Why I Support the Mutant Registration Act

Posted on May 27, 2014 11:00 am

I know everyone is going to call me a bigot and say I’m on the wrong side of history, but it still needs to be said: the Mutant Registration Act just makes sense.

I know the left are always going on about how mutants are being discriminated against and questioning them at all makes us basically evil racists, but the left’s position on this issue makes absolutely no sense. Right now, if a kid in school so much as draws a picture of a gun, the cops get called. But if there is a kid in class with mutant exploding powers who could easily kill everyone in the classroom — either maliciously or accidentally — then we’re all Nazis for saying, “Hey, maybe we should reevaluate whether that kid should be in the same class as everyone else.” Not only that, we’re bigots for wanting to even know about that kid. How does this make any sense? I guess dead school children is better than “discrimination.”

And it’s not like these mutant powers are the same as someone walking around with a concealed gun like millions of Americans do and not necessarily harming anyone; no, they’re actively using them. Many of the mutants are in this paramilitary organization — the X-Men — and flying around in military-grade hardware to “fight evil.” Some of us think that maybe — just maybe — the government should watch these people. And of course we get called racists for this basic common sense.

And it really seems like we’re not being told the truth about these mutants. When we ask how they got these fantastical powers, we’re basically told they were just born with them and to shut up. I mean, what is the official explanation of mutants? Evolution. Really? I guess it makes a little sense for that one mutant from Canada to have to evolve self-healing powers in response to socialized medicine, but how does evolution explain being able to shoot lasers out your eyes or to be able to control the weather? Do they think we haven’t had high school biology and don’t know how natural selection works? You don’t just suddenly go in one generation from normal human to blue guy who can teleport himself. Demon possession is closer to being a scientific explanation of their powers than evolution is.

So that’s why I support the Mutant Registration Act. It just makes sense, and we can’t trust these mutants with their obvious lies about how they got their powers. And if we don’t have the Mutant Registration Act, let’s at least make things more fair; the left supports fairness, don’t they? So now, every American should be able to own machine guns and bazookas without having to register them (and if anyone asks where we got them, they’ll just have to accept the explanation of “evolution”). Now normal Americans will be more on par with the mutants. And if you see a bunch of guys with weaponry get in a helicopter and fly off somewhere, just assume they’re going to battle evil and don’t question them.

Actually, I just talked myself into that. Forget the Mutant Registration Act. Let’s go with the everyone gets machine guns and bazookas and the government doesn’t question us idea. That sounds awesome.

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (13 votes, average: 4.92 out of 5)

11 Responses to “Why I Support the Mutant Registration Act”

  1. AwesometificAmerican says:

    Back in 1987 Marvel took up valuable add space in their comics to run an ‘ad’ to support the Mutant Registration Act. Yes comics used to sell advertising in them just like magazines. That is why they could charge 60 cents a book and sell them on newstands. They have a copy of it on wiki http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Registration_acts_(comics)
    It kinda added to the feel of the stories to see one of these adds in the books. So bascially I am for regristrations of mutant-americans unless they are willing to wave all the pointless documenation and background checks for me to obtain power armor that only a 1% like Tony Stark seems to be allowed to own.

  2. Steve H says:

    Some would say Stan Lee (if that’s his real name) is personally responsible for many of these mutants getting powers in the first place. He appears in every Marvel-adapted movie. Coincidence? I think not! Just what would you can THAT mutant power?

  3. Burt says:

    Have I been naively buying into the MSM’s propaganda? I thought mutants were no problem until they reached their teen years.

  4. Richardson says:

    Yes, but what about their older siblings and cousins?

  5. FredKey says:

    Registration is only the first part. Then the government will limit the amount of powers they can use. Finally, the government will take their powers away. And what do we do then when Krakoa the Living Island forces his way into the Raritan and demands to be named the 6th borough or he’ll kill everyone, huh?

  6. Proof says:

    Some of my best friends are mutants, but I wouldn’t want my sister to marry one!

  7. Professor Hale says:

    And don’t forget about that mutant who can make you forget.

  8. zzyzx says:

    Some mutants are more powerful and have greater powers then others. So, the only fair solution is to tax the mutant community based on the powers each individual possesses. The greater the powers the higher the taxes…it’s just that simple.

  9. 4of7 says:

    I was born with a extra knuckle in my right pinky finger – where do I sign up?

  10. TiminAL says:

    You just got a nice plug for this over at Aces place. Bravo!

  11. Stephen J. says:

    Hey, just add the “Declaration of Mutant Abilities” and “Public Alias” field to the tax return forms and let the IRS sort it out.

Leave a Reply

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>