Poosh from Nanjing, China writes:
Why does it cost so much money to fight wars these days? The recent Iraq war cost billions and we were not up against much of a foe. I mean I heard a tank costs like a million dollars and I can’t afford that.
I know what you mean. I keep getting really angry at some countries, but, when I estimate the cost of doing war with them myself, it’s way out of my price range. That’s why it’s usually a function of the federal government to kill bad foreigners. Problem is, a lot of our tax money goes for other things than paying for weaponry. Like they take money out of my check each week for social security even though I don’t want social security since I have a 401k. I even went to the IRS guy and demanded that money back because I don’t like paying taxes that don’t lead to the death of bad people. But the IRS guy said I had to pay it, and then some guys came out with machine guns to emphasize that point. And they were really scary, so I ran away.
Anyway, maybe war is too expensive for an individual, but maybe if a bunch of us Americans get together we can pool our money to buy lots of weaponry and then go country to country killing dictators. It’s our America duty to solve all the world’s problems, and we can’t always wait for the government to do it. We’ll just get a deal with the U.S. government to overlook all our activities; they’ll just deny all knowledge of any involvement with us. We’d be like the A-Team, running around the world with guns helping people, but, unlike the A-Team, we would actually hit whom we’re shooting at.
If anyone is interested in joining, write so in the comments. You don’t have to be an America to be a part of it; as long as you share our love of killing bad people, that’s American enough.
Susie from God writes:
In one of your Frank Answers you said: “but now sign your e-mail with what name you want me to use, and also include where you are from”. Is the latter instruction a philosophical or geographical question? My parents told me I came from God; this e-mail is coming from Indiana.
If you have a philo-mo-spohical answer, fine, but I prefer a geographic location. I don’t want to start getting a bunch of crazy-ass answers from some po-mo’s.
Stephen from Hope, Arkansas asks:
What are your feelings on human evolution? How about evolution in general?
I like the theory of evolution, because it’s the best scientific explanation of how people came about. I admit though, it’s hard to conceive all the random mutations that must have happened to go from an amoeba to Frank J., the most perfect of God’s creatures. I don’t like the idea that God just one day went POOF! and people appeared without any back story, because that just seems sloppy – kinda like something I would do if I were God.
As for human evolution, I don’t think that happens physically anymore because we now live in a world where any idiot can survive and reproduce. Instead, we evolve technologically. Sure, it would be cool one day if humanity evolved the powers to shoot lasers out their eyes, but at least every few years we get new video game system with even higher polygon counts. Frankly, that’s enough evolution for me.
Now, that main problem with the theory of evolution is that it take millions of years to have noticeable effects, thus it is hard to empirically prove it. I say one thing we can try is subjecting monkey after monkey to high doses of radiation to try and mutate them. If one suddenly becomes a person, evolution is proven. If all the monkeys just die, results will be inconclusive, but at least all monkeys will be dead.
I hate monkeys.
Please keep the questions coming, <a href=”mailto:THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace you’re from, I’ll randomly select one.
Poor little monkeys !!!!!!!
We must save the baby monkeys !!!!!!
What’s a Po-mo Frank ?
you’ve got to stop this!! I’m getting in trouble at work for randomly laughing out loud! And seeing that I’m now addicted to this site the responsibility falls on you! …er… But seeing that your blog sometimes is the only joy I have at work, forget everything I said. Keep it up Frank J.:)
Amphi,
A po-mo is a post modernist; someone who doesn’t believe in truths and thus would have trouble giving a straight answer to anything.
I’d love to be an American and A-Team sounds good.
Do you have any plan, I love hunting the gugu !
Hey Frank, I would like to join the terrorist-smashing team you are setting up, I’m eager to finally be able to put my eyelasers to good use, instead of just using them to frighten my pets. And I would like to make a suggestion-you’re going to need a space station for the team, so y’all should get started building one now so it’ll be ready in time for the final showdown with the French.
Hey Frank…you should have said something funny about Blair and the N.Y. Times fiasco. Andrew Sullivan and GLEN REYNOLDS drew honorable mentions on one of the weekend Fox News shows for their input/output…..
I’d be in with you on killing bad foreiners. SO would my badass 6 and a half 350 lb. friend. If you don’t believe me, Joey D could back me up on that.
Sign me up Frank!!! I want to be on your F-Team! I’m lots better with rifles than pistols or fists though… need a sniper?
I’ll do the A-Team thing, but only if I get to be H.M. Murdoch. As cool as it would be to be Hannibal, I figured Frank already had dibbs on that one. And for GOD SAKES, PLEASE tell me that we’ll be able to hit what we’re shooting at instead of seeing how many worms we can kill. You know, for being Spec Ops guys the A-Team couldn’t hit shit.
I want to do the A-Team or F-Team or Z-Team thing. As long as I get to kill lots of foreigners and dictators I don’t care what part I play. I will not play, however, without free ammuntion – like Buck, I like to toss lots of grenades and see what blows up!
Sign me up for the A-Team. I could be Murdock, liberating golfballs but also actually shoot the bad guys.
– dr.dna, Originally from my mother.
All right! count me in for killing bad foriegners! We could start with Quebec! You know, for practice! (They’d probably put up more than a fight than the REAL french at least. They’ve been at least a LITTLE americanized)
Now, I haven’t been to the range as much as I should, but I sure would love some work in explsoives and demolitions! Now where did I leave that recipe for Tri Nitro Toluene…. ?
Frank! Count me in on that foreigner killin!
The big question I have has to do with your stance on evolution. How do you feel about coming from monkeys?
I’d be awful careful about calling Frank’s momma a monkey, Shalegrey. He might tell Buck your a foriegner! :>
i want to join the f-team
i pitty the fool whos a terroristr
I’ll join any death-squad which focuses on that piss-ant nation of Malaysia. I just want to blow Mahartiah’s smug head off of his slimey body. Recalcitrant bastard…
Sure, I’m in on the whole A-team thing. I’m a big guy, I pity fools a lot, I could probably wear a lot of jewelry. The similarities pretty much die out there though…
Poosh, how many times do I have to tell you you are not really from China?
As handsome as I am, I MUST be The Face Man, charming the dick-taters’ women into stting them up for the kill. Ah, the perks of righteous gene pool decontamination!
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