Good afternoon, and welcome to the final round of Super Lucky Happy Fun Permalink Contest Number One II – Win Frank J.’s Funny! I’m Susie, and I’ll be your hostess for today’s fun-filled event. Before we begin, let’s recap, shall we?
On February 12, Frank announced a new contest, with the following fabulous prize: two week, all-expense paid(sorry–wrong contest). Here it is:
A permalink at the top of the my main blogroll, plus a permalink within the randomized blogroll, plus a million dollars, plus a free week long ad on my Blog Ads ad space, plus an IMAO t-shirt, minus a million dollars.
The contest is fiendishly simple: five randomly chosen (except for First Loser Harvey, who got a bye on the number generator ride) candidates had an opportunity to go toe to toe with the King of Humor by writing a top ten list, and whoever’s the funniest, by reader vote, wins!!! In order to keep things fair, Emperor Misha devised the subject matter of the list, and all six contestants emailed their answers to a neutral party (that would be moi) for posting here at IMAO (hey, Price Waterhouse is expensive!).
It’s time to introduce our contestants!!!!! Maestro, if you please…
Our first contestant is Dustin the No-Longer-Blogless of the eponymous Dustin the No-Longer-Blogless blog. Dustin declined to tell us a little about himself, so personal information has been supplied for him–Dustin likes long walks on sandy beaches and lime jello shots. He says, “I was gonna do some trash talking here.. but I remain dedicated to the principles of procrastination, so I’m just not gonna.” A man has to have his principles, right?
Our next contestant is the versatile and suave Joey of Single White Male. Joey also is extremely reluctant to provide any salacious salient details (“Wouldn’t that qualify as revealing who wrote what, and be grounds for disqualification?”) so on his behalf, lets just say he likes long walks on sandy beaches and lime jello shots. As to the trash-talking: “I’m too nice of a guy to trash talk fellow conservatives. So all I have is the list.”
Third we have rasta, who neglected to provide his URL in his entry email and is making me work to find it…. rasta says
I sure hope to win. Frank has been my hero so to overcome your hero is well awesome. Ok well First I am going to give some info on the blog. You can call it all humor; you can call it a holy script from God. Not that I am saying that my blog is better then Jesus or anything. It’s like a gift in an odd shaped package, sounds like a bomb huh? Well all I am saying is even though it is satire it is still somewhat true and the other part is all bull. Anyway I hope to win and if I do it will be amazing that a 16 year old beat Frank.
So far, there’s been a disturbing lack of trash-talking here. Perhaps our next contestant can do better…
I honestly don’t know why you guys are bothering to challenge me. The only chance you have is tucked away in a cardboard box next to the Community Chest cards.
Yeah, I’m talkin’ to YOU Mr. I-M-A-Oh-my-god-I’m-going-to-lose-my-own-contest-and-have-to-de-link-myself,
What are YOU laughing at, Single White FAIL? It’s not like YOUR top ten list is going to get any votes except from your own mother.
And did I hear a snicker from Behind Enemy REDlines? Try a little 000000 on that eyesore blog of yours. There ARE other colors in the spectrum, you know.
Dustin the No Longer Blogless? I’m just guessing, but I suspect that you got the idea for your blog name after you asked your girlfriend “You love it this way, doncha baby?” and she answered, “No, longer”. Oh, wait– nevermind. Inflatable women can’t talk.
Kabasue’s Little Blog? Grey on black? Did your 16 year-old goth girlfriend pick your color scheme? And if you need to borrow my enter key so you can put some line breaks in your posts, send me an e-mail. Trying to read your blog is like trying to read a puddle of alphabet soup.
Bad Money? More like Sad Unfunny. How do you figure there’s entertainment value in posting pictures of money that a crack-addled orangutan scribbled on? Why don’t you try captioning used toilet paper, too? That’s probably funny. And…
Oops. Got carried away for a second there.
Anyway, you might as well admit defeat now, ‘cuz ALL you losers are goin’ down like a Clinton intern!
About the author of this abuse:
Harvey is a 37-year-old disgruntled Wisconsin bank teller, who has been blogging for about 8 months. Other projects include: handing-out and rounding-up Alliance of Free Blog assignments, serving on the 6-judge panel of the King of the Blogs Tournament, and trying to get his Beloved Wife to make contented and/or satisfied sighing sounds as often as possible between blog entries. He was also “First Loser” in Frank J’s first “Super Happy Lucky Fun Permalink Contest” and will be forever grateful to Frank for giving him his first crack at blog stardom.
