I get all these e-mail solicitations from the John Kerry campaign for contributions, and I’ve finally decided to do something. So, for the first time ever, I’m going to fisk something. Here’s a e-mail I got just two days ago:
Dear Frank,
Okay, this is my first fisk, and I’ve already run into a problem. I can’t find anything wrong with this line. My name is Frank, and I am quite dear.
The Bush Campaign has violated every standard of decency by attacking John Kerry’s military service. When it comes down to it, this is an attack on all veterans, soldiers and their families. And so we’re asking for help from all Americans to hit back now:
https://contribute.johnkerry.com
Wow! Every single standard of decency! And their attacking every single veteran, soldier, and their families. That’s a lot of people to attack. Do they know they’re being attacked? Before I click and give you money, what’s the attack?
RNC Chairman Ed Gillespie and Bush Campaign Manager Ken Melhman are running an ugly smear campaign on John Kerry’s service in Vietnam. We’ve seen this before. In 2000 they ran a “whisper campaign” against John McCain, suggesting his time as a POW made him unfit for the Presidency. Then in this campaign, their surrogates have even questioned Max Cleland’s war heroism — a man who received a Silver Star and lost three limbs in the Vietnam War.
Okay, well here is how they supposedly attacked other people. I remember all that whispering I heard back during the Republican primary in 2000, but then I got pills to take care of that. And maybe Cleland’s heroism should be questioned; why’d he’d hold on to his last limb. Wouldn’t a true hero give that up as well?
Anyway, how are they attacking Kerry?
The fact is they’re terrified of running against John Kerry’s war record. And so they’re desperately doing everything they can to try to tear it down.
Why would they be running against Kerry’s war record? Is the campaign for gunboat captain? And again, what’s this attack on Kerry? My ever shrinking attention span is… well… shrinking.
We need to hit back, and hit back hard to get out the truth. We’ve learned that the Bush Campaign will say and do anything in the attack ads they’re running in key swings [sic] states. We’ve simply got to be able to counter them. And we can only do that if supporters keep contributing to our campaign at the record-setting levels we saw last month.
Give us the means to hit back. Contribute now:
https://contribute.johnkerry.com
Wow! Bush Campaign will say and do anything in their ads? Even soft-core porn? Because that’s just not right… I think (I’m really not a political consultant). And there’s that contribution URL again. No money for you, though, until you tell me what this supposed attack on you is.
Engaging extra fisk mode.
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As a young man, John Kerry volunteered for two tours of duty in Vietnam.
No one ever told me he served in Vietnam.
He risked his life while trying to save the lives of others.
Trying? To quote Yoda…
He was awarded the Bronze Star and Silver Star for going above and beyond the call of duty.
Why no gold star. Underachiever?
He was injured three times in battle and received three Purple Hearts.
Are you sure you want to brag about getting injured three time? Hey, I was once severely burned on my hand cooking a pot pie, but you don’t hear me bragging about it. And the scar is still–
Hey! It finally healed! Great, I hated having to explain how I got that while cooking a pot pie. The scar on my back is a much better story; it’s a knife wound from when I once got in an argument. I said, “That mole looks benign to me!” But my dermatologist disagreed — and she cut me!
Back to topic, I’m just saying that if I were in a warzone, I bet I could get injured way more than three times — some of it friendly fire.
The story Melhman and Gillespie are desperately trying to push is that John Kerry was not injured badly enough to receive one of his Purple Hearts.
Fianlly, there’s the attack. Those rascally Melhman and Gillespie! They’ll pay for this slander!
It sounds incredible, but that’s the attack they’re pushing: Not injured badly enough.
That is incredible! Not as incredible as the Hulk, but pretty damn incredible. Don’t they know Kerry served in Vietnam?
You’d think this would backfire on its own. But most Americans are not familiar with John Kerry’s Vietnam record.
This is the first I’ve heard about him being in Vietnam.
If all they hear is the Bush smear campaign in the press — shady allegations and “questions raised” — then the Bush Campaign’s underhanded tactics will work.
Hey, I know how politics work, bud. But Kerry can’t just whine about it; he needs to come out to the American people and say, “Dude, I was totally injured really really badly. Look! Here’s the scar!” Scars are cool.
Help us fight back by contributing above. And if you’re a veteran, John Kerry wants to know and asks you to join Veterans for Kerry right now:
http://www.johnkerry.com/signup/veterans.php
But I’m not a veteran. What do I do?
