I think that I have successfully cut everyone out of my life who likes raisins in their cinnamon roll.
— Fun_Beard (@Fun_Beard) March 13, 2013
Sadly, most alcoholic drinks refuse to admit they have a problem.
— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) March 13, 2013
The new pope named himself after St Francis of Assisi, because he too had mastered Angry Birds.
— Konstantine Simakis (@MensHumidor) March 13, 2013
Has Obama congratulated the new Pope yet with a picture of himself?
— S.M (@redsteeze) March 13, 2013
THIS JUST IN: Black smoke was seen coming out of the White House chimney today…still no budget!!!
— Sheriff Jim Wilson (@sheriffjim) March 13, 2013