Whew! Now that’s more like it!
Contestant number five is also a minimalist who likes long walks on sandy beaches and lime jello shots. Monster Kabasue was more concerned with an possible email malfunction than my time and trouble having to look up his blog name and URL (Sigh…you owe me, Frank!). He also neglected the trash-talking….
Which brings us to our sixth contestant, our very own Frank J of IMAO. Frank says
“Description Self: Humor god who is exalted above all others.
Trash Talk: This is a waste of my time. The idea that someone can be funnier me is an insult to both God and man. You shall be punished for your hubris to stand against me, and the scars you get from your humiliation at my hands shall last until the day you die. Muh ha ha ha!”
We’ll be right back after this short commercial break (please click on the Netflix ad to your right and sign up so Frank gets money).
Welcome back to Super Lucky Happy Fun Permalink Contest Number One II – Win Frank J.’s Funny! Before I post the lists, a little about the process…All lists were jumbled together in my email program. As each list was removed it was randomly assigned a number. These numbers were entered at random.org where an even more random number was assigned. The entries, in random order, are:
Top Ten Ways the Loony Moonbat Left Will Make Themselves Look Even MORE Hopelessly Ridiculous in 2004
List 1
1.Well a sex scandal would be nice, but then again is that so bad?
2.Maybe something about racism, it never seems to get old
3.They put Quaker oats out of business and replace them with Liberal Oats, which
sounds good but its really not. (I was going to say that they provide you
with your daily tofu but they already do that.)
4.They start coming to your door like Jehovahs witnesses
5.Liberals come out with a new whistle that is just a recording of a liberal
whining. It somehow attracts ducks, and the platypus, and unfortunately young
business men by the name of Henry.
6.They Kill Archie Bunker for reasons only the ACLU can understand
7.They make a Jesse Jackson dictionary, or C.D. of Al Sharpton and Jesse singing “Free at last”.
8.In showing that they care, all the liberals get together with Michael Jackson
and record a song about the NRA called “Boys just wanna have guns”.
9.They decide to have a Jew run for president one day, o wait never mind.
10.They have David Lettermen do a Top 10 on them to try and get more people to
like them. (Hey. That’s what Howard Dean did and look what happened.).
List 2
“Top Ten Ways the Loony Moonbat Left Will Make Themselves Look Even MORE Hopelessly Ridiculous in 2004”
10 Kerry and Edwards will announce they will blow of the president elections to go to California to get married.
9 In response to Kerry and Edwards running off to San Francisco the Democratic Party will nominate Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf as a presidential candidate who could truly communicate with America.
8 Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf running mate will be Adolph Hitler he will be playing the “Any body but Bush” ticket, he also might play the race card too, see as cloned Germans are in fact a very small minority.
7 In the last days of the Election Democrats will refuse to vote/work/breath because the election is all ready fixed, and that Bush knows.
6 Democrats will declare if Bush wins they shall hold their breath till they get their way, and maybe fall on the ground and pound their fists.
5 Kerry and Edwards will both have– wardrobe malfunctions to entice the MTV crowd.
4 Dean will nominate Kerry because he is because Tony the Tiger said he is grrrrYEEEEAAAAHHHHHttt
3 Democrats will insist on giving every one in Mexico an honorary American Citizenship as part of their campaign promises
2 During the final days of nomination, Kerry and Edwards will appear in biker paints and sing the theme song from “Robin hood men in Tights”
1 During a press conference Kerry will rip off his face reviling that he is really Skeletor.
List 3
Top Ten Ways the Loony Moonbat Left Will Make Themselves Look Even MORE Hopelessly Ridiculous in 2004
10. Increase minimum wage. Increase taxes. Decrease net income.
9. Attack ourselves for having WMDs. Using the WMDs.
8. Rally in favor of gay marriage and interspecies marriage. For example, a
horse and a donkey. That’d be weird.
7. Hire dead clowns to advertise for them. Because, y’know, like the Loony
Moonbat Left, dead clowns are funny and sad.
6. Withdraw all candidates from the presidential race because it’s “fixed
anyway.”
5. Attempt to reanimate Jimmy Carter.
4. Withdraw all candidates from the presidential race because it’s “fixed
anyway.”
3. Boycott all foods that are made from once living things. Except Aborted
Fetus Burgers.
