I got an e-mail from Bill Clinton about contributing to the Kerry campaign, and I decided to fisk it.
Dear Frank,
I don’t know you! Why are you referring to me by name, slimeball!
Make a contribution to the Democratic Party today and it will be matched dollar for dollar by the Countdown to Victory Matching Fund.
Why are you still talking? I, like most rational people, hate you.
Yesterday I sent you an important message about our Countdown to Victory Matching Fund.
How did we ever get a president as disgraceful as you? How did the electoral system fail us?
Contributions have been pouring in, and I am confident that we are going to maximize this matching gift opportunity.
I think I’m going to find everyone who voted for you and beat them with an ax handle.
You still have time to double the impact of your contribution.
My God; did you really as president say, “It considers what your definition of ‘is’ is.”?
For a long time now, you and I have worked together to help fulfill America’s promise. And I have turned to you often to ask for your help in advancing the values and vision we share.
And then you had to release your shrewish, power-grabbing wife on us. We’re still suffering from that one. I hate you!
We are in the final two weeks of this campaign and the outcome is in our hands.
BTW, that camel you shot with a cruise missile sure intimidated the terrorists. Good job there… ass!
It’s a dramatic, decisive moment that will set America’s course for years, perhaps decades, to come.
I bet Bush is still trying to clean some stains in the White House left by your administration.
That’s why I am urging you to do everything you can possibly do to support John Kerry, John Edwards and other Democratic candidates.
Having a monkey as president would have been less of a disgrace than you.
If you contribute right now, in the final hours of the Countdown to Victory Match, your gift will be worth double, helping the Democratic Party twice as much.
As long as it wore a diaper.
I’m…
Shut up…
…counting…
…you fat…
…on…
…lecherous…
…you.
…hillbilly!
Thank you,
Bill Clinton
Stay away from my sister!
First!!!
Frank has a sister?
Frank, how did Bill Clinton get your email adress? From your sister?
great fisking, you totally ripped his email apart and exposed all the inconsistencies in the kerry campaign!
oops, shouldn’t use the word “exposed” when referencing the lecherous hillbilly.
poor silly Sarah, i hope you haven’t made him curious about your sister!
the best way to keep clinton away from your sister.. tell him they are not related to eachother
To keep the Arkansas Rapist away from your sister make sure that she doesn’t drag a hundred dollar bill through the trailer park.
Where do they get the money to match the contributions? Oh yeah! The Mob!
Frank, where should I sent the bill from my emergency room visit? I think I may have really hurt myself when violently thowing myself on the floor LMAO. Will there be matching funds for this?
Hey easy on hillbillies
Some of us aren’t too bad!
Besides he’s just plain old fashion white trash.
Most of us hillbillies are actually pretty respectful folks 🙂
Now that’s what fisking should look like!!
And I have to agree with BloodSpite. I am the spawn of hillbillies (as my husband says, my family tree doesn’t really branch off in too many places!), and I’m a God-fearing, gun-toting Republican as are most of my cousins (some good things actually have come out of Arkansas!).
Not “Stay away from my sister!”
More like: “Get off my pig!”
damn, jonag. that got me thinkin’. I have family that deliberately went to Arkansas to live. Nice thing? That fraction was never heard from again! (course, this only suggests that all I’ve said about my family must be true…)
But wait! I don’t want to admit this here!!! (I’m so far removed from them all, Frank, really I am!)
Thanks an enlightening lesson on fisking. LMAO!
Thank you for this post. I went immediately to the Republican National Committe website and made a contribution.
Thanks for the inspiration!
You have a sister? Ooh!
I moved here to the northen part of Arkansas a year ago when I retired. In this part of the state tha magarity of people are honest, God fearing, hard working Republican. They are all embarrest and disgusted that their state has been and continues to be draged through the muck by the clintons and would just as soon shoot them if they had the chance. Which is why the clintons stay down in that cespool Little Rock when they slither out this way.
A few months back, I got a letter that started:
“Since you have been such a great supporter of President Clinton in the past…”
They wanted me to contribute to the Clinton Lie-brary. I would have sent a the torn-up letter and a nasty note back except, the return envelope required a stamp.
I wasn’t wasting 37 cents on Clinton.
Absolutely hilarious!
Damn you, Frank! DAYAAAM YOUUUU!
I laughed so hard I snorted like a pig.
And spewed liquid through my nose.
eww.
Frank: thank you for the team you have created with me!!! i really hate john kerry but on the surface am pretending the money will go to him…really it will go to billary rodham clinton so that we ahem…she can take back the white house. john kerry’s a goober and i hate his guts, plus his face looks worse than mine…what a task that is!!!! i really hope you give to my cause cause i will double it in taxes…ahem i mean back to you ahem i mean hillary will….
oh btw i did not have sexual relations with your sister….ahem no really, seriously i ddin’t…
i’m billary clinton and i approve this message
By far the finest example of the art of fisking since it first debuted in the blogosphere! I wonder when Jimmy Carter is going to send out a similar mass e-mail.
Ilove you bill clinton I am 10 years old. my name is loren smith and im your biggest fan I love democrats. i wish you would call me sometime but your probably a busy man. anyway my phome number is [956]444-0615 and my adress is 1346 summerfield lane, and i love john kerry and john edwards there cool to. well try to right me back. but not right now because im in school in computer class and my computer is in the computer shop. im in 4th grade and the day is november the 18th Thursday. at 1:38 well if you want to call me you have my information. bye
please Mr.!…
I realy need Bill Clinton’s E-Mail..
Im from Kosova , a country He and US helped a lot but it is still hard living here. all i want is an opportunity to have a valid collage degree( military academy) but it is impossible to apply in US because im not a US citisen.
What country deserves my comitment more than US i realy want to have my dream( fly on F22) but also help US keep the word a safe place…
please tell me a way to contact him because i know he can help me…
thank you anyway
God Bless you….