obama. What was his purpose again?
What’s the point of cats? I guess they used to kill mice for people. We don’t have a mouse problem, so I asked my wife if I could take the cats and put them burlap sack and throw them in a bog. She said no.
It almost looks like McCain has saved the Republican Party and conservatives with his pick of Palin. For a while, it was looking like we’d have to have Democrats in charge before we could regain our momentum, but now we’re pumped and ready to kick ass. We might have to build a statue for McCain. Here’s my idea: Make it a extremely regal statue, and while your standing around in admiration it suddenly kicks you in nuts for no reason. That’s maverick action right there!
Of course, conservatives will always win in the end. We have to fight for this country as we just don’t have any other place to go. If liberals want to see their pansy-ass ideasl in action, they always have Europe, but America is the last bastion of freedom and conservative ideals, so if that all gets thrown to the wayside, the only option left is to put a flag on a floating platform out in the ocean and declare it “Frank J-istan.”
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What’s the point of cats? I guess they used to kill mice for people. We don’t have a mouse problem, so I asked my wife if I could take the cats and put them burlap sack and throw them in a bog. She said no.
That’s how I feel about kids – except they’re not even that good at catching mice.
Liberals would probably demand that Frank-J-istan adopt a gun ban, lower its emissions, and adopt a universal health care plan. You can never run from them. You just have to turn and rip their guts out, just like those adorable polar bears they are always trying to save.
America’s enemies should always be in fear of getting shot by a laser and have no idea where it will come from.
The thought of putting terror into the hearts of Democrats always brightens my day…as would the glow of lasers melting their empty heads.
I actually feel sorry for him. After all, his purpose was to make Barry look presidential and you have to admit, that’s a pretty tall order.
Kinda like making Uberman look sane, Rosie look thin, Edwards look manly, and KOZacks look human.
Where does Barack Obama stand on the pork issue? We know that Muslims don’t like pork. Could it be that all of these pork-barrel earmarks he has requested are to show that he’s not a Muslim, which everyone already knows?
I think this campaign needs more liverwurst. Really any pork-based sausage product would do, but liverwurst or braunschweiger would be my picks.
Obama should take the offensive and explain that since ‘dissent is patriotic’, Bill Ayres is the greatest living American.
The best thing for Obama to do is to attack McCain at his strength, which is his status as POW survivor. Obama should say he’d never allow torture to go on, the way McCain did for years and years.
Maybe the candidates could be seen eating a little ham salad, or a nice knackwurst sandwich. Not much pork in knackwurst.
If Obama goes personal against Palin, she should just give him a wedgy and take his lunch money. What’s he going to do? Complain he was bullied by a girl. He’ll be laughed off the national stage.
Reminds me of a lesson I learned in 3rd grade.
We were chasing girls around the school yard when I cornered one, a 5th grader.
I yelled, “Hey guys, I caught one.” before I found out who had actually caught whom.
She advanced on me and punched me in the nose. I ran home, bleeding all the way so that nobody would find out about that. I’ve never told that story before so don’t tell anybody I got beat up by a girl or I will never get to be president.
One question, did anybody see “Hole in the Wall” last night? Now, it might have been the blood donation and six-pack of Grolsch speaking, but that show made me laugh hard.
Take some fat chicks, put them in Space:1999, skin-tight, shiny outfits and get them to try to fit through tiny holes in a styrofoam wall moving at a decent speed and hilarity ensues.
I laughed almost as hard as when Obama! picked Biden, and that’s saying something.
“* Is Biden campaigning now?”
Yeah, but he’s confused. Wednesday he was stumping for Hillary.
As far as Palin attacking Obama, giving him a wedgie and taking his lunch money, that could backfire. Everyone would be thinking, “Why is she picking on that pretty, little black girl? She must be racist.”
When listening to Obama with Democrats around, and Obama starts his answer with “Uh, um, era, aa, dititit, bububub, um… [blah blah blah…]” just announce, “Well, he got the first part right!” and mimic him. It drives them nuts!
Jamie Kennedy Experiment #2008: Campaign ad where McCain stands in front a large billboard of an “earmark pig” with lipstick and out from behind pops Sarah Palin in leather holding an M-4. Code Pink bitches (actresses) faint straight away and Obama swears.
