Iraq continues to be a serious problem, and the Bush administration has done nothing but increase the problem and cause unnecessary deaths. It is a mess, but I have a solution: I would never have gone there.
The Iraq War will be a big problem to inherit, but it would not be if we hadn’t have gone there. That’s why that is my solution. People ask me, “Won’t leaving Iraq now be abandoning the Iraqi people?” Well, it wouldn’t be abandoning them if we hadn’t had gone there. “What about a civil war?” others ask, to which I say there would be no civil war if Saddam were still in charge because we didn’t go to Iraq. As you can see, not having gone to Iraq easily solves all these problems.
As for Al Qaeda in Iraq, I don’t think they would be a problem if we hadn’t had gone. Maybe they already were there and working with some support from Saddam, but I still think not having gone there is a risk worth taking. You may worry about all the terrorists there and whether they have intentions for attacking America, but you wouldn’t if we hadn’t had gone.
Senator John McCain questions whether I have experience enough to deal with Iraq, but the fact is that he’s old. No one faints at his rallies… unless they forgot their heart medication because they’re as old as he is. And I do have experience: Experience at not going to war. That’s why not having gone to Iraq is the perfect solution for me. It’s one I’m uniquely able to espouse and have been consistent on. Years ago I said we shouldn’t invade Iraq, and that is still my solution.
A few have said that not going to Iraq isn’t a solution anymore since we already have gone there. I hear your concern and I have three words for you: Hope. Change. The future.
That’s right: The future. And not just any future; a future where we look forward and say, “We shouldn’t have gone to Iraq.”
Barack Obama is a U.S. Senator from Illinois who enjoys nap time and finger painting. He is running for president.
So in the future, we can change the past… What about the present? How do we change that? Quick, someone get Doc Emmett Brown and the Dolorean! But Michael J. Fox is a liberal lunatic! This’ll never work!!!
You know Frank, it’s not much of a parody if it’s something the individual would feasibly say, given the opportunity. I am willing to overlook that for the moment, however. And I would just like to say this – I don’t know if Iraq was the best place to go after Afghanistan, but I do know that our kick-ass military is killing terrorists, or insurgents, or whatever you want to call them, in Iraq. And I have to think that anytime our military is engaged in killing terrorists, that’s a good thing, even more so when it’s not on American soil. Now, I know that Barack would rather end the war in Iraq, let all his militant muslim peeps in the country, give them citizenship, make them a protected class, and allow them to exercise their cultural and religious beliefs by regularly blowing up shopping malls, but I can’t get behind that. So, in summary; killing terrorists – good, Barack Obama – the end of days. Thank you for your time.
If Barack had been POTUS instead of Bush, we would have been too involved in Hopeful Change to get into a war with Iraq! I’m hopeful that change will happen for the future with Obama because he stands for Change for the future which brings hope for change for a hopeful future of change and hope for the future of hope and change for a future of hopefulness and change!
You’re hopeless.
Ya know, I got first place in Current Events for TAPPS (Texas Association of Private and Perochial Schools) so now I have to go to Austin for state. Reading some of these scary realistic editorials makes me have serious doubts if I’m actually more qualified than Shotgun Fisher. Not saying that as a “yay me” kind of thing but an “oh no him.”
Haha! Love it!
Vote for me, or I won’t let you crackers use my keen time machine!
HA! Nap time and finger painting. Seems to like Kool Aid, pep rallies, and wishes that teachers would crack down harder on bullies that pick on his ears and his middle name.
My apologies, ussjc, I need to Change my statement to one of Hope. You’re not “Hopeless.” What I meant was that what you’re Hoping for is Hopeless. You should Change your Hope to one of Change. Hope for Change isn’t enough. One must actually Change from Hoping for Change to Changing for Hope. I Hope you understand this message for a Change.
Once Obama is president he has us all hold hands and hope so fiercely that we bend the very fabric of space and time. This hope energy bends space-time enough for Obama to enter Saddam’s body in 2002. But there was just not enough hope power for Obama to get back out so he ends up trapped inside the dictator’s body! Back in 2003 everyone is surprised that Saddam can suddenly speak English in his interview with Dan Rather but Dick Cheney says it is a trick to hide WMDs so Bush invades anyway. Obama ends up drying with his middle name now his last. History remains unchanged.
If only if only #10
After being in the hands of Osamabama Hope has changed it’s name and moved out of town. Change is hoping for new and better candidates for POTUS but is thinking about changing it’s address to Pitcairn Island.
So hope and change have moved on. What now mighty leader? I don’t this plan has been very well thought out.
