Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
John Kerry’s first official act as Secretary of State…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
John Kerry’s first official act as Secretary of State…
Occurred when he met with the VietCong in Paris in 1971… ’bout time he got the credit.
…is to eat his Froot Loops.
…was to switch over to Hunt’s Ketchup.
…will be to assure America’s supply of Botox will not be imperiled by foreign influence.
…was to call the Russians and be permanently ignored.
…surrender to the French.
…build a giant wooden badger.
Flexibility…meaning we’ll remain so while we wait for you to get around to calling us back. If it’s possible, it appears the Russians think less of Obama than we do.
…will be to throw the Constitution over a fence.
…have Hillary’s blue pantsuits taken in… so he can wear them…
…is to bulk up so he can caddy for Obama.
…was to review Hillary’s “I ain’t no ways tired” speech for important policy content.
…. will be to re-re-re-issue his combat medals and to make an official announcement: He Served in Vietnam!
…is to deny that he’d ever heard of Benghazi.
…blame Hillary Clinton.
… Was to have that ‘old woman’ smell scrubbed out of his office
…is to find out why other countries won’t return his phone calls.
…eliminate the pantsuit slush fund
. . . went for a swift-boat cruise on the Potomac.
…put all the water boards on display in the lobby, laid down on one and went to sleep.
…was tofile an incident report for a paper cut.
oops! “to file”
…give Bill Clinton a tour of the office – since he hasn’t been there in at least 4 years.
…remove all the Georgia O’Keefe prints.
…call the Iranians and North Koreans and make sure they’re ok and have everything they need.
…find out more about ths “Israel” everybody keeps talking about.
…train himself to stop crying every time a foreign leader looks him in the eye.
…finally go retrieve those medals from the White House lawn without causing a security alert.
…take a vacation
…practice his “Alahu Ackbar”
…was to rail against the enemies of the United States in ways reminiscent of Ghengis Khan!
…was to practice his “a$$-kissing” face in front of the mirror.
…was to change the State Department motto to “What difference does it make?”
…was to have the office fumigated to, in his words, “Remove that Hillary stench!”
… was to confirm the attendance list for the Lillith Fair
…was to have his DHS-paid staff scour the Internet for the words “Lurch” and “Kerry” on the same website and launch SQL injection attacks against them.
… was to send Warren Buffet a thank you bouquet.
… was to have his windsurfing board waxed
…What does it matter!?!?!
…Practiced screaching “what does it matter!?!?!”
…did the “usual drill”
…was to schedule himself for some leg bone reduction surgery.
…was to name Nantucket an independent and sovereign nation.
@ 30 ColoradoRight (February 18th, 2013 at 12:42 pm )
Heh. Meanwhile….
..was to order that the diplomatic post in Benghazi be closed.
…was to sit on the boss’ lap and “take dictation”.
…was to rename his title to Secretary of All 57 States. (He liked the implied Heinz reference)
…was to issue a memo declaring that his position in the “line of succession” to the Presidency will be strictly enforced. He then issued a second memo instructing his staff to track the position of the President, the Vice President and the President pro tempore of the Senate at all times.
Then he slammed his office door and got sad.
put on one of hillary’s pantsuits.
This one is easy…..
John Kerry’s first official act as Secretary of State will be to grant Hillary a full pardon.
…is to reopen the Benghazi consulate and staff it with members of the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth group.
Now, therefore, I,
Gerald R. FordJohn Kerry, President…I mean I should have been but now I’m Secretary of something of the United States, pursuant to the pardon power conferred upon me byArticle II, Section 2, of the ConstitutionBarack Obama, have granted and by these presents do grant a full, free, and absolute pardon untoRichard NixonHillary Clinton for all offenses against the United States which he,Richard NixonHillary Clinton, has committed or may have committed or taken part in during the period from July (January) 20, 1969 through August 9, 2047.…admit that his manicurist was not really Cambodian.
. . . was to put on the really sweet sperm cell outfit that he used during his presidential campaign.
…was to take his phone off the hook. Those 3AM calls really interfere with his beauty sleep (and he REALY needs his beauty sleep).
…was to get fitted for his taylored fire-proof pantsuit. Don’t forget the extra padding in the crotch.
…get lessons from Bowzer from Sha Na Na so he knows how to bow bow bow…
…Change his Facebook relationship status to “It’s Complicated,” because maybe Christy Walton (widow of John Walton of Walmart, worth $25.3 billion) will return his calls now that he’s Secretary of State.
. . . was to put on the really sweet sperm cell outfit that he used during his presidential campaign.
John-Kerry and the penis straw
What do you expect from a dick like him?
… was to call Hagel and say “Man, these confirmation hearings are a breeze, huh, Chuck?”
… was to assure everyone that his appointment “will not give the term SOS new meaning.”
… was to try to get hold of the keys to that second Oval Office.
…find out if worlds perception of America is one of a Beavis or a Butthead.
…was to put on his pantsuit one leg at a time without any help, on just his fourth try.
…saluted the nearest American flag, then applied for a Purple Heart for smoke inhalation.
…formally requested the position title be changed to “Administrative Professional of State” and sent out his wish list of gifts so people would have enough time to shop for Administrative Professional Day.
…was to brag that he would never get his panties in a wad, showing off his new suspenders and the latest from Fredericks of Hollywood.
… was to announce that he was replacing checkbook diplomacy with “Cash & Kerry.”
… was to see if he could have the Ship of State docked in Newport, Rhode Island.
…was announcing that, like Hillary, he won’t be performing any “official acts” that could be assigned blame.
… was to announce the State Dept.’s new motto, “Keep Commie and Kerry On.”
… was to call the IRS. With a membership list of the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth. But don’t worry about it.
…order a bunch of re-reset buttons.
… was to deny that he has a face like a horse, and to punish those who called him Secretariat of State.
…was to remove the peanut butter from his gums and leave the podium.
…was to finally have a State Funeral for the real star of Animal House and initiate equine rights abuse by UN.
…: reporting for doody.
Go on vacation, excuse me, good will tour of every country in Europe
. . . was to sign a full formal Alliance with Vietnam, ecause they had been his loyal friends and largest Campaign contributors for so many years.
…was to get the door slammed in his face by the Russians.
…was to sear the details of Benghazi in his memory.
…to look for his dictation machine and find out how Barack likes his coffee. Because dammit, he’s going to be a better secretary than Hillary ever was!
…call Hillary to see which state he is secretary of, and find out where the other 49 hang out
…Weep openly while muttering ” thank God I finally have a job where Theresa can’t follow me around nitpicking and make fun of me”
…said “wait….what? I thought this was for the presidency???”
…swore that the establishment of a trade pact with Moldova would be his legacy, his Sistine Chapel
…was to fill out his tax witholding forms, no doubt.
…is to wind board across the Atlantic to shake some prime ministers hand.
Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!