SNL sketch: Obama is lecturing about a woman’s “right to choose” and he’s interrupted by dozens of bloodied Cabbage Patch babies falling from the sky.
‘Hole in the Wall’ sucks! I now use it as a term to indicate how stupidly pathetic and utterly retarded something is. i.e. Obama’s so called economic policies are completely Hole in the Wall.
“* What’s the point of liberals? I guess they used to kill mice for people as long as they could get earmarks for their buddies in Big Mouse Trap and as long as the mice weren’t endangered in some way. We don’t have a mouse problem, so I asked my wife if I could take the liberals and put them in a burlap sack and throw them in a bog. She said she’d think about it.”
Fixed that for ya’ Frank J. No need to thank me. :o)
Sarah believes global warming and that we must fight it!! Yah Sarah!! I’m a longtime liberal but I may vote for this smart, sexy global warming fighting babe!!
“I believe that man’s activities certainly can be contributing to the issue of global warming, climate change,” Palin said. “Here in Alaska, the only arctic state in our union of course, we see the effects of climate change more so than any other area with ice pack melting. Regardless though of the reason for climate change — whether it’s entirely wholly caused by man’s activities or is part of the cyclical nature of our planet, the warming and the cooling trends — regardless of that, John McCain and I agree that we got to do something about it and we have to make sure that we’re doing all we can to cut back on pollution.”
we are all in this together to fight global warming. Palin just punch Rush Limbaugh in the face and pooped on all you losers here on this dumb stupid blog. take that f***ers
Wouldn’t McCain look a lot cooler if he talked in a pirate voice and carried a rusty cutlass around with him?
“And this be the cutlass that I, Maverick McCain, shall use if the foul harpy Michelle gets near me. Arggh!”
And no, I don’t know how I stumbled onto that train of thought.
Cats are good for keeping the house spider-free, which makes my wife happy. On the other hand I seldom see the cats munching on spiders, so I guess you could say that our cats also keep the house Matt Damon-free, since I’ve never seen him in my house. Therefore, cats are vitally important.
When will brewers stop using green bottles for beer? All green bottle beer tastes like arse.
Jesus done left Chicago. Hey, why hasn’t Obambi adopted that old ZZ Top song for his campaign music? It’s a winner.
Soviet bombers landed in Venezuela. The press was quick to tell us that there were no nukes on board. But who’s to know if they were carrying cases of Stolichnaya for Oogo Shawvezzz.
Cats eat spiders. Or I assume so. We have cats but no spiders. I guess using that logic, our cats also eat Matt Damon, who I’ve also never seen in our house. Matt Damon has a flavor; stupid.
Hooray for #22! A primate who can barely think in his own language found something all on his own! I hereby dub #22 as the smartest leftard to date (Sorry Obama; even this guy has more experience than you).
“Ehh? What’s that? How do you work this thing? what do I push next? Oh… this new-fangled technology will never work!”
… my best impression of a 20-25 yr old Obama supporter trying to use a voting booth…
Seniors, on the other hand…
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but we know how to win elections.”
Maybe you can try it sometime? #22? You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Yes you would! Yes you would!
“* When will brewers stop using green bottles for beer? All green bottle beer tastes like arse.”
FOOL!!! Some of the best beers in the world are put in green bottles. Pilsner Urquell, St. Pauli Girl, Beck’s, etc….the list goes on.
Zilly Anglisch—stick to sipping your Zimas and Smirnoff ices in chain bars at strip malls.
FUERE FREI!!!!
“If Obama goes personal against Palin, she should just give him a wedgy and take his lunch money. What’s he going to do? Complain he was bullied by a girl. He’ll be laughed off the national stage.”
Ja, posssibly. On the other hand, he might gain more respect among male voters for having succeeded in goading Sarahcuda into…errr…”physically abusing” him. (winkwinknudge*nudge)
FEURE FREI!!!!!
C’mon now Frank! We need a liberal statue as well! How a big one of “Himself”, “The One”, “The Messiah”! As you stand and gaze upon it’s awesomeness it grabs you, pulls your pants down, bends you over and gives you a good buggerin’…
“Why is she picking on that pretty, little black girl?”
Don’t be silly. There’s a world of difference between Obama and a girl. Girls have vaginas at the other end.