2. Legalize marijuana because the great founders of our country George
Washington and Thomas Jefferson grew hemp. Reinstate slavery for the same
reason.
And the number one way the left will make themselves look even more
hopelessly ridiculous in 2004
Claim the Israelites must be morons because they once listened to a bush.
List 4
TOP 10 LIST
December 31, 2004
[The TV screen fades in from black, as we tune in to Fox News Channel’s newest and highest-rated news magazine show, “Hard Right”, hosted by the always-delectable Melinda Hawkish, who, as usual, is clad in the thinnest of soaking-wet white cotton T-shirts]
Good Evening, I’m Melinda Hawkish. Tonight on Hard Right — “2004: The Year in Review”. A look back at the top ten ways the loony moonbat left has made themselves look even more hopelessly ridiculous.
But first, this bit of gratuitous breast-jiggling. Can we zoom in on my bodacious ta-ta’s, please? Thanks.
[jiggles breasts gratuitously]
Now to our stories:
Number 10: After Howard Dean lost the Wisconsin Democratic Primary and dropped out of the race, a small but vocal group of his followers refused to give up hope. Calling themselves the “YEARRRGGGGH! Party”, and known popularly as the “Scream-ites”, this gaggle of gruel-brained nugget-heads attempted to create a “Draft Dean” movement. Sadly — well, sadly for THEM, anyway — at the start of their first meeting, when they all simultaneously inhaled in preparation for their trademark insane howl, the resulting sudden decrease in air pressure caused the building to implode, killing all inside.
Number 9: Immediately after the Scream-ites were rubbled into jello, Michael Moore held a press conference. Jibbering maniacally, he claimed that President Bush had somehow orchestrated everything from Howard Dean’s original scream to the collapse of the building itself. However, during the press conference, an adorable little puppy knocked Moore down with a well-placed kick to the spleen and piddled up his nose. No one has taken him seriously since.
Number 8: Immediately after Moore’s utter humiliation, Congressional Democrats held press conferences, claiming that President Bush had somehow orchestrated the puppy attack. They, too, were spleen-kicked, piddled on, and ignored. This time by Congressional Republicans.
Number 7: As the furor around “Piddle-Gate” expanded, Hillary Clinton, frustrated at being ignored by the American news media, exposed her wrinkly, sagging, and piddle-stained right breast during a nationally televised news conference. The nation’s health care system nearly collapsed, as millions of people who had been watching Hillary’s news conference were afflicted with severe, acute hysterical blindness. Prune sales plummeted.
Number 6: Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle (D-Idiotaria) held a press conference, claiming that President Bush had known for years that Hillary Clinton had possessed Breatseses of Mass Destruction, and that Bush was a miserable failure for not having prevented this ghastly attack on innocent American citizens. President Bush responded by kicking Senator Daschle in the spleen and piddling up his nose. A grateful nation wept with joy.
Number 5: French President Jacques Chirac held a press conference, claiming that Americans had no right to unilaterally urinate on anyone, and must henceforth seek the approval of the international community prior to releasing any bodily fluids, or else risk facing a War Crimes tribunal. However, in a show of international support for American foreign policy, British Prime Minister Tony Blair and Australian Prime Minister John Howard arrived at the press conference simultaneously, and administered a flamboyant tag-team kick-and-piddle to, quote, “that two-faced, gutless, weasely Frog bastard.”, unquote.
Number 4: Democratic Presidental Candidate John Kerry, who is rumored to have served in Viet Nam, held a press conference near the US Capitol Building with his running mate, retired General Wesley Clark, who wore his military uniform, complete with all ribbons and medals, for the event. Claiming that President Bush had known for years that any war in Iraq would quickly degrade into a Viet-Nam-like quagmire, Kerry protested Bush’s foreign policy by throwing General Clark over the fence and chanting anti-war slogans with Jane Fonda.
Number 3: Ronald Reagan, our beloved 40th President, died quietly at his California ranch, and a nation mourned. Except, of course, for those maggot-sucking protestors who burst in on the memorial service, waving signs printed with such vile crap as “Hinckley should’ve shot you twice” and “Burn in hell, Bonzo”. The enraged crowd turned on the outnumbered idiots, thus commencing the event that the news media later dubbed “Kick’n’Piddlestock ’04”. Sales of the DVD are currently on track to break the record previously held by the movie “Titanic”.