I kinda understand your message, Jimmy. I also heard that John McCain has apologized for Frank’s column this afternoon…
Pitcairn Island? There are thousands of better islands to choose from, seanmahair. I hear the residents there are a little inbred.
Oh, and ussjc, I, for one, back your candidacy for Secretary of No Buggerin’.
If Sarcasm Man is right and Obama has a time machine, maybe we won’t have to withdraw from Iraq. And maybe his father won’t have to withdraw, either.
It was the first one that came to mind and change doesn’t mind the occasional inbred individual. Just as long as they don’t start channeling Osamabama, all will be well.
This is the funny blog. lol.
If nominated, I will serve and I promise that the United States will be a No Buggerin’ zone…unlike Canada!
And maybe his father won’t have to withdraw, either.
#15 – Posted by: Jimmy on February 28, 2008 02:18 PM
Don’t you mean his father will withdraw sooner and not be his father afterall?
I just thought of an actual Osama Accomplishment:
He beat Hillary Clinton. I believe he is the only politician to ever do that. Granted, it has been in a bunch of primaries where the race is to see who can channel Che Guevara the best but still.
echo5a – I meant it sarcastically, as in maybe his father won’t have to withdraw to spare us the disaster of his presidency. But you’re right, it probably should read “but his father will have to withdraw.” But this would cause an endless time loop / paradox. We’d wake up one morning and find ourselves with no President Obama. Hey!
I’d like to take this opportunity to formally apologize for anything that this blog has ever said or will ever say against SENATOR Obama! Going forward we will only refer to Senator Obama as SENATOR Obama and we will never EVER say anything negative about SENATOR Obama!
Senator John McCain
Jimmy, #15: I just hope Hillary doesn’t withdraw … from the race, that is. I mean to say I hope she doesn’t withdraw from the race for the nomination, not from the human race.
And I want to make it clear that I am not talking about Obama withdrawing from the race. Nor do I feel the need to specify which race I would be talking about if I were talking about Obama withdrawing from a race, which I am not now doing.
#22 and #23 sounds like victims of some kind of weird, anti-post-retroactive change-over.
And (disillusioned) people say there’s no difference between McCain and Obama. Bah!
Oh, and here, too.
Both excellent articles, well worth a read. Scared the crap out of me/made me want to cry; respectively.
Is there any UNintelligent life on this blog-sitE?
#26 Occasionally there are some unintelligent types here at IMAO. Sometimes we screw up, sometimes we get hit by a big bag of duh but most often if you see something unfunny and unintelligent it’s a troll.
Trolls occasionally wander in. They try to create havoc but as chaos is the chosen vehicle here it doesn’t usually slow things down. They’re more like pot holes as opposed to speed bumps. Some of our resident trolls are more persistent but they provide the examples for some of our arguments, so it’s all good.
once again, brilliant senator obama. just brilliant.
your statement: “I have experience not going to war” equals ” I don’t care who all died on 911″
it doesn’t matter whether or not nucs were found. they attacked us. what more proof does anyone need that these guys intend absolutely severe harm to us? and if we don’t standup for ourselves and stop them we are going to get more of or worse than 911.
Duh.
what do you have to be or not to be to FAIL to care that good people are miserably slaughtered because some sect of nutto headed, convoluted black hearts want good, innocent people dead?!?!?
Mccain is right, quit calling you Hussein. …….because Lobotomy is by far more fitting!!!!
The scary part is, this is the only statements he’s given on the Iraq war. All the others are coontradictory. Like He knows he can’t leave until 2013, but he’ll start leaving in 60 days.
Okay, let’s make this official. After Obama becomes president, and through gross ineptitude brings about the nuclear apocalypse, which I shall hereafter refer to as the barackalypse, I will inevitably become a zombie. And when I come after you to devour brains you have my permission, nay my blessing, to blow me back to kingdom come with the weapon of your choice. I have consulted with several attorneys, and you may rest assured that this post represents a contract, legal and binding.
Yes, juggernaut, that’s nice of you and all, but what if a time machine gets involved and they come back to blow your brains out before you get zombified because in their time you are, of course, already zombified? Or, what if they just SAY they have a time machine, etc.? BTW, would Czech zombies be czombies?
And ‘barakalypse’ — I’m going to walk around muttering that and sniggering for a week! Darn you to heck!
Barak,
Good post. Prop’s. Could of mention how Bush stole election’s two times, but. Overall good post.
Plus your whole thing about going to the doctor. How we’re going to get to go to the doctor free. That rock’s. Plus hope. Like the whole deal.