McCain and IMAO:
Both give us beautiful, brilliant, well-armed Sarahs from states that still understand what a frontier is and how to deal with it.
When Hugh Hewitt keeps referring to “An army of Sarahs”, my ears perk up. It makes me want to put a “drill here, drill now” sign on my lawn in the hope there’s a single one willing to come violate the third amendment (No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.). 🙂
My father would turn over in his grave(he was a dyed in the wool hard core conservative),my mother was a very liberal democrat. She always voted democrat so she could cancel out my Dad’s vote.
This year is different, she is not voting the Democratic ticket, at the age of 82 she has now decided to vote the Republican ticket.
Why you ask??? Sarah Palin is the answer. It wasn’t because she is a woman either(Mom didn’t like Hillary or Obama)it’s because Sarah Palin is a real person, down to earth.
So don’t tell me that a person is too old to make the RIGHT change. Go SARAH!!!!
While I realize that some people don’t like cats, the last time we tried to get rid of them we managed to kill between a quarter and a half of the earths population. Kill the cats the mice and rats propagate, some of them carry bubonic plague.
Somehow the idea of dying of the plague is not appealing to me.
#8 – Socrates,
‘Obama should say he’d never allow torture to go on, the way McCain did for years and years.’
That’s the most cunningly wicked line I’ve ever read!
It also fits the whole ‘blame the victim’ motif common in certain circles.
And yet, it sounds like something he might say off the cuff, only to realize too late what he just said!
Brilliant!
I don’t know so much about sending cats to the camps, but I do wish someone would invent a computer virus that would devastate all cellular phones, Blackberries, and all of the other mobile crap people have invented to bother us with.
FEURE FREI!!!!
Oh I am so there. If I have to listen to one more lame conversation while standing in a checkout line, or waiting for an appointment or simply trying to mail a letter.
I do not want to know about your test results, your daughters abusive boyfriend or your girlfriend’s six toes. I want you to respect others enough not to inflict your personal issues on the rest of us.
I don’t know so much about sending cats to the camps, but I do wish someone would invent a computer virus that would devastate all cellular phones, Blackberries, and all of the other mobile crap people have invented to bother us with.
FEURE FREI!!!!
Green bottles! There is beer in green bottles! It’s Martian beer!
Oh, don’t get me started.
Any color bottle is fine if you cover it with cardboard or something to keep the light out. Any color bottle will let the contaminating light in eventually, though brown takes longer. If your beer tastes like it was brewed through a skunk, it’s not the bottle, it’s the way it was stored.
Unless it really is Martian beer.
signed, former HomeBrewster
Frank,
You married a wise woman.
You are right about not having a mouse problem, but you forget that that is because you have cats. If you got rid of the cats, you would have a mouse problem.
Worse yet, I’m sure they would be ninja mice, doing nothing but ninja stuff, breeding and voting for Obama. (Same for their offspring).
Bottom line: Sarah smart. Cats good.
okay your site has me laughing every day, but I draw the line at the cats comment. Cats are freaking cool. Any animal can hunt down and kill other pesty animals in your house and then curl up and purr on your lap while you read is tops in my book.
That’s how I feel about kids – except they’re not even that good at catching mice.
Liberals would probably demand that Frank-J-istan adopt a gun ban, lower its emissions, and adopt a universal health care plan. You can never run from them. You just have to turn and rip their guts out, just like those adorable polar bears they are always trying to save.
-and if Snickers REALLY satisfies, then why do we need “King Sized” Snickers?
And what government agency decided exactly how big “Fun Size” is supposed to be?!?!
America’s enemies should always be in fear of getting shot by a laser and have no idea where it will come from.
The thought of putting terror into the hearts of Democrats always brightens my day…as would the glow of lasers melting their empty heads.
I actually feel sorry for him. After all, his purpose was to make Barry look presidential and you have to admit, that’s a pretty tall order.
Kinda like making Uberman look sane, Rosie look thin, Edwards look manly, and KOZacks look human.
The point of cats is that they will one day shoot lasers out of their mouths. Haven’t you ever seen
Laser Cats?
If Obama goes personal against Palin, she should just give him a wedgy and take his lunch money. What’s he going to do? Complain he was bullied by a girl. He’ll be laughed off the national stage.