Number 2: As election day neared, a group of extreme left-wing fanatics posted entries on their– what’s that word there? “blogs”? What the hell is a “blog”?– [off camera: “Just read the story, Melinda”]–ok, uh, “blogs”– * giggle * – that sounds like someone throwing up — blaaaaaaagh! * snort *– anyway, heh, on their “blogs”, calling on leftists of all stripes to physically blockade voting booths across the nation, and to make sure that only people voting for Kerry would be allowed to mark their ballots. After getting wind of the nefarious plot, noted right-wing blaaaaaaagher– [off camera: MELINDA!]– * snicker * – sorry, couldn’t resist– blogger Frank J. of IMAO organized the now-famous counter-protest “Operation Groin Stomp”. Election day 2004 was one of the cheeriest ever, as voters were continually amused by the sight of lefty moonbats writhing on the ground, holding their crotches, and crying like little babies.
And the number 1 news story of 2004 is, without question, the results of the election itself. In a stunning upset, Frank J. was elected President via a massive deluge of write-in votes. After the results were announced, Frank J. used a little-known loophole in the Constitution which allowed him to assume the office of President immediately. Within 60 seconds of completing his Presidential Oath, Frank J. fulfilled a long-standing campaign promise by nuking the moon. Outraged, every leftist in the country gathered in Berkeley, California the next weekend to protest this outrageous bid for world peace. As the mass of fetid hippies started chanting “no blood for green cheese!”, Berkeley was also nuked. In the 8 weeks since then, every non-nuked barking moonbat lefty and/or terrorist in the world, fearing our beloved and psychotic President, has kicked himself in the spleen and piddled up his own nose in terror. Thanks to Frank J.’s brilliant strategy, the planet Earth now spins its way through space in peace and harmony.
That’s our recap of the year’s top stories, I hope you enjoyed it. I’m Melinda Hawkish, and these [removing her shirt and shimmying enthusiastically] are my boobs. Good night, and have a jiggly tomorrow.
List 5
Top Ten Ways the Loony Moonbat Left Will Make Themselves Look Even MORE Hopelessly Ridiculous in 2004
10. Decide that liberals are a master race and use Michael Moore as an example of what a model human should look like.
9. Rob from the rich, give to the poor, shot by the police.
8. Decide that protest chants must not only rhyme but also must be able to be sung to the tune of “Funky Town”.
7. Combine an Atkins diet with a vegan diet and then just starve to death.
6. Not only try and tie Bush’s grandfather to the Nazi’s, but go even further back to show that an ancient relative of his gave the thirty pieces of silver to Judas.
5. Their solution to Islamo-facists: Gay-marriage.
4. Decide to abandon the Democrats for being too moderate and instead put all their backing behind the dynamic powerhouse that is Ralph Nader.
3. Same idiotic rhetoric as before, but now in Klingon.
2. Blame all the worlds troubles on some poor woman named Halle Burton.
And the number one way the loony moonbat left will make themselves look even MORE hopelessly ridiculous in 2004…
Start protesting election results in October.
List 6
10. Al Franken will host a blog entitled “Blogging Bloggers and the Lefties that Blog Them,” and insist that all comments be written in pig latin. Glenn Reynolds remarks “indeedway.”
9. The Union will be plunged into chaos as the Howlin’ Howard Deaniacs mount a coup attempt in upstate Vermont. They will terrorize the countryside for exactly 3.73 minutes until they are dealt a resounding defeat by the local Boy Scout Troop 137 and their “fuzzy bunny bomb” offensive.
8. John F. Kerry will drop out of the presidential race in order to star in a lucrative Droopy Dog live-action movie. In a strange twist of fate, the Democrat nomination will not go to Senator John Edwards, but instead goes to psychic John Edward, who insists that the spirit of the original JFK is guiding his campaign.
7. 37 people will be injured during a Democrat “Adopt a Frenchman” event, when the gathered Frenchmen are panicked into stampeding by a midget named Steve wearing a red suit. Quote from the event — “The little red devils! THE LITTLE RED DEVILS!”
6. Senator Ted Kennedy will throw a stomping fit on the floor of the Senate. Quote: “No you can’t! No you can’t! No you can’t! I’LL HOLD MY BREATH!” – Emergency personnel will, unfortunately, be able to revive him before the lack of oxygen does any permanent damage.
5. 43 members of PETA will be horribly mutilated, while protesting offshore drilling, when they are attacked by a rogue school of mutated sea monkeys. Peter Jennings reports: “Until today– I had never thought– to fear a monkey.”
