August 19th, 2004
Thursday
I left work early to catch a flight to Atlanta and then to Albuquerque, New Mexico. Only problem was the flight out of Melbourne had “mechanical trouble.” No problem, they said; should only get us there ten minutes late. I stopped at the Melbourne bar and had a Guinness while watching an Italian and a Japanese man compete in archery from 70 meters (is that far?). There I had a conversation with someone who worked with airports before and told me all about how Atlanta hires plenty of felons for the jobs there and they all come through a backdoor with no metal detectors.
Hmm. Fun to know. I hope our felons are patriotic, at least.
I finally get on my plane and land in Atlanta with fifteen minutes left until my next flight leaves. We exited at terminal C, and I needed to get to A. Time for a mad dash. Now, I had a couple factors against me. I was wearing my hiking boots to help break them in, and I had my briefcase with my laptop in it… a quite heavy one. My laptop was made for operating at high speeds, but not moving at it. So I dash for the ground level that connects the terminals, jostling a few people along the way, and stopped by people loitering on the escalator (I seriously considered sliding down the side).
Down to the underground that connect the vast Atlanta terminals, I had a choice between the tram and the moving walkways. I didn’t like the idea of standing still, so I made the run down the walkways.
“Out of my way! I’m Frank J.!”
Finally I shove my way up the escalator to terminal A and then run for gate 27, my feet and briefcase becoming heavier with each step.
23… 25… Almost there… Ahh! A series of shops before 27! Must… run… further…
As one of my lungs nears bursting, I present my boarding pass to the attendant saying, “I’m… for… the flight… to… Albuquerque.”
“Sorry, sonny boy, but that one just left the gate.”
I checked my watch. I still had a minute! I hobbled to the window and watched the plane roll away. Taking a deep breath, I shouted, “Damn you!” while shaking my fist.
Still trying to regain my breath, I stumbled to the Delta desk. “Any… other… flights… to… Albuquerque?”
“None until tomorrow. We could have you out to Dallas at 7:30am and there you could get to Albuquerque by about 10:20am.”
“No… connections– I… never took… track & field.”
“Direct flight leaves here at 10:30am and gets there about 11:30am.”
“Gimme!”
That makes two times in a row I got stuck in Atlanta. Since the trouble was mechanical, they put me up in a Holiday Inn with a voucher for $10 for dinner and $4 for breakfast (will that even buy a McDonalds value meal at an airport?). The whole time I keep trying to call SarahK on my cell phone to tell her, “Abort pickup! I repeat: abort!” Her voicemail of, “Sorry, I can’t get your call right now. You’ll call me back… I mean I’ll call you back, hee hee…” kept getting less cute each time I heard it.
After eating a halfway decent Rueben at Holiday Inn’s restaurant, I settled in my room. The T.V. had CNN but no FOX News. I hate CNN. Then again, they’re based in Atlanta.
Finally, I get a call back from SarahK. “Where were you?” I demanded.
“There was no cell phone reception between Amarillo and Albuquerque, silly billy.”
“Then why didn’t you bring a satellite phone for such a condition? Your lack of foresight could ruin this team building trip!”
“Oh, you’re a goofy head. So, you won’t make it here today? I’m having a great hair day and you need to see it!”
“No! I’m stuck in Atlanta! This happens so often, I might as well declare residency here. Well, you’ll have to fend for yourself in Albuquerque; if anyone looks at you funny, stab him with a shiv. Also, replan things around my late arrival.”
“Okey dokey. Ba-bye!”
I asked for a 7:30 wake up call and went to bed. At least I’d get some sleep.
SarahK took a picture of what I missed by getting there late.
American Hottie
Damn you, Delta! Damn you!
Well, us meeting face to face would have to wait for another day…
TOMORROW – DESTINATION: HOLE IN THE GROUND
UPDATE: SarahK’s version
FIRST!
That felt good. Don’t feel too bad Frank. It happens to my family whenever we connect from Charlotte.
Mom: Where are we???
Me: Terminal D. We need to get to terminal A, which is all the way across the airport.
Dad: Time to start running!
Tomorrow??!! We have to wait until TOMORROW????! NOOOoooooooo!!!! I want INFORMATION!!!!!!! NOW! poo poo.
Damn you, Delta! Damn you!
Amen Frank. We’re all weeping for your loss.
Thank goodness SarahK had a digital camera!