Thank you,
Mary Beth Cahill
Campaign Manager, John Kerry for President
Wait! Don’t leave! I want to donate now but I forgot what the URL is!
Word on the street is that if you donate a penny the costs of redeeming it is more, thus being a drain on his campaign.
At first I misread one line and thought he signed up for two HOURS in Viet Nam.
If you’re curious about presidential campaign ads, try FactCheck.org which is a site that verfies the facts of the ads.
Did John Kerry approve of this message, disapprove of this message, or both?
I am already tired of the campaign, can we donate somewhere to end it? How about a presidential lottery, we all get to pick a set of numbers and who ever wins is the president.
My grandpa served two terms in Viet Nam. He did stuff that was WAY more dangerous than what John Kerry says he did, and he only got two Purple Hearts. Sometimes being injured more often than your fellows doesn’t mean you were a better soldier; it means you were a worse one (or a whiner–which is the same thing).
Regarding John Kerry, my grandpa also said, and I quote, “I have no use for that man.” If you knew my grandpa, you’d know what an unusually harsh thing that is for him to say. He’s normally all jolly smiles and tries to find something good about everyone.
Don’t forget your waffles
Is he still the best that the Dems could do this year? Kerry is Al Gore without the personality. If they are throwing in the towel already the least they could have done is given us Dean, he was fun and loony, it would have been like nominating Kramer from Seinfeld. Kerry is just boring and condescending. By the way, I didn’t know Kerry served in Vietnam?????
Good one Frank.
They start out making out like Bush is saying something like ‘Kerry not only killed Vietnamese babies, he slow roasted them on a spit, ALIVE, and served them up on a bun with a choice of side of potato salad or cole slaw and the last purple heart was when he got choked on a baby
bone while eating a BaByQ Sandwich.’
Sheesh.
New Fund?
Some unknown person (cough, cough) signed Frank J up for a bunch of Democrat mailing lists. Now he has the opportunity to fisk a letter from the Kerry campaign. In the comments, James suggests: I am already tired of the…
LibertyBob, I read it the same way and cracked up.
Frank J, I couldn’t stop laughing at the argument with the dermatologist. I scared the cats. You’re a genius, but since you’re a genius, you already knew that.
Kerry served in Vietnam?
–No matter what the “real” story is on his medals and all that… the hard fact is that he vacated the war after four months, and then came back home and stabbed his people in the back. He is the very worst kind of low life… he violated a brotherhood with his treasonous crap and now he wants those he slandered to open their arms to him
–There is a very special place in hell for evil scum like him. Dirty, filthy, treacherous piece of crap.
–Sorry for holding back… next time, I’ll tell you how I REALLY feel.
Questioning the heroism of Cleland are they? Yep, yep. It sure was heroic of him to go and mess around with a live grenade under the influence of a few brewskis. 😀
-The Real Conservative Carl
aka The Half-Elven Commie Slayer
Yeah, those lousy Republicans, they questioned Cleland serving in Vietnam and losing 3 limbs there by by pointing out that he voted against creating the Department of Homeland Security.
?
Heh, I just joined Traitor Veterans For That Dirty Traitor Bastard Kerry (or whatever his club is called). I joined as Rocky Squirrel, having served in ALL branches of the military during the Spanish-American War.
And yes, I do question the patriotism of someone who supports a dipshit like Kerry. Why? The little weasel pranced around DC yapping about “war atrocities” he had no personal knowledge of, smearing the good name of brave men who served, got shot up or killed while fighting Communism.
“That mole looks benign to me!” But my dermatologist disagreed — and she cut me!
Great line, I had a similar arguement with my dentist and lost tooth because of it.
Did you see Kerry’s latest. When asked about the Chevy Suburban SUV he drives, he said it belongs to the family, not him.
This guy will even sell out his own family to get elected – the same family that gives him his allowance. Then to prove what a numbnuts he is he said he only drives cars made in America – me too a BMW made in South Carolina by UAW labor.
Outsourcing works both ways.
What do you expect, JFK#2 is as big a liar as JFK#1
http://murdertheleft.blogspot.com/
LOL! Owww… my sides… hee hee
{by the way, about the penny thing. That would only work if Kerry had his account set up a certain way, mostly only small businesses have their businesses set up like that. I doubt Kerry does. :o)
What’s a “verteran” Frank? heheh.. Good fisk.
