We are the United States of America. Our military might is unmatched by anyone. Our economy dwarfs that of any other country. The scientific advancements we create put all other nations to shame. So, if we have some guy in our country who can throw a javelin farther than some guy from some other country, that means what to us?
I missed it, but apparently the Olympics started over the weekend. It happens every four years, just like presidential elections, but it’s completely inconsequential. It brings nations together in one place to find which nation could conjure up some guy or gal who is best at some random test of physical acumen. Well that gets a “whoopdie” a “freak’n” and a “doo.”
Now, apparently the shiny little medals handed out as prizes mean something to pissant countries. It is well known that Saddam’s son Uday would torture athletes to get results (before we done shot up Uday good). Also, Communist countries are always pushing their athletes as if nothing is more important than them proving they have some woman who can splash less in a dive than anyone else. Why? Because they suck. This is all they have. They’re poor, stupid, and we could topple them before you could cook an egg, but at least they might be able to have someone who can best our people on the uneven bar.
Remember back in 2002 when America actually did well in the World Cup? That was mean. America had a long history of not caring about soccer and leaving that dainty sport to all the foreigners. But then we had to go and beat Mexico. As bad as things got in Mexico, they could still always say they could kick a ball around better than us. And we stole that from them. Now they have nothing.
So let’s stop our involvement in these world games. We have a war on terror to fight and a world to keep from blowing up; leave the shot put to those who have nothing better to do than care about it. In 2008, instead of boycotting the Olympics because it’s being hosted by g’damn Commies, let’s boycott it because it’s pointless. Or, better yet, since the whole draw is some country may best America, let’s send fat, drunken people to completely throw the games. Then all the other countries can laugh at how dumb and lazy we Americans are as we sit home in peace counting our money and plotting the demise of our enemies.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such novels as “A Brave New Shiznit” and “Harry Potter vs. the Starship Troopers.”
So where can I purchase a copy of “A Brave New Shiznit?”
Not a bad post Frank. As you are well aware of, struggle is a HUGE part of what defines us as Humans. If we didn’t have these competitors in the world arena, we might not be who we are today. As a lot of Christians I know say: No Jesus, No Peace; Know Jesus , Know Peace. I have always said No War, No Peace, Know War, Know Peace. Strife and struggle are a part of our existence. It is a part of what defines us, makes us who we are. We can thank these countries for laying down their honor to make us the incredibly powerful and responsible nation we have become. The Olympics kick monkey butt. hooray for Michael Phelps!! Woo Hoo!!
Sorry, another post. Something SarahK said on her site inspired me to get a quote from my favorite TV show, Babylon 5. It has to do with why the human race is out exploring the galaxy (for those who don’t know, Babylon 5 ran on Sci-Fi for 5 years). This show did an OUTSTANDING job in the areas of politics and inter-racial dealings and there is a lot to be gleaned from some of the shows. Just stuff to think about anyway…
It’s from Season one of Babylon 5, episode 4:
ISN reporter: “So Commander, after all you’ve just gone through, I have to ask you the same question a lot of people are asking about space these days: Is it worth it? Should we just pull back, forget the whole thing as a bad idea and take care of our own problems?”
Commander Michael Sinclair: “No, we have to stay here. There’s a simple reason why. Ask ten different scientists about the environment, population control, genetics, and you’ll get ten different answers. But there’s one thing every scientist on the planet agrees on; Whether it happens in a hundred years, a thousand years or a million years, eventually our sun will grow cold and go out. When that happens it won’t just take us, it’ll take Marilyn Monroe. And Lao Tsu, Einstein, Maroputo… Buddy Holly and Aristocles and all of this… ALL of this was for nothing. Unless we go to the stars.”
This is of particular interest in light of the War on Terror we Americans are waging today. (Keep in mind this show went off the air in like 2000 or so…) It succinctly underlines the very reason this war was begun against us at the same time it underscores our reason to fight to the very last one of us; To Know, To Explore, To Strive; This is part of what it is to be Human. Our very existence has been called into question and we must not be derelict in our duty to heed that call…
We have a duty to bring enlightenment to the world whether they see that need or not. The most successful form of government in history can’t be ALL bad, no matter what the DEMs would have you beleive. We must continue to struggle, to strive in order to grow as a race. At least until the Final Coming of Christ.