70m = 63Kg verrrrry funny NOC
The words on SarahK’s shirt
are soooooooo true! Frank is
a lucky man to have her as an employee.
Damn dude I would pissed if I missed that flight too.
Especially after seeing the SarahK picture.
I have relations in Melbourne and on the island
funny, that’s not the way i remember things at all…
Would have BEEN Pissed!
[telling me I is a Dumbass]
I think Frank J just needed another day to finish reading the chapter in Bill Clinton’s book on how to seduce your employees.
That Slick Willy, not much of a president, but he sure knew how to inspire his staff!
Nothing’s worse than running. When I got out of high school I swore I would never run (or mow a lawn) again.
You should’ve just used some of your vast t-shirt fortune to charter a jet directly to your destination. What I don’t understand is with that babe waiting at the other end, you should have at least rented a car or stole a horse or something.
regards.
Um, one SarahK is uber hot. Two, Frank J, did you notice that the Amazon advertisement has that fat tub of lard (Michael Moore) and his stupid movie that lies (not Bowling for Columbine, the new one)…. You may need to get a new advertiser, or request they taket that ad off your site…
Yo. Atlanta sucks big ole donkey d!ck, don’t it? I’ve been stuck there a time or two, as well. Biggest damn place I’ve ever seen before.
That’s a wonderful picture of SarahK. What a lucky man you are to have her as an “employee.” Keep up the good work! hehe.
Frank! YOU. MISSED. THAT?!?!?!?!? Man! That sucks! By the way, in SaraK’s photo…who’s that guy in the background by the lamp?
Heh, heh…Chris said “…inspire his staff”
Frank , you are not worthy. You have failed the first test.
Frank, I’ve had to hoof it from Atlanta’s concourse A to concourse K in 15 minutes before. I made it.
There is no K, you lying liar.
Welcome back, Frank. Sorry to hear you missed out on SarahK’s hair?!…I hope you got the email of the SMITE movie I made for ya.
SarahK…nice, eh, hair…and other stuff
That was hilarious…I mean sad, very sad…
Sorry bout your luck.
TREASONESS RONIN!!!
Thought I’d say that one more time.
Just tell me you beat a few hippies “pinkytoes” during the DuMB concert.
Me like bad hair days on some girls because they put hair in ponytail and/or put baseball cap on. Me like very much Ponytail and baseball cap look.
So, Frank, what did you think about the ahem artwork on the way out of the airport? I could never figure out what art from Zimbabwe had to do with Atlanta…
Ouch. SarahK just gained five positions on my personal hottie list.
prolix,
Yeah, that stuff wierdied me out.
After the pic of SarahK all I have to say is: God Bless Texas
I flew into Atlanta from Europe once, fortunately I had a long layover, because not only was the next gate on the other side of the city, as it often is, I dropped my passport between some conveyer belts.
You should have worn your fun facts about Terrorists shirt. That would have impressed them and gotten you even more free stuff. heck, they would have called the pilots, “Get back to the gate, you have to read this guys shirt.”
Actually Frank.. that guy had it wrong Atlanta hires MONKEYS not felons. Thus the source of your troubles there.
Frank, you peasant.
You should’ve pulled the stewardess aside and had her call to your boarding gate to hold the plane.
Don’t they know who you are?
In all seriousness, I am extremely happy that you two found each other. If she can continue to put up with you – MARRY HER!
Now don’t screw it up!
We all need to live vicariously through you two for a while so that we remember what it was like to do all that mushy stuff we old married people don’t do anymore (God I hope my wife doesn’t read this!).
DFW is just as bad. Missing connections really sucks.
Should have screamed something about bombs and shoes.
The plane would have been grounded thus giving you an opportunity to bored after they investiagted you fully.
Anything for that picture. Damn dude. I’d still have a hang over for that.
Atlanta? You took Airtran, didn’t you?
SarahK, you have beautiful hair!
Young Ronin Frank J.,
This ancient song of wisdom was written by the Samurai Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show.
Take time to read and study the lyrics of this song. It may save your life…er..wife, or something.
Hey there I like your pic, just wanted to no if we could chat some time you my email so give us a buzz…….. luke903@hotmail.com
ps. I like you top…
Frank,
I must say, I saw SarahK’s picture and thought, “She’s a Hottie”. Then! I saw her T-shirt. I would not be so affected by yet another photo of a cute gyrl on the internet, but I have also been reading her blog. I think your older self would thank you for taking full advantage of any opportunities that arise.
Good Luck,
Rick
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