My whole thing is the hair. Could you grow it longer? Do something with it. Just saying. The whole suit/short hair thing is already old. It was old Super Tuesday to be honest. Sorry don’t shoot the messanger. Don’t get me wrong, TOTALY voting for you in are election. But just saying.
This really isn’t that funny, as it’s far too close to the truth. Skip a couple lines about John McCain being old and him mentioning fainting women at his rallies, and I could believe Obama actually said these words.
#31
Damn my eyes! I always forget to factor in the time machines. A time machine is sure to be my downfall. Well, that or heart disease. Of course, there’s also a lot of cancer in my family. And I work in a high-priority target area for terrorists, so I could be blown up. But anyway, if those other things don’t prove my downfall, one of those damned time machines surely will.
“Sherman, set the wayback machine…”
It is easy to rewrite the past-just ask any Kossack.
They have already rewritten the past to say the KKK was a conservative organization, the NAZI party consisted of right-wingers, and that Communists/Socialists never hurt anyone.
The most recent one was that George Wallace, former Governor of Alabama, Racist and life-long Democrat was actually a Republican.
#25
thanks for the ‘here’ link.
the ‘you people scare me’ sig, to me, is saying you don’t like these guys/gals goofin’ off with conservative views?……it’s rather like saying steve martin and/or SNL scares you……or maybe i misunderstand.
Brilliant satire. Obama is pretty sensitive and his repsonse to this hit from McCain seemed petty and like it got under his skin and he was trying to return the insult to McCain for fronting him. Like lawyers who get together to play basketball and try to “be street.” McCain was making fun of Obama and it got to him.
Responding only to headline: My solution to any war is if you are going in there, go in to win and finish. Then comes peace. Stop letting the bleeding hearts corrupt the war strategies. Just get the job done and come home. To come home without doing the job is to open yourself to assult. This ‘we’ll be nice, so you be nice, okay?’ assumption is ludicrously perilous. Close your eyes and the bad guy will leave thinking will get you killed, maimed, raped or plundered. Again, let war be war and peace be peace. Stop trying to intermingle the two. You only set the table for failure. Go in and finish the job. What is collateral damage, anyway? If you’re on our side, help or get out of the way. Think that bad strategy? Well, I suggest you turn the table for a moment and imagine them here with the power. Then, thank God they haven’t the power — yet. And perhaps never IF WE STOP THEM NOW. To what end do you make this a politcal skirmish?
ps If it is not a war, drop everything, come home and save our energy and resources for the real thing. You didn’t know there was an ecological side to war, did you?
I kept swooning reading that!
“I hear your concern and I have three words for you: Hope. Change. The future.”
Hey dumbass, Hope. Change. The future is four words. . .HTH
#41
you may be teasing but post 39 was very sexy.
Ew.
Finally! A blog filled with normal people!
Obama- he GET’S IT.
And now for an end-of-thread rant by compugor:
When it comes to war, just as in the sport of boxing, the old adage some of us may have heard is true: “The best defense is a good offense.” The 43rd president of the United States George W. Bush took America’s national security to a new level with a new strategy in an age-old war, with the doctrine of preemption.
When all the political in-fighting about Iraq is history, and even Ted Kennedy is no longer in office, the Bush Doctrine will be hailed as the philosophical turning point in our civilization’s triumph over the evil that would destroy us.
For now it just hasn’t sunk in yet.
Witness the latest exchange in the presidential campaign of ’08. On the wrong side, also known as the left, ignorant minions rally around Barack Obama whose national security policy is to tell the enemy in advance that we will surrender, and then do so by precipitously pulling out all troops from Iraq. He states that if the enemy (Al Q’aida) shows up in Iraq he would attack them. Can you believe that? Anyway, so John McCain, not the sharpest knife but at least in the right drawer, points out to Obama and his sycophants that Al Q’aida is already in Iraq. Duh. So Barack Hussein Obama comes back (to enthusiatic applause of course) with “Al Q’aida wouldn’t be in Iraq if George Bush and John McCain (et al) hadn’t invaded…”.
BINGO! His eyes open!?! Hallelulia!?!
Not so fast. Almost, but they just don’t get it: Taking the warfront to Iraq while removing Sadaam Hussein was, well, awesomely brilliant. Even while Bush himself has done a lousy job of articulating the case such that one wonders if he himself even realizes the forthright efficacy of his actions, we are annihilating our mortal enemies over there! And even as the politics will pale to pettiness over time, for now the loudest rhetoric is that of Bush Derangement Syndrome reinforced with the philosