In Arizona, a group of over 400 well-armed, patriotic citizens – mostly retired men – have taken it upon themselves to patrol the Mexican border to help the Border Patrol stem the tide of illegal immigrants.
Which is fine by me.
But what if their project succeeds and the border becomes secure? What will they do then? Just go home, sit on the couch, and ogle Baywatch reruns?
‘Twould be tragic.
Surely there are other projects available for a heat-packin’ mob of American Patriots. Projects like the ones in the extended entry:
Breast-feed kittens.
Clean out my refrigerator – assuming they’re trained in proper bio-hazard disposal techniques.
Storm the DNC offices and wrap everything in aluminum foil.
While they’re at the border, they can check the signal for Verizon – “øpuede usted ahora oírme?”
I hear Kamp Krusty’s looking for new counselors.
Revive the XFL. Maybe having guns involved will boost the ratings this time around.
Mormon Tabernacle Choir & Gun Show.
Form a brute squad to clear the caribou out of ANWR lest they try to murder Princess Crudeoilcup on her wedding day.
Go to Yankee Stadium and stand in line for the men’s bathrooms so that women will stop whining about how unfair it is that they have to wait forever to go potty.
Dress up as Indians and attend a Ward Churchill speech, where they can chant “Paleface speak with forked tongue!”
Show up at a Civil War re-enactment and help crush those rebels good & proper.
Tar & feather McCain & Feingold.
Make sure they register with the Federal Election Commission, first.
Celebrate Earth Day by scraping the filth off hippies and making Mother Earth whole again.
Go to a PeTA rally and stand around eating KFC.
Use the bones to spell out the words “People Eating Tasty Animals“.
If anything ever happens to Michael Moore, they can all start eating at McDonald’s every day to help soften the economic blow to the fast food industry.
Send ’em to France to make crop circles – just to screw with the Frogs’ heads.
“Sacre Bleu, Jacques! Aliens! We must surrender immediately!”
Answer CNN News polls – “This just in… Bush’s approval ratings are now at 100%!”
They can find Hollywood asshats who promised to leave America if Bush won in 2004 and help them pack.
By “help them pack”, I mean “pistol whip them”.
Fact check CBS memos
Or at least font check them.
So what would YOU do with 400+ heavily-armed American Patriots?
First!
I think I would add them to the local Minute Men to help with the re-enactment of the Battle of Lexington, on Patriots Day. Get some extra help kicking the Brit’s bums and chase them outta town.
Split them into east and west coast teams to fence off the blue areas.
Barbed wire and electricity.
Don’t forget Michigan!!
Alternately,
Send them out on monkey, ninja, and/or squirrel eradication missions.
about the breast feeding felines movement: seems that it’s caught on. with tigers.
open a gay brothel?
“Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Gun Show”??
LOL– it’s SO Utah!!!
“400+ heavily armed American patriots”? Sounds like a party here in Tennessee!
“Leave or I’ll call the Brute Squad.”
“I’m on the Brute Squad.”
“You are the Brute Squad.”
Burn Hillary at the stake.
I’d say they could round up Sarbanes and Oxley while they’re after McCain and Feingold… but that might be too geeky for anyone but me to appreciate. grin
sadly, Teresa, i understood your SOX reference. and amen.
Capture Mexico City (again).
Invade Canada… naw, too easy.
Open a tamale stand.
Could always have them hunt done a escort some of our more useless and whiney citizens such as Micheal Moore, Ted Rall, Dan Rather, ect. to the Mexican border and have an exchange.. One useless dumbass for one hard working mexican. Except for Michael Moore.. It would be more like one shaved stinky sasquatch of a man for 100 hard working mexicans.
Put them on boats and have them patrol the Florida Strait. Then send some to Niagara Falls, just in case the Canadians think of trying anything…
Two words, folks; Land mines.