Frank Answers: Resistors, Midnight Basketball, and Polymers

Dave from Gyrumi, Armenia asks:
Frank, why in a circuit are the resistors numbered the way they are? Is it arbitrary?
Most would say that the numbers on surface mount resistors reflect their resistance, and, a quick check with a multi-meter would seem to confirm this, but the real answer is much more ominous. They really are tags that allow the Zionists conspirators to track and control all electronic devices. Yes, that’s right, the Jews control the computer you are using even as we speak. The only defense against this is to install the resistors in backwards.
Jim R. from Werder, Ethiopia asks:
Would “midnight basketball” work for the Iraqi looters and/or the Palestinian bombers?
Midnight basketball has been proven an effective way to reduce crime. In a recent study, serial killers who played midnight basketball, though not less likely to kill, were less serial in their killing. Basketball would probably be a great alternative to looting in Iraq. It also may work for the Palestinian bombers as they will be too tired to get up early and bomb the next morning, and might not get to the mall until it’s already closed. I still say mass execution is the best solution for that problem, though. After that, I’d try midnight basketball.
Serenity from Latvia asks:
How are polymers made?
To understand polymers, you have to understand the origin of the word. “Poly” means many, and “Mer” is what one of the three wise guys gave to baby Jesus. I don’t know if it was enough mer to be qualified as polymer, but everyone’s attention was probably on the gold anyway.
Since the time of Jesus, polymers have become an essential part of human life and surround us every day. Why, even right now a polymer waits behind you, its icy hand slowly reaching for your throat.
Ha! Made you look! Seriously, though, the best way I have found to make polymers is through thinly veiled threats. “There better be a polymer on my desk by the end of the hour or there is going to be some poly-punching!”
I hope that helps.


Please keep the questions coming, <a href=”mailto:THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace you’re from, I’ll randomly select one.

No Comments

  1. Frank J.,
    Don’t know if you saw this, but I saw that David Letterman read this:

    8. Gives monosyllabic answers to press questions, then goes back to his Gameboy

    as one of the top ten reasons one would know that Ari Fleischer just stopped caring.

  2. Your archives are what get me in trouble while at work.
    I’m running out of answers when my boss asks me, “What’s so funny?”
    Since I just found you about 2 months ago, I have a ways to go. If I get fired Frank, you will need to pay my rent as it’s your fault.

  3. Geez Frank, the polymer answer was hilarious!
    Re: The Letterman Top Ten, I thought these were In My Worldish also, although not blatant like the Gameboy one.
    10. Will only take questions from “Kung Fu” magazine
    4. Discloses Cheney’s location — a K.F.C. in Baltimore

  4. well umm if sum1 typs in the origin of the word basketball like me… then maybe u sould think about only basketball.. n not other things like resistore or polymers…… but other than that… u give really good information.. keep up the good work lol

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