He didn’t necessarily say these out loud, but since most people are convinced I’m just a crazy voice in Frank’s head (I blame Jimmy Stewart for this), you shouldn’t be surprised if I just read his thoughts:
1) “It’s ‘Game of Thrones,’ not ‘Game of Throne.’ Where are the rest of my thrones? You give more thrones now!”
2) “Can you believe ‘it’s my birthday’ isn’t considered a valid excuse to get out of jury duty? It’s like living in North Korea!”
3) “Buttercup got me nothing because her credit card was maxed out. Note to self: block Zappos.com.”
4) “Weird… I got this card with a picture of a blended puppy on the front and ‘Hmmmm… Heh… Indeed…’ on the inside. Not sure if it’s from Glenn Reynolds or Obama.
5) “The ultimate effect of Scott Walker’s recall election victory was to distract people from Frank J. Birthday Week. Damn you Scott Walker!” *shakes fist*
6) “Dear Mr. Barrett – although I appreciate your gift of a video of a liberal getting slapped, this is NOT an acceptable substitute for a video of a hippy getting punched. Please rile up your base more next time.”
7) “The party went pretty well, except that all night long I kept accidentally calling the birthday clown ‘Mr. Biden’.”
8) “Next birthday week I’m celebrating in Texas. The Chuck E. Cheese’s down there have live-fire ranges.”
9) “This is just depressing. Sure I’m a published author, but I’d always thought that by age 33 I would’ve killed a lot more commies with my bare hands.”
10) “Good news, everyone! In honor of Frank J. Birthday Week, Butch agreed to change the name Frankaho!”
Oddly, no comments about SarahK putting on the Marilyn Monroe wig and singing “Happy Birthday” to him, so we’ll just assume that part didn’t disappoint.