Archive of entries posted on June 2007
Describing Harry
Harry Reid while speaking to our wacky friends form the left side of the blogosphere called Gen. Pace and Gen. Petraeus “incompetent” which seems like an odd judgment from the stellar human being Reid is. It made me think: What are some things to call Senator Reid?
THINGS TO CALL HARRY REID
* Incontinent
* Spineless
* Doddering
* Dimwitted
* Laugh-inspiring
* Wrinkly
* Corrupt
* Weak
* Sexually-confused
* Squishy
* Diarrhea-prone
* Flammable
* Suzy
That was fun! Why don’t you pick a politician and do your own list in the comments.
And be honorable about it, ronin.
UPDATE:
I should not the funniest thing about this story is how the muckadoos started sreeching that Reid never said such things. Apparently, they forgot he had said it. Throw them in jail like Scooter Libby!
America’s 2007 Corn Crop a “Failure”, Top Democrats Tell Bush
WASHINGTON (AP) – Top US congressional Democrats bluntly told President George W. Bush Wednesday that American farmers’ spring planting “surge” policy was a failure.
Senate Majority leader Harry Reid and House of Representatives Speaker Nancy Pelosi challenged the president over this year’s corn crop by sending him a letter, ahead of a White House meeting later on Wednesday.
“As many had forseen [sic], the springtime planting of seed corn has failed to produce the intended results,” the two leaders wrote.
“The increase in seeds in the ground has yet to produce a single edible ear of corn so far this year.
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“Far from fulfilling its promise of putting steaming, buttery ears on every table, this crazy planting scheme has done nothing so far but cost this country’s farmers most of last year’s profits, as well as causing them to spend all their time coddling these high-maintenance vegetables.
“Clearing the land, plowing, weeding, fertilizing, irrigating, spreading pesticides and herbicides – not to mention the over 1000 farmers that have lost their lives in unnecessary tractor deaths so far this year – when will the madness end?
“And what do we have to show for it? It’s already mid-June and not a single plant has borne fruit. In fact, if these trends continue, it’s safe to predict a nation-wide corn famine that will bring this country to its knees.”
The letter appeared to preview a fresh showdown over how to raise corn between ignorantly citified Democrats and the President, just a few weeks after Bush forced his foes to strip pre-autumn harvest timelines from a Department of Agriculture budget bill.
Pelosi and Reid told Bush in the letter that they planned to send him new legislation to “limit the attempted growth of corn in the US, begin the phased redeployment of US farmland, and bring the growing season to a responsible end.”
The next critical point in the showdown between Bush and Congress over the 2007 corn crop is expected in September, when US Secretary of Agriculture Mike Johanns is due to report on progress in the strategy to let the corn grow until at least October before attempting to harvest it.
However, one senior Republican speaking on condition of anonymity said he expected the president will have little choice but to make adjustments in the harvest schedule, once the report is made public.
“I know Bush means well,” he said, “but let’s be realistic. Since the spring planting ‘surge’ began, not one single corn farmer has grown anything but leaves.”
“I can’t see how another four or five months of continuing to follow this failed policy will lead to anything but more of the same,” he concluded.
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Fred Thompson Facts Site
Reader Sir Andrew of GOPedia has made a website to collect all the Fred Thompson facts. He’s also set it up to collect user submitted Fred Thompson facts (since I’m too busy for such things).
Frank Advice for Dealing with Bloggers
It’s been that the GOP now has tips for Republican politicians when dealing with bloggers. I never understand why they write this stuff without talking with me first. Anyway, here are some really good tips for dealing with bloggers I know from experience:
FRANK TIPS FOR REPUBLICAN POLITICIANS DEALING WITH BLOGGERS
* Don’t make sudden movements; this could startle bloggers and cause them post about how you’re over-hyped.
* An easy way to gain the trust of bloggers is to cat-blog, i.e., post pictures of cats. If you don’t own a cat because you’re a heterosexual male, just pretend you own one and grab some pictures from CatsThatLookLikeHitler.com.
* If having a meet and greet with bloggers, make sure to have it at night; bloggers are scared of sunlight.
* If while at a campaign event you smell something odd, vaguely familiar, but extremely disturbing but you can’t quite put finger on exactly what it is, that means a blogger from the DailyKos is there. Be careful; they bite!
* Be friendly with the top bloggers, but don’t let Glenn Reynolds near your puppy if he looks thirsty.
* Any time news breaks, first thing to do is to turn to the blogs so you know what the reactionaries are thinking.
* You can use YouTube to help get your message out, but considering what get the most views there it will help if you exercise some mad dance skills while giving your speech… or at least hit someone in the groin in a hilarious manner.
* Though it may seem like an economically sound plan, never mention the idea of replacing right wing bloggers with underpaid Mexicans.
* Though bloggers may seem different from you and your politician friends, you should at least be able to relate because of your shared inflated sense of self-importance.
(hat tip Conservative Grapevine)
I Have This Idea…
Using Their Crazy Against Them
When we are fighting an enemy who only wants to kill us because of their crazy beliefs, shouldn’t we use those crazy beliefs against them?
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Yeah, I can see you already rolling your eyes and saying, “This isn’t going to be about grinding up Muslim terrorists and feeding them to pigs again, is it?”
Well, yes, that is what this is about, and I’m going to keep repeating it until people listen!
