Bush is in Egypt today to talk peace between the Israelis and the Palestinians. Me, I’m not as patient as the Israelis and would have long ago gotten together a bunch of “Corrie Crushers” and flattened all the Palestinian buildings, but I guess the Israelis want to be nicer and so be it. I just hope Bush takes a hard-line, standing up at the beginning and saying, “See my roadmap? Notice how all the roads lead to saturation bombing if you f**k with me.”
Anyway, there have been a number of hold-ups to peace talks. Here are the worst of them:
TOP TEN HOLD-UPS TO MIDDLE EAST PEACE TALKS
10. Bush mistook the traditional Muslim garb as people wearing sheets, and came dressed for a toga party.
9. It’s hard for the Palestinians to give up Jew-hating, as it’s their favorite pastime and spectator sport, followed far far behind by touch football.
8. The Palestinians will only recognize Israel’s right to exist if Israel recognizes their right to kill Jews.
7. Bush kept interrupting Sharon while he was speaking, asking, “I don’t get it; why don’t you just bomb them all?”
6. The Muslim kept to their usual tradition of five times a day facing Israel, shaking their fists, and yelling, “The Jews!!”
5. Arafat wasn’t supposed to attend, but all the baby wipes were mysteriously missing.
4. Because of their clothing, Bush mistook a number of Muslim wives in attendance for ninjas and kung fu fought them. He lost.
3. Palestinians kept demanding that they could still do one annual suicide bombing so they could remember the good times.
2. Bush kept insisting everyone try his pork-ribs he ordered for dinner.
And the number one hold-up to Middle East peace talks…
The meetings were cut short when the building was destroyed by Israeli bulldozers.
You know, the Israelis have had trouble ever since the U.S. and Britain told them they could have that land. (They claim God gave it to them, but that’s just brown-nosing.)
The key to the Israelis forging a lasting peace with the Palestinians is for our little country and our allies to say, “If God wants you to have this, He’ll protect you from the Muslims. It would be wrong of us to interfere. We’ll wait over here till the dust settles.” If we say it loud enough that the Arab nations can hear…
I know that if the U.S. and Britain gave my native Iowa to the Israelis, I would be the first to strap bombs to my neighbors and send them on their way. (Note that I would look pretty cool with gingham check wrapped around my head.)
Dude, just remember how funny you thought that post was when the s@*tstorm descends on you. That’s how hard I’ll be laughing then.
Most Excellent Frank
You should sell that to Letterman
LibertyBob, you write that “…if the U.S. and Britain gave my native Iowa to the Israelis, I would be the first to strap bombs…”. Your post implies that the people collectively known as the Palestinians have a valid claim on the land. As I understand the situation, the Jewish people were there first. There is – and historically never was – a Palestine. It is a puppet “state” created by the Arab nations in the 1960s/70s (date?) to destabilize the nation of Israel. Indeed, let’s call it like it is. They do not wish to destabilize Israel. They wish to destroy her.
I am a supporter of President Bush and his policies. That said, I hope that our forcing Israel to the negotiation table is the right thing to do. The truly just thing, I think, would be the acknowledgement of the truth behind the issues, and the public support of Israel. This is not a pragmatic approach, however, in that it would push the Arab states in the exact opposite direction. This we do not want as it would complicate our continuing war on terrorism.
#11 – Bush refuses to discuss the old testament with Sharon until he reads the sequel.
Love the site…
Most Arab Nations sponsor and populate palestine with disaffected Muslims in an effort to undermine Israel’s power. One has only to look at the facts to see exactly how compassionate the Israeli’s have been over the past years to understand this…
First off, in the “seven days war” Israel more than doubled her size, and then, mysteriously, gave it all back. They didn’t have to, and I highly doubt even Allah himself would have been able to remove them. In effect, Israel, after crushing numerous Arab nation/states opted to be “nice” and stop taking land, and to restore the boundaries to their original setting.
Second, for Mr. Liberty up there, Israel, Jerusalem, and the surrounding area are hotly contested by ALL THREE major religions. (Christianity, Judaism, and Islam). However, unlike Mecca, and Medina, the leaders of Israel allow all people to come visit the holy sites, regardless of their ethos. In fact, they welcome them, so long as they’re not strapping bombs to their chest, or smuggling in the really good throwing rocks. So, in that respect, The country/government of Israel seems to be even better able to govern a holy land than the Muslims are.
