Watch Out, Buffalo!

The ban on guns in national parks was lifted this week, so know what that means? Yeah, I’m heading to Yellowstone and am going to shoot wildlife in the face. I’ll be like, “Don’t look at me like that, moose!” BANG! BANG! “Who do you think you are, squirrel?” BANG! BANG! And if anyone objects, I’ll shoot them too. And there’s nothing anyone can do about it because it’s all completely legal!

I can’t be the only one who, any time he has a gun, just can’t resist the urge to go on a killing spree. That’s what they have to spend the most time teaching cops: Don’t start randomly killing people and animals just because you have a gun. If you get angry, just shoot a mailbox instead. Of course, I live in a right-to-carry state, so we’re all pretty used to everyone just pulling out guns and shooting each other.

Wait, is there anyone left for me to mock with this? We’ve pretty much won the gun issue, haven’t we? I mean, this bill was actually signed by President Obama.

Go freedom!

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15 Comments

  1. When I press the “Submit Comment” button, I pretend it’s the “BANG! BANG! BANG! YOU DIE NOW! BANG! BANG!” button.

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  2. You are assuming that the buffalo (and bears dont forget bears) will not also be packing heat.

    I suppose they are not as well informed as they get their news from old newspapers left in picnic baskets.

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  3. hwuu says:
    February 23rd, 2010 at 3:30 pm
    You are assuming that the buffalo (and bears dont forget bears) will not also be packing heat.

    The 2nd Amendment is, of course, all about the Right to Arm Bears!

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  4. Alright, maybe the second amendment says you can bear arms…maybe! But where does it say you have the right to own or possess ammunition for that gun, well, where, where!? So I figure you won’t have a leg to stand on when it comes to shutting down all the ammo factories in the country and outlawing re-loading…Eric (my hero is Janet Reno) Holder, Attorney General, Washington DC.

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  5. Of course signing the bill, Zero had counted on his plant to go shoot up some wildlife so we could ban guns forever; however the plant went and flew into a building on the way to the park so…
    This could turn out to be a pretty cool thing.

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  6. I know whenever I have a handgun with me, like always (the 1911 in my moniker ain’t ior the date) I start shooting anyting i can see. Street signs, wild animals, humans, non-humans, dixie cups, trees, whatever. Go figure.
    Why is it liberals are terrified of, and sterotype, gunowners? Must be all that self reliance and reluctance to bow down to them.
    And #3 Mr Right, you owe me a new keyboard.

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  7. “We’ve pretty much won the gun issue, haven’t we?”

    Sadly, as long as there are liberal panty-wetters, but I repeat myself, we must remain eternally vigilant when it comes to any of our rights.

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  8. A federal law lifted a 94-year-old ban on carrying loaded guns in national parks and wildlife refuges. Finally, Alaskan polar bears can defend themselves against Al Gore…

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  9. Psyence has determined that the reason for the killing spree is the evil voices emanating from the hellspawn guuuunsss.

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  10. Seams like the only people who can’t resist going on killing sprees just because they have a gun are liberal college professors. They just want the rest of us to suffer because of their weaknesses.

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