Yeah, that last one was by me…
Sorry…
I had the CGI-animated Starship Troopers DVD’s (MUCH better than that suck-a$$ live action movie) and watched them with my then 9-year old son over the objections of his mother ( “There’s so much violence in them!” – blank stare )
He got interested enough to want to read the book which we did together. When I explained the concept of the book’s political structure (only those that served could run for office and vote) he thought for a moment and then said, “Well that makes a lot of sense. They fought for the right so they should be the ones that get it!’
From the mouths of babes….
It was very wrong of us to humiliate Mexico at soccer without also stealing any of their oil.
I agree in part. But America kicks ass!! Anytime we can shove that down the world’s throat the better!!
I for one thoroughly enjoy watching the Olympics. For me it’s not always about what country takes home the most metals (unless it’s US.) It’s more about cheering for your countrymen and women. These athletes train their whole lives for this. I know Frank J’s Editorials are more for humorous enjoyment, but even still I feel the need to make a point. Back in school I participated in a variety of sports. I wasn’t the best on the team, (as there was always some other guy on the team who’s father had been teaching him a better way to throw a ball since he was like 2 years old) but it was always fun. And win or lose, it was always fun. Also, as a participant in a sport and as a member of a team, you develop a lot of self-discipline, motivation, and confidence. I think these things are very important to have. And now I’ve wondered off topic. In closing, I congratulate all those who have had success in the Olympics. It’s great to see all of their hard work pay off. Great job, and we’re proud of you
The point of the United States being in the Olymics is that it distracts our whiny liberals for a while so they’ll go chant about something else for a while. That gives a little peace and quiet to the people who are regularly chanted at. That’s when we move in our Zionist-controlled space-alien technology to boost our oil dependence and oppress the down-trodden.
Jimmy Pedro became the first American to win 2 Olympic medals in Judo. Yay Judo & Jimmy Pedro! I was starting to agree with Frank about our old men’s soccer team when I remember we had a guy with hair like Carrot Top on steroids. It was a big, red non-spheroidal afro. Without the Olympics we couldn’t let a guy like that loose to kick some soccer butt while the world watched on TV. Then you have the Gold medal soccer woman that flashed everyone. Without the US, soccer would just have the fighting part of Jerry Springer, not all the other cool stuff. How about if we cut down on the diving and double up on soccer and Judo?
Have you sold the rights to “Harry Potter vs. the Starship Troopers” yet? Being a HUGE Heinlein fan, I would love nothing more than to see those “brats” from the Potter flicks get smoked my some good old fasioned lazerin’!! Could this be a back door introduction for S.M.I.T.E.??
“With hair like Carrot Top on steroids…”
“Non-spheroidal afro…”
LMAOROTF..! The mental picture just has me grinning from ear to ear! But could you more closely define just what a non-spheroidal afro would look like? I think I just blew a mental fuse on that one…
i heart the Olympics.
I don’t know, I kind of like the one where they ride around on skis and shoot rifles off at random times. Wrong season for that one, though.
Next time lets’s send the losers from all the reality shows.
Give the idiots from “Who wants to redecorate my fearful gay midget named Joe” another 1 1/2 minutes of fame.
The great thing about the Olympics is that for one great moment, a person is the best in the world. It’s no wonder everyone likes to watch. Well, everyone with the exception of Frank J. 🙂
“Harry Potter vs. the Starship Troopers.”
If you ever get that one published let me know. I will send it to my ex, she reads and rereads HP over and over.
I think she’s a little obsessed.
The thing I like about the Olympics is that it is a nice diversion (especially during an election year). And I really like watching the opening ceremonies. Other than that, I’m not into sports (and apparently the Greeks aren’t either, judging by the empty stadiums I keep seeing on TV).
Loki,
I can’t quite remember what the ‘non-spheroidal afro’ looked like just that there was alot of hair and that it was red and not round. I think he had a long beard too, so that might have confused my top of head hair shape memory. I think his name was something like ‘Lallas’.
I agree with the Paul about the biathlon. It looks pretty hard to ski around, then stop and shoot every now and then. It always struck me as a funny combination of events, I expected more running and jumping when I first heard the name.
When I explained the concept of the book’s political structure (only those that served could run for office and vote) he thought for a moment and then said, “Well that makes a lot of sense. They fought for the right so they should be the ones that get it!’
From the mouths of babes….
Posted by FormerHostage
That made goose flesh rise on my arms….
Course I think JF’n “Did I mention I was in ‘Nam?” K understands this too.
Well, as of now I’m usually sober and in fairly good shape. But if we do decide to send fat drunks to the Olympics, I can enter training immediately:
You’re going to sit around eating big macs, drinking beer, and playing “Doom 3” again!?!