Reminds me of a lesson I learned in 3rd grade.
We were chasing girls around the school yard when I cornered one, a 5th grader.
I yelled, “Hey guys, I caught one.” before I found out who had actually caught whom.
She advanced on me and punched me in the nose. I ran home, bleeding all the way so that nobody would find out about that. I’ve never told that story before so don’t tell anybody I got beat up by a girl or I will never get to be president.
One question, did anybody see “Hole in the Wall” last night? Now, it might have been the blood donation and six-pack of Grolsch speaking, but that show made me laugh hard.
Take some fat chicks, put them in Space:1999, skin-tight, shiny outfits and get them to try to fit through tiny holes in a styrofoam wall moving at a decent speed and hilarity ensues.
I laughed almost as hard as when Obama! picked Biden, and that’s saying something.
Who is this Joe Biden character? Was he chosen to lock in the baldness gene vote?
Cats exist to give dogs something to chase.
“* Is Biden campaigning now?”
Yeah, but he’s confused. Wednesday he was stumping for Hillary.
As far as Palin attacking Obama, giving him a wedgie and taking his lunch money, that could backfire. Everyone would be thinking, “Why is she picking on that pretty, little black girl? She must be racist.”
Why is she picking on that pretty, little black girl? She must be racist.”
Now that’s funny.
‘Hole in the Wall’ sucks! I now use it as a term to indicate how stupidly pathetic and utterly retarded something is. i.e. Obama’s so called economic policies are completely Hole in the Wall.
“* What’s the point of liberals? I guess they used to kill mice for people as long as they could get earmarks for their buddies in Big Mouse Trap and as long as the mice weren’t endangered in some way. We don’t have a mouse problem, so I asked my wife if I could take the liberals and put them in a burlap sack and throw them in a bog. She said she’d think about it.”
Fixed that for ya’ Frank J. No need to thank me. :o)
Sarah believes global warming and that we must fight it!! Yah Sarah!! I’m a longtime liberal but I may vote for this smart, sexy global warming fighting babe!!
“I believe that man’s activities certainly can be contributing to the issue of global warming, climate change,” Palin said. “Here in Alaska, the only arctic state in our union of course, we see the effects of climate change more so than any other area with ice pack melting. Regardless though of the reason for climate change — whether it’s entirely wholly caused by man’s activities or is part of the cyclical nature of our planet, the warming and the cooling trends — regardless of that, John McCain and I agree that we got to do something about it and we have to make sure that we’re doing all we can to cut back on pollution.”
we are all in this together to fight global warming. Palin just punch Rush Limbaugh in the face and pooped on all you losers here on this dumb stupid blog. take that f***ers
Wouldn’t McCain look a lot cooler if he talked in a pirate voice and carried a rusty cutlass around with him?
“And this be the cutlass that I, Maverick McCain, shall use if the foul harpy Michelle gets near me. Arggh!”
And no, I don’t know how I stumbled onto that train of thought.
Bingo! I have found the stupid right wingers. They are you!!!
It’s a nature thing. The green hue of the bottle is warning predators of its terrible flavor.
Hooray for #22! A primate who can barely think in his own language found something all on his own! I hereby dub #22 as the smartest leftard to date (Sorry Obama; even this guy has more experience than you).
“Ehh? What’s that? How do you work this thing? what do I push next? Oh… this new-fangled technology will never work!”
… my best impression of a 20-25 yr old Obama supporter trying to use a voting booth…
Seniors, on the other hand…
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but we know how to win elections.”
Maybe you can try it sometime? #22? You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Yes you would! Yes you would!
“* When will brewers stop using green bottles for beer? All green bottle beer tastes like arse.”
FOOL!!! Some of the best beers in the world are put in green bottles. Pilsner Urquell, St. Pauli Girl, Beck’s, etc….the list goes on.
Zilly Anglisch—stick to sipping your Zimas and Smirnoff ices in chain bars at strip malls.
FUERE FREI!!!!
“If Obama goes personal against Palin, she should just give him a wedgy and take his lunch money. What’s he going to do? Complain he was bullied by a girl. He’ll be laughed off the national stage.”
Ja, posssibly. On the other hand, he might gain more respect among male voters for having succeeded in goading Sarahcuda into…errr…”physically abusing” him. (winkwinknudge*nudge)
FEURE FREI!!!!!