When are politicians just going to cut the fluff and get right down to it? I can’t wait for the day when I get an email from a campaign telling me: “Our opponent is a dirty, smelly, no-good, lying, piece of sh**. And his mother was a whore. Give us money.”
And maybe Cleland’s heroism should be questioned; why’d he’d hold on to his last limb. Wouldn’t a true hero give that up as well?
Frank
—This is the worst joke I heard in years.
And I feel bad for laughing out loud!
(PS Cleland and Kerry used their war record to demonize Bush so I feel you should be able to laugh at politicians’ immorality)
Maybe I missed something here but…
Didn’t THEY attack Bush’s Military career FIRST?
(I love pointing out the obvious Bwahahah)
I am John Kerry and i approve of this message
April 14th
I am John Kerry and i Dissapprove of this message
April 23
I am John Kerry and i approved of this message first
Man, I’m thinking of a photoshop of Kerry wearing an “ear necklace” and smoking a jernt… but where to post such a thing?
He shoot, he SCORES!
Frank J. is at it again, this time about Kerry’s war medals. Apparently someone has enrolled the IMAO master of Ching Ching Pao to a pro-Kerry mailing list as a joke. In fact, Frank recently recieved a fund-raising letter from…
And maybe Cleland’s heroism should be questioned; why’d he’d hold on to his last limb. Wouldn’t a true hero give that up as well?
Okay, other people have already quoted it. But, umm, ouch, that is funny. In a sick sort of way. My sides hurt.
Not to argue with a comedic genius such as yourself, Frank, but this is actually your SECOND fisking
http://www.imao.us/archives/000710.html#000710
On Cnn.com yesterday, I read an article on Kerry. What I got out of it was , (condensed)”Okay, I lied when I said the Vietnam soldiers were guilty of a bunch of evil things. However, I was really really mad and wanted the war to end so it’s okay that I tried to destroy the reputation of all the vets.”
rockynoggin — How about Democratic Underground or Indymedia? They oughta love it. Make sure you put Kerry’s “I committed the same atrocities” quote under it.
Wackos
This fundraising letter just shows how delusional the left really is… Thanks for ripping it up, Frank!…
Dean supports to Right-Wing Blogging
I just found this funny. I was trying to get trackback setup on my blog, so I could link to a post on IMAO that defiles a Kerry contribution request. I did a google search on setting up trackback, read…
McCain was unfit for the presidency because he was against Ethanol, and so the Evil Iowa Conspiracy made sure that his candidacy never succeeded.
Buahahahahaaaaaa!
Oh, and because his last name is a thinly-disguised attempt to distance himself from the ancient patriach of his family, Cain! Obviously Sen. McCain is descended from that evil, vegetable-growing, fratricidal maniac and therefore would not be a good choice for president. Remember, he’s eeeevil.
Can I donate a negative sum of money to Kerry’s campaign, then donate it to Bush? That would be very nice.
Notice that now they’re saying Bush ran a “whisper campaign” against McCain. McCain’s people couldn’t prove (for good reason-it never happened) that Bush’s campaign made slanderous calls about JM before the South Carolina primary.
I love the line about Kerry running for gunboat captain-doesn’t he have anything positive in his record other than Viet Nam?
Uh, no.
I’m sitting here, watching Kerry’s pandering to the unemployed Ohioans, and he hasn’t mentioned he served in Vietnam yet. Amazing.
Come on now, “And maybe Cleland’s heroism should be questioned; why’d he’d hold on to his last limb. Wouldn’t a true hero give that up as well?”
The guy was on his way to get a few brewskys when he picked up a gernade he thought was his own. Just how the heck do you expect this man to chug down the brewskys without at least one limb. He’s tough, he doesn’t need any more than one limb, so don’t begrudge him the use of his only beer guzzing limb.
Oh, I forgot. Don’t tell anyone this but I have been told that J F’n Kerry was a hero in an immoral war.
Remember I didn’t tell you that … it was … John McCain who told you that.
did someone just make fun of kerry for talking too much about the war, and then not enough… i’m sure Bush would love to talk about his “on-the-job training” and how one time he saved a keg that his sargeant almost found. Kerry goes back for people, Bush knows what is really important.
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