Burrrp Yeah … Frank J. has me in training for the Olympics.
I’ll do diving (cannonball!) and the javelin (those 100m sprinters will set amazing new records if I’m hurling spears at them while they run). Great idea, Frank!
S
I heard the Iranian wrestler refused to wrestle the Israeli. Yeah, the games are a way of setting aside world diferences alright. Unless you hate jooos.
Frank, is the novel, “A Brave New Shiznit” about Reed the Viking?
i’ll buy the Harry Potter book. when’s it set to release?
Over the Top, don’t be ridiculous. Harry Potter could “expecto patronum” Rico’s ass all the way back to Alpha Centauri. LOL J/K.
Seriously, back in 1996, when the Olympics were held here, I really cared about them. I did. I watched them religiously. I recorded them. I stayed up all night and watched everything happen…
I think it was because I had a crush on one of the gymnists, what was her name…
Anyway, when 2000 rolled around I didn’t give a crap. Nor do I particularly care this year. The Olympics are boring. Let’s pull out of them same time we pull out of NATO and the UN.
oh, and ak Ronin…it’s JEFFREY Sinclair, knumbnuts. Michael O’Hare was the name of the actor who played him though….
And I, being the biggest B5 fan you can find, can also tell you that B5 was in syndication for 4 years, then it’s 5th season was on TNT…it only appeared on sci-fi last year.
i agree with Frank. who cares about all this crap: badmitton, handball, table tennis? they can have it if they want it that badly
ak_ronin & antodav,
Have you two thought about getting together to write a B5 script? Here’s your working title “Olympics in Space”. It could have exciting new events like zero-gravity arm wrestling and jet-pack race around the solar system. Just imagine all the chicks you’d attract! Now don’t say I never did anything for you.
You got me all jazzed about the “Fat Drunken American Team”. I could do one of the swimming events. I’ll just float down my lane in one of those inflatable lounge chairs and enjoy a Guinness while all of those foreign suckers are killing themselves trying to win. Then when I get home I’ll buy me a gold medal on eBay!
The biathalon would be much more interesting if they skiied off and shot at each other.
Whoever comes back alive gets all 3 medals.
GO STARSHIP TROOPERS!
LOL @ Dave in Texas’s comments, I agree.
As at least two other posters have mentioned, Frank, you forgot about the shooting sports in the Olympics! After all, the original intent of the Olympics (if I remember correctly) was to show off talents used in warfare (throwing spears, archery, running and swimming to the battle, etc.) Shooting seems like the only interesting part left! I saw part of the Olympic shotgunning competition this morning, and they were IMPRESSIVE, let me tell you. Maybe we should just send a USA shooting team and nothing else!
(And for what it’s worth, NRAnews.com has a video segment that talks about the Austrailian Olympic shooting team, and how because their guns are now illegal, they have to leave their own country to go practice. Sad, no?)
How about that ultra-tight security at the Olympics?
http://edition.cnn.com/2004/SPORT/08/17/tutu.dive/
Red Mist,
I think the original Olympics had runhning and later boxing, wrestling and chariot racing. Except boxing involved lifelong disfigurement if not death, the only rule in wrestling was no eye-gouging (i.e. hitting, bone breaking and choking allowed), and usually most didn’t finish the chariot race.
the tutu diver should have been shot.
whatever you don’t understand, kill it.
Paul,
We could do that, but how would you keep the Narn and the Centauri from cheating? or killing each other. Hardly our “last, best hope for peace” in that case. lol
worst, episode, ever.
No, the Narn weren’t cheaters, were they? The Centauri were the ones that looked human, but with the funky hair, I think, right? They were the big cheaters. Anyway, stop them from cheating the way we do now. Get the Rangers to shoot them dead.
Well remember that the Narn blew up that Centauri outpost in the first episode and kinda started them on the path to war. I suppose that’s not cheating as much as it is being an asshole.
The Rangers, yes…if they step out of line, we’ll just bust open a can of White Star whoopass.
The essay is ethnocentric as few other things I read. It’s also so naive one can barely stand it. America’s economic power is slowly drowning swept away by the more powerful chinese underpayed workers. Not to talk about the military power which has become pointless since wartime has ended and guerrillatime has begun. Remember Vietnam? See what’s happening in Iraq’s.
Very funny anyway this blog.
I will come again the evening I want to relax and read what a simple minded warloving teenager has got in his mind.
Try a comic career.
Mattia.