Yes, I know, I get called a “heartless conservative” every time I bring this up since I don’t respect other cultures and I laugh when poor people get hurt (it’s funny because they don’t have health insurance), but it’s completely ludicrous we should have respect for the beliefs of those trying to kill us. If the same beliefs they use to justify trying to kill us also have something about pigs and damnation, shouldn’t we go for it? That’s why we should make it public knowledge that any terrorists we kill will get fed to pigs.
Some are going to worry that will offend the good Muslims, but shouldn’t the good Muslims have disowned the terrorists and be demanding we feed them to pigs for dragging the good name of their faith through the mud?
Others are going to worry about the health risks of grinding up people and feeding them to pigs. The simple solution to that is to have Mexicans do it. That’s what they’re here for: to do the jobs we don’t want to do.
That last concern I can think of is that how can we be sure everyone killed on the battlefield deserves the eternal damnation or whatever they’ll get from being fed to pigs. I have a little secret about that: God doesn’t actually care if your dead body gets ate by pigs or whatever; that’s just a silly belief they made up.
If we’re serious about a war on terror, than let’s use what’s available — including their own idiotic beliefs. One of these days someone needs to read the Qu’ran and see if there’s anything else useful in there.
IMAO Condensed: Conspiracy Theories
Fred Thompson “On Board” With Edwards’ “Marshall Corps”
RICHMOND (AP) – In response to John Edwards’ plan to “create a ‘Marshall Corps’ modelled on the military Reserves, of up to 10,000 expert professionals who will help stabilize weak societies,” presidential candidate-in-waiting Fred Thompson released a statement saying that he’s “on board” with Edwards’ vision.
Excited by the possibilities of the program, former Senator Thompson said that he’d like see the concept taken to the next level as soon as possible. The full statement was posted at the politician-turned-actor-turning-politician’s blog, as follows:
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“I am completely on board with John Edwards’ ‘Marshall Corps’ idea of sending bankers, political scientists, and civil engineers into unstable countries to prevent terrorism from taking root. However, I don’t think it goes far enough. It should be open to members of ALL civilian occupations, not just a few.”
“Here’s how I picture it – after joining, the courageous volunteers would shave their heads, spend a few months receiving combat & weapons training, then be deployed to unstable countries to reach out to those who are at risk of seduction by violent extremism. For maximum effectiveness, this reaching out should be done mostly with bullets, grenades, rockets, and other high-velocity/high-explosive projectiles.”
“I would call this expanded version of Edwards’ ‘Marshall Corps’ the ‘Massively Armed Response to Islamic Nutjob Extremists’ or ‘MARINE’ Corps.”
“If this program proved successful – which I have no doubt that it would – it could be augmented with:
* An off-shore outreach program: Nautical Assaults from Vengeful Yankees
* A complementary land-based group: Annihilating Radical Muslims – Yippee!
* And even a ‘friendly skies’ organization: Attacking Islamic Radicals by Firing Ordnance and Repeatedly Causing Extermination”
“I can guarantee that if these programs are implemented as I’ve discussed, the Western ideals of peace, democracy, and civilization will be joyously embraced throughout the world.”
“And if they aren’t… well, then let’s just say there’s plenty more outreach where that came from.”
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
Outrage!
Fred Thompson has a blog now, and I’m not on the blogroll! I know I shouldn’t tell Fred Thompson what to do, but whoever is responsible for this outrage should be obliterated using Fred Thompson’s Fred Thompson powers.
Let’s Reflect for a Moment on How Awesome America Is
According to this report from FoxNews.com, it looks like Asia is on the way to becoming one big sausage fest. Sometimes it seems like the entire world is completely screwed up except for the U.S. of A. We may have many problems of our own, but it’s good to take some time to reflect on how awesome America is:
ADVANTAGES AMERICA HAS OVER ALL OTHER COUNTRIES
* We’re the richest.
* We’re the smartest (we have the smartest people that is; I don’t give a rat ass what our average test scores are as long as we still get the cream of the crop).
* We’re the freest (freedom of speech — we invented the internet — freedom of self-defense, economic freedom, etc.).
* Our military can easily defeat any other military out there.
* We’re the most diverse.
* We respect women’s rights.
* We’re still serious enough a people to kill criminals who need a kill’n.
* We have the best TV shows and movies.
* Despite our wealth, we have lots of yummy cheap food (yay 99 cent menus!).
* Despite all our technological progress, we still have some of the best natural beauty in our national parks.
* We just generally kick ass.
* I live here.
What are your favorite awesome things about America?
Who Hasn’t Dreamed of Rolling Up a Newspaper and Hitting a Senator on the Head?
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The Senate is going to try and pass an amnesty bill again much like the dog is going to keep getting into the trash no matter how much you beat him the last time. That’s no good. We have to get it in all the Senators’ head that there is no touching amnesty until border security is taken care of. So what we need is someone in the Senate to smack the other Senators on the nose every time they stare at the trash bring up amnesty.
Now, I’m not familiar with Senate rules, but can someone make it his job to yell at the Senators anytime they stray from border security to amnesty?
SENATOR: We need to welcome our undocumented citizens and…
TRAINER: That doesn’t sound like that’s about border security. No amnesty crap until you handle border security.
SENATOR: Excuse me, but I’m a U.S. Senator, and immigrants…
TRAINER: You’re still not talking about border security.
SENATOR: Hey, the…
TRAINER: I swear, the next words out of your mouth better be either “fence,” “border patrol,” or “land mines” or you’re going to be spitting teeth!
He may need to physically strike some of the Senators, so he’ll have to check the Senate rules on that. If whoever reads the rules says that’s not allowed, he may have to physically strike that guy too.
I’ve always said politics could use more hitting.