The Palestinians had several cards to play which would have given them the upper hand in this wholly pitiful excuse for an uprising that they had. The first was to accept that things were the way they were. The second was to look for a more formal acceptance of Palestine as an actual state by the world body. The third was to play the victim to Israels “agression”.
The international media just loves to cry over people it considers “victims” to agression. They cling to it like a three year old clings to a cuddly puppy…
Palestine did none of these. They continued their attacks with not-so-smart bombs, and their Uber weapon, the ROCK.
I’m certainly no expert in psychology, but I have to say, if one of those dumb bastards ever started lobbing rocks at me with my body armor on, I’d probably put the rifle down, make sure CNN was around, and then commence to bending the palestinian over and giving him a red assed spanking like the child he was.
Now, the peace process doesn’t have to be neat, clean, or even fair. Palestine and Israel will live in peace, or… Israel will live in peace, and Palestine will cease to exist. This whole summit, and cease fire is essentially just a test for the Palestinians to see if they can act in a way that sponsors acceptance as being even remotely human. If not, Israel gets bigger, and a whole lot of people get a new flag.
Ski
Well, of course Bush lost to the Muslim women. They were clearly ninjas, for as we all know:
1. Ninjas are mammals.
2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.
3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.
Given the current psychosis surrounding the Arab world, I think it’s safe to say that a great many Muslims are indeed ninjas. Heck, the traditional garb of Muslim women even resembles the famed ninja robe. So be careful, people.
You know, the Israelis have had trouble ever since the U.S. and Britain told them they could have that land.
Interesting. All of the history that I’ve read (admittedly I try to avoid historical researchers whose hats have a substantial tinfoil component) fails to mention the United States having anything to do with the partition of Palestine. The Balfour Declaration was issued by His Majesty’s government – not a bit of Yankee involvement to be seen. Palestine (so designated by the British after the defeat of the Ottoman Empire in the Great War) was never a nation-state in any sense, nor were the ‘Palestinians’ a tribe/clan/nationality separate from any of the other Arabs in the general vicinity.
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. – Mark Twain
Though it’s true that there was not a Palestinian state, it was also true that there were no United States either till a bunch of armed huligans threw off the British. Then suddenly there were thirteen of them. We tend to think of those men and women as revolutionary heros these days.
Even though there was no recognized Palestinian state, that doesn’t mean there weren’t people already living on that land. I’m sure that if your home was colonized by the British and then handed over to someone whose belief and political system contravened yours, you would probably be a little miffed too.
Outstanding, Frank!
You are, dare I say it, divinely inspired.
Oh and LibertyBob, I expect that you will be packing soon to return to whatever squalid European tenement your ancestors escaped from.
After all, the very word Iowa is the name of the native people who inhabited it before your ancestors came along.
LibertyBob, you leave out one critical difference. The soldiers of the American Revolution did not sneak into British homes and murder British babies, nor did they climb on British carriages (as opposed to buses) and blow themselves and others into bits. They fought against an army many times their size. In fact, the tactics they used were sometimes considered dishonorable because they wouldn’t always stand in nice straight lines for the redcoats to mow them down.
Oops, I meant to add that I don’t think that changing tactics in the face of superior forces is dishonorable, just smart. However killing civilians is not honorable in any way. If you disagree, well, we don’t have much to talk about.
“Corrie Crushers”.
LMFAO!
Let me second Serenity’s LMFAO…”Corrie Crushers”, HAH!
I believe “Corrie Crushers” deserves a “TM”
“6. The Muslim kept to their usual tradition of five times a day facing Israel, shaking their fists, and yelling, “The Jews!!”
That’s priceless, Frank. I’m saving this entire list to my small but growing list of super quotes.
Glad people liked the “Corrie Crushers.” The other name idea was “Rachel Runner-Overers”, but I didn’t think that flowed off the tongue as easily.
About the different conflics between (some of) the Arab countries and Israel, I recommand you to visit this site on the history of the Hashemite family. The site does explains how the Jordan family do buy the territories of Jerusalem for it to be an Arab nation. Jordan is linked to the prophet Mohammed through his daughter (compared to Iraq where Ali -ShÔtes- is the son in law of the Prophet and one of his four followers). Jordan do use Palestine to rule over the Arab nations as the main authority on the religion, but the perversion comes in the link there is between the family power over the Jordan nation and the religious power over the Arab nations.
Compared to Jordan, the royal family of Saudi Arabia does not rule over the religion of the Mecque. It is only the gardian of the holly soil. That means that also there are very hight tensions between the US and the Saudi Arabia, Saudi is more likely to become a real ally to the US than Jordan. This is also why bin Laden do war against US, because he shares a common wish of power with Jordan to which Palestine is the (“secret”) link (historically and politically spoken following the Jordan familly link).
Jerusalem is seen as a Jew colony within the Arabs which do raize the feeling among the Arab nations that Americans (Jews) want to conquest the Middle East. But this is maily a lack of education which partly fed with false propaganda from the most pro-American countries (Egypt and Jordan).
The road-map of Bush, then, can only success with a lot of authority, of diplomacy, and of partnership with the “pro-American” nations on the education they spread in the head of the Middle-East people. Never forget the reaction of Jordan after the falling of Baghdad, because it does reveal how much Jordan do love America.
Regards,
I think that LibertyBob is a wise man. Here’s why…
“You know, the Israelis have had trouble ever since the U.S. and Britain told them they could have that land.”
Since not a month has gone by since 1948 without Arabs killing Israeli civilians by either shelling, sniping, or conducting bombings (suicide or otherwise), I’d say that’s a REAL accurate statement…
(They claim God gave it to them, but that’s just brown-nosing.)
Yes, it’s easy to mistake Americans for gods…
“The key to the Israelis forging a lasting peace with the Palestinians is for our little country and our allies to say, “If God wants you to have this, He’ll protect you from the Muslims…”
Isn’t that why God created the Israeli Defence Forces?
“…It would be wrong of us to interfere. We’ll wait over here till the dust settles.” If we say it loud enough that the Arab nations can hear…”
Does anyone here really object to telling the Arabs that the next time they get out of line, we’re not going to stop the Israelis from doing a Buck on them? What would have happened if we (the U.S.) hadn’t stopped the victorious Israelis in 1956, 1967, and 1973?
“I know that if the U.S. and Britain gave my native Iowa to the Israelis, I would be the first to strap bombs to my neighbors and send them on their way.”
I think the rest of us would pick up a rifle instead, unless they promised to keep Tom Harkin…
“(Note that I would look pretty cool with gingham check wrapped around my head.)”
Another example of political correctness run amok…
Except for LiberyBob’s choice of headgear, what did he say wrong?
I’m not sure I agree with your assessment, Tom the Friendly Ghost. That said, one of the more awesome components of American idealogy and a free society is that I do not have to and we are free to debate the issues.
On the matter of God defending the Israelis from the Muslims, would not the reverse be true as well? If The Man wished for the Arabic people to drive the Israelis into the sea, would he not have done so?
Also, as to it being wrong for us to “interfere”. I maintain it is wrong for us not to, in that we have the moral right, and the might to enforce it.
Check out the link: http://www.newamericancentury.org
Rob
What the Palestinians say they want, is for Israel to give back all the land they captured in the 1967 war.
What the Palestinians (and the Egyptians, Jordanians, and Syrians) actually want, is to fight the 1967 war over again, only this time they want Israel to be prevented from striking first, so their armies can destroy the Israeli air force before it gets off the ground (instead of Israel destroying theirs), resulting in their victory and the annihalation of Israel.
I do have a serious question. When Anwar Sadat launched the Yom Kippur War, he knew, based on recent history, that if the Israelis started winning, the Soviet Union and the United States would step in and save him. In that case, the war was a win-win situation for him. If he won, it would be the first Arab victory over Israel, and he would be a hero. And if he started losing, the superpowers would step in, he would be a hero in the Arab world for trying to destroy Israel, and all he would lose is some of his cool new Soviet-supplied toys. So, would we have seen fewer wars if we had just told the Arabs that we would not step in and stop the Israelis once they started winning?
Maybe I’m being simplistic, but it looks like the only thing that ended the major Arab-Israeli wars was the development of the Israeli nuclear weapons program. At least, we haven’t seen one since 1973. Memories in that part of the world go way back, and I think everyone remembers Masada.
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