C’mon now Frank! We need a liberal statue as well! How a big one of “Himself”, “The One”, “The Messiah”! As you stand and gaze upon it’s awesomeness it grabs you, pulls your pants down, bends you over and gives you a good buggerin’…
And…my two Ragdoll kittens are being trained to bite the balls off any liberal who shows at the front door…yummy!
“Why is she picking on that pretty, little black girl?”
Don’t be silly. There’s a world of difference between Obama and a girl. Girls have vaginas at the other end.
McCain and IMAO:
Both give us beautiful, brilliant, well-armed Sarahs from states that still understand what a frontier is and how to deal with it.
When Hugh Hewitt keeps referring to “An army of Sarahs”, my ears perk up. It makes me want to put a “drill here, drill now” sign on my lawn in the hope there’s a single one willing to come violate the third amendment (No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.). 🙂
My father would turn over in his grave(he was a dyed in the wool hard core conservative),my mother was a very liberal democrat. She always voted democrat so she could cancel out my Dad’s vote.
This year is different, she is not voting the Democratic ticket, at the age of 82 she has now decided to vote the Republican ticket.
Why you ask??? Sarah Palin is the answer. It wasn’t because she is a woman either(Mom didn’t like Hillary or Obama)it’s because Sarah Palin is a real person, down to earth.
So don’t tell me that a person is too old to make the RIGHT change. Go SARAH!!!!
It’s nice to hear from the Secretary on the subject of automation. 🙂
I have one simple request:
AND THAT IS TO HAVE SHARKS WITH FRIKKIN’ LASER BEAMS ATTACHED TO THEIR HEADS!!!
Ammo will be the currency of the new Frankj-istan.
The denominations will be rifle and pistol.
What about shotgun shells? Double 00 or flechette shells can ruin homey’s day.
FUERE FREI!!!!!
While I realize that some people don’t like cats, the last time we tried to get rid of them we managed to kill between a quarter and a half of the earths population. Kill the cats the mice and rats propagate, some of them carry bubonic plague.
Somehow the idea of dying of the plague is not appealing to me.
#8 – Socrates,
‘Obama should say he’d never allow torture to go on, the way McCain did for years and years.’
That’s the most cunningly wicked line I’ve ever read!
It also fits the whole ‘blame the victim’ motif common in certain circles.
And yet, it sounds like something he might say off the cuff, only to realize too late what he just said!
Brilliant!
I don’t know so much about sending cats to the camps, but I do wish someone would invent a computer virus that would devastate all cellular phones, Blackberries, and all of the other mobile crap people have invented to bother us with.
FEURE FREI!!!!
Oh I am so there. If I have to listen to one more lame conversation while standing in a checkout line, or waiting for an appointment or simply trying to mail a letter.
I do not want to know about your test results, your daughters abusive boyfriend or your girlfriend’s six toes. I want you to respect others enough not to inflict your personal issues on the rest of us.
I don’t know so much about sending cats to the camps, but I do wish someone would invent a computer virus that would devastate all cellular phones, Blackberries, and all of the other mobile crap people have invented to bother us with.
FEURE FREI!!!!
Green bottles! There is beer in green bottles! It’s Martian beer!
Oh, don’t get me started.
Any color bottle is fine if you cover it with cardboard or something to keep the light out. Any color bottle will let the contaminating light in eventually, though brown takes longer. If your beer tastes like it was brewed through a skunk, it’s not the bottle, it’s the way it was stored.
Unless it really is Martian beer.
signed, former HomeBrewster
Frank,
You married a wise woman.
You are right about not having a mouse problem, but you forget that that is because you have cats. If you got rid of the cats, you would have a mouse problem.
Worse yet, I’m sure they would be ninja mice, doing nothing but ninja stuff, breeding and voting for Obama. (Same for their offspring).
Bottom line: Sarah smart. Cats good.
okay your site has me laughing every day, but I draw the line at the cats comment. Cats are freaking cool. Any animal can hunt down and kill other pesty animals in your house and then curl up and purr on your lap while you read is tops in my book.
#18, #22,
“If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.”
1Cor 13:3
(Eph 6:17)
Amen #44.
Why can’t we keep the cats and get rid of all the Liberals?