4. The Hippys for Peace, Happiness, and Free Love society will propose that we change the national anthem from the Star Spangled Banner to Give Peace a Chance. They will subsequently be the first to fall to the newly formed Anti-Hippy Ninja Defense Force led by Grand Master Donald Rumsfeld himself.
3. Al Sharpton will don a cape and bucket and declare himself Mr. Bucketheadman. Then proceed to roam the streets of Washington D.C. attempting to wipe out racial inequity.
2. Senator Hillary Clinton will throw a stomping fit on the floor of the Senate. Quote: “No you can’t! No you can’t! No you can’t! I’LL HOLD MY BREATH!” – Emergency personnel, having learned their lesson the first time, immediately go on strike.
And the number 1 Way the Loony Moonbat Left Will Make Themselves Look Even MORE Hopelessly Ridiculous in 2004
1. Think that they’re winning.
And now, you must do your part, Gentle Readers–vote for the funniest top ten list below…
POLLING CLOSED
But where is the humor? Where are the “I shorted out my keyboard while violently expelling my morning coffee through my nostrils” moments? Where are the bloody winnebagos?
Steve
Also a seemingly narrow focus on the upcoming election. There are lots of lefty moonbats beyond the democratic contenders.
Who wants to start a betting pool was to which one Frank’s is .
I am pretty sure I know.
Can I bet in that pool? I think I know too.
Frank’s is obviously the one with the most typos…oops!!! I wasn’t supposed to mention that!!! 😉
No comments from you, Susie, since you know who did what.
Oh, and I guess no more comments from me or any other contestant.
Susie, you read my mind!! (But I wasn’t going to say anything either!)
IMAO Contest
Go vote for the best top ten list at IMAO: Top Ten Ways the Loony Moonbat Left Will Make Themselves Look Even MORE Hopelessly Ridiculous in 2004 My favorite? #5. A couple just weren’t that funny, and a couple just…
What do you mean I can’t comment??? 🙁 🙁
I’m pretty sure I know which one is Franks.
Either way, they were all funny…..and if I ever start blogging, I’ll join in the next one.
At the risk of alienating all of Frank J’s readers who read QandO – which is, at last count, not many what with Frank’s continued failure to blogroll me despite my many links to him and repeated high praise….bastard!
Where was I? Oh. Right. Alienating people.
Can I suggest we add another vote button? “None of the Above”. I didn’t laugh. I’d think that disqualifies them all.
Nothing personal, Frank. You monkey-bastard, link scrooge.
Number 11: Start protest marches to release Saddam because his Miranda rights were violated.
Number 12: Lobby to pull troops out of Afghanistan to begin naval blocakade of Britian and Austrailia.
Umm…none of those were that funny. Sorry.
While #4 didn’t exactly fit the “top ten” model, I had to give it credit for being the most thoughtful of the lists. Obvious a lot of work went into it.
Melinda didn’t hurt either.
Sorry… uninspired, unoriginal, unfunny. Didn’t laugh once.
Very disappointed.
Only one thing to say–humor is harder than it looks.
I have new respect for you Frank.
You should disable the voting function after it detects that you already voted….unless you want to pull another 2000 election … 🙂
It’s supposed to do that.
I voted 3 times…
Make that 4 (unless it doesnt tell me that I’m blocked)
Stop it then!
I will! But you should fix it so your competitors can’t repeatedly vote for themselves
Dan,
I have the vote limiting option on. I don’t know if it gives you a reject notice or not, but no one should try voting more than once anyway.
Hear that, everyone?
I think one of the reasons this is so difficult is that it is hard to make such foolish people look any more foolish than they make themselves look anyway.
I liked number 4 best.
Don’t remind me about the cutting of the Comanche…
Whoops, corrected:
15. Malign Rumsfeld’s decision to cut the Crusader and Comanche weapons systems as unpatriotic and signalling weakness on defense. Tagline: “Are these Republicans aware that we could buy one Crusader artillery package instead of feeding only 50,000 starving children for a year?”
I think you should all vote for num…… (ack)…. (gag)….. Rumsfield…..(choke)… Strangler…. (silence)
Win Frank’s Funny Update…
OK, the 6 lists vying for supremacy in the Imperial Secretary of War’s epic contest are now up for viewing…
go vote
Frank ordered me to link this. it’s got 6 top ten lists and you vote for the best one. only one is by Frank. will he win?…
No fair Frank. You’re competition with a bunch of un-armed idiots. Couldn’t people at least plagiarize to make it interesting?
Hmmm. I’m a little disappointed. There were only two entries that actually got me to crack a smile and I’m pretty sure one of them is Frank’s just by writing style.
Another one was almost funny but I felt the author was trying a little too hard. Give us the benefit of the doubt…you don’t have to explain your jokes…that kills it.
Anyway, best of luck to all contestants. (But my pick better win.)
Shit
There will be a mutal sob/sulk fest at my blog for all contsants involved later on this evening, about how no one loves us and such. Snacks on cheeze crackers will be served byob.
Maybe next time there can be some better “random” selections.
I don’t think they were that bad. Everybody just had their expectations up and then had to read all of these lists bunched together. If the lists had been shown individually on each author’s blog, the cumulative suck wouldn’t have been anywhere near as high.
Now, where’s this betting pool I heard about?
I’m not voting because my list isn’t one of the choices.
Frank’s Orders
I don’t mind taking orders on occassion. Especially when I am in the mood to be ordered and/or like the orders. wink Err, yeah. So per Frank’s orders; Go Vote! Now! Quickly. Do. It. That is all….
Frank’s Orders
I don’t mind taking orders on occassion. Especially when I am in the mood to be ordered and/or like the orders. wink Err, yeah. So per Frank’s orders; Go Vote! Now! Quickly. Do. It. That is all….
im rather annoyed by the lack of humor in all of these lists. for sooth…
It was a tough vote, mostly blah. I blame the topic being too broad, not the efforts of the challangers.
A strategy note: Since I was too bored to read any of the lists in their entirety, anyone who put their funniest ones on top probably one.
My suggestions:
Number a: Petition Canada to accept US as Seventh Province, hereafter named “Fat Greedy Capitalist-foundland.”
Number iv: Decide that the Euro is so great, we will go one better by adopting the UN-o, a currency issued by the UN, with pictures of embattled anti-colonialists and anti-“zionist” pogroms.
Number 3/2: Because it will make gay couples feel more welcome, and because the 9th Circuit says its in the constitution, all adults will be required to marry someone of the same sex. Like picking “buddies” on field trips, it’s recommended you get one quickly, or you’ll be stuck with Bradley – that kid with the b.o. and the wierd stare who never gets picked.
Number Frank: In order to free Senate and House committees for their essential duties of fighting over pork and campaign contributions, the US will henceforth be governed by a group of celebrities, in order of fame. Different celebrity committees will set policy on issues such as whether non-celebrities should be allowed to own SUVs or guns (no), taxed more (yes), or set free from death row. (The death row one is a trick question – celebrity death row prisoners may go free, but non-celebrities die, preferably in a special effects scene to add versamilatude for the rest of us.)
Number there is no number 5: Tobacco, liquor and fatty foods will henceforth be viewed as bad. Wine, marijuana, recreational drugs, promiscous sex, and abortion as a means of birth control will be viewed as good. Oh, wait . . .
Number 2^n: Only people found funny by the Democractic Underground will be allowed to tell jokes, resulting in even more $$ for Al Franken, a nationwide manhunt for Frank J, and daily censorship for Dave Barry.
Number @#&*~!: In an effort to prove his macho bona-fides, Kerry vows to literally kill anyone who questions his service in Vietnam, for example by pointing out that Kerry supported lower defense spending than many Republicans while in the Senate. (“Supported of lower than desirable defense spending” was one of the most vicous attacks that the hippies would shout at returning soldiers back in ’71, so it’s not surprising that Kerry takes it so personally.) However, when Arnold Schwartzenegger calls Kerry’s bluff, Kerry “flip-flops,” and claims that he never said “kill,” he only said that he would “make fun of the accent of anyone who questions my foriegn policy, preferably from a safe distance.”
bodacious ta-ta’s??? That’s FUNNY!
Frank J’s Latest Contest
Susie is running Frank J.’s “Super Lucky Happy Fun Permalink Contest Number One II.” If you please, go now to IMAO and vote for the correct contestant….
What’s with all the “I didn’t laugh at any of them” business? The first three were kind of below par, but number four almost made me fall out of my chair laughing. What’s wrong with you people? Did you forget to take your humor pills this morning?
Someone has cheated on it. Could it be you Frank. You were supposed so finish your list on Thirsday, and something tells me that you changed it last Sunday for the voters to recognize you.
Hummm… that’s not really fair play.
Okay… I’m not funny but I’m funnier than 5 out of the six of them. Here’s some ideas
🙂 As a desparation move, Kerry announces Britney Spears to be his running mate and then marries her in flash wedding.
🙂 Paris Hilton tape featuring Kerry appears on the net. In this tape, no sex acts occur because Kerry forgot his Levitra at home.
🙂 Footage surfaces of Kerry drinking beer and smoking blunts with North Vietnamese soldiers in an effort to wage peace during his tour in Vietnam.
🙂 Kerry appears on celebrity Jeopardy to show how smart he is. Jessica Simpson defeats him in Final Jeopardy.
🙂 Justin Timberlake performs at the democratic convention. A wardrobe malfunction occurs revealing a metal star attached to Teresa Kerry’s nipple.
🙂 Palm beach country residents protest the results of the election because they thought the ballot was too confusing. They thought the John Kerry’s name was really George Dubya.
Don’t remind you about the commanche, are you kidding? I worked on that thing for a year back in 1996-97. I want that year back if they cancel the program.
Frank you really are a monkey. You cheat on your own blog. In some way you lied to your friends, and you play funny.
EVERYONE
I suggest to link to Frank’s blog with this picture. You’re a zizi blogger Frank J. And chimp.
allyn,
I meant I was upset about the program being canceled.
Frank, you are on Susie’s time table now !!!!!
🙂
hmmm … not sure about that Melvin. the Kerry smoking blunts with N vietnamese was a winner….
How about this
17. Democrats loudly decry the first Iraqi elections as rigged, claiming that individuals were disenfranchised via ballots which are impossible to understand. Politely told that the ballots are difficult to read because they are written in Arabic, they quickly change the subject.
Amphi,
Susie can ensure that I had mine in on time.
Frank, nine is not 10. You are a cheater, someone of no trust who plays to win, not for the fun.
And you did not even had 9 but 8 on ten.
Only you could write such things as Aborted
Fetus Burgers. It is really of a poor taste.
I think that we should organize a cannibal party. We eat you cut in small crude peaces with salt chanting war dances.
It’s not fine coming in the campaign with a cheat Frank. At least, you should have to choose between the campaign and this very untruthful fun of yours.
Boo you, little zizi chimp.
Amphi,
You are super paranoid or joking in a way I don’t understand.
Phelps,
Your top ten list was fantastic. It was better than Frank’s list.
Yours,
Wince
At least.
number two was funny: the kerry as skelator is a keeper
‘Super Lucky Happy Fun Permalink Contest Number One II – Win Frank J.’s Funny’ from IMAO.
Frank J. leader of The Alliance of Free Blogs is having a contest whereby people vote for the funniest top 10 list of the way the Left could make itself look dumber. You may view the entries here and in…
Yet more proof that even conservatives can be dull, tedious drones.
Years ago a fellow running a game of Marvel Superheroes for 12 year olds at a convention told me, “I disqualified everybody, that’s how bad they were.” Were he the judge of this contest he’d add, “And I had them shot.”
How not funny was it? It wasn’t even strange.
Alan, I don’t agree, it was funny.
Surrogates !!!!! They all have gone !
Well, that’s not what I pretended to do, but I am shocked and I don’t even know how to explain how. A game is a game, also if you play with your friends, you don’t cheat with them. You just play. And it’s funny also to loose. I mean, even a 3 years old child is taught that cheating is not the best way to play and have fun. Oh sure you win, but your friends no more trust you.
Well, Moonshine and nuke the moon probably are funny also, but …
?
I think that as a result, everyone should be a winner and Frank should be condemned to put all the permalinks of all the competitors with the picture of him written:
“Zizi blogger, who is unfair, unbalance, unmedicated.
Chi chi cheater, the chimp of IMAO”
And the list of the competitors, the five except Frank, should be written tipped WINNERS and ranked from the younger at the top to the older at the bottom, so we always know that little rasta is ten years younger than Frank.
And now Frank, I’ll call you Chi Chi.
Come on Frank, for the greatness of America.
One looser.
Five winners.
The donkeys are running quicker than the horse !
No, it’s the horse that took the wrong direction !
Go. Read. Laugh. Maybe.
I almost forgot: The permalink contest is up at Frnak’s. Honestly, I’m disappointed. The lists weren’t that funny, and NONE OF ‘EM WERE FRIGGIN’ SPELL-CHECKED! Take some pride in your work, people! My list was funnier than most of theirs….
I have to say that:
2. Senator Hillary Clinton will throw a stomping fit on the floor of the Senate. Quote: “No you can’t! No you can’t! No you can’t! I’LL HOLD MY BREATH!” – Emergency personnel, having learned their lesson the first time, immediately go on strike.
clinched my vote. Arguably one of the funniest single lines from all entries.
GEBIV, do you know this one ?
“Rob from the rich, give to the poor, shot by the police.”
[/sigh] If only it were that simple…
Frank, you should confess to us. We are not Muslims. We won’t cut your hand. We won’t even cut your little zizi.
Alright. It was a game and you are a real dum (see that we cannot say any more that you are a dummy, because it would be too much confusing with the picture).
In the flood of the game you have forgotten there had rules, but after all it’s not your fault. It’s nobody’s fault actually. You cannot be a chimp with the brain of a real children, so we have to help you be a real smart guy, just as you were before you became this naughty, naughty, naughty chimp.
We would all together agree to pardon you, take all together our hands and chant a song to Chi Chi the Great, Chi Chi the Chimp, Chi Chi You, honey.
But the competitors must all five win. And you must lose, because that would be fair.
It’s pretty obvious which one is FrankJ’s, but #3 deserves an honorable mention I think.
Melvin,
I think your top five was great. The Starbucks I was drinking came out of my nose and onto my keyboard.
Um, Amphitryon, just how do you know that Frank has a “little zizi?” I do so hope this isn’t a case of “kiss and tell!” Heh.
Also, just in case you didn’t know: Frank doesn’t like monkeys. So I’m purt durn sure that chanting a song to “Chi Chi* the Great” is not a shortcut to his good opinion.
I’m just saying…
*I thought “chi chi” meant “big hooters” in Spanish?
Oh, Casey Tompkins, being a little zizi or a big one does not change the matter. It’s always a zizi, and Frank, will always be a little zizi from my point of view.
I do know that Frank hates monkeys, which is the reason why the picture suits to him. Because he cheated, and because that cheating makes him be a real monkey. See.
About the translation in Spanish you see… I can speak English as a Spanish cow, but I don’t remember what Chi Chi is…
Pronounce chee chee…
The blogosphere has been overrun! Flee back to talk radio!
Pearls among the prairie oysters
Many people have commented over at Frank’s that they didn’t find the top ten lists funny. I think they were suffering from over-expectations. Every one of the lists had at least one item that made me laugh out loud. Top Ten six Ways the Loony Moonbat L…
I want a picture of Melinda Hawkish!
Win Frank J.’s Funny
Yesterday, the Super Lucky Happy Fun Permalink Contest Number One II – Win Frank J.’s Funny contest started. I have…
“Amphi,
You are super paranoid or joking in a way I don’t understand.”
Yeah…I’m definitely going with “super paranoid” with a side order of frickin’ nuts — Supersized. (If only it was “to-go”).
Ya know, this just wasn’t very funny. The premise just was dead from the beginning. The topic wasn’t well phrased. “Loony Moonbat Left” just isn’t funny to me either. It’s like DU calling people stupid names…we’re above that.
Ya know, this just wasn’t very funny. The premise just was dead from the beginning. The topic wasn’t well phrased. “Loony Moonbat Left” just isn’t funny to me either. It’s like DU calling people stupid names…we’re above that.
I liked all of them! Put my vote down for List 4!!
Franks, I mean #4’s,was the best with #6 close behind . and Frank, is Amphitryon your ex-wife? If so, please bitch slap the crap out of her for me, she’s extremely irritating. She’s obviously fixated on you, and wants a zizi bigger than yours. (See her self portrait above)
Mongrul,
Frank is a little zizi because he is a very young man mostly interested with praise, sort a gigolo that does not make the difference between seriousness and fun. Sex is among the peace of fun.
It’s not that I am against the fun, but I am a kind of Mama, old enough to not be bothered by Frank’s games on matching. So when there is a problem on the table, it would be intelligent of Frank to consider the problem for what it is rather than his little zizi.
Got it. And still, Frank is a cheater.
I have friends and I respect my friends as long as they still are respectful, but if they want to play with me. Here is the game. Play it.
I’ll send you peanuts.
thats to much to read
Where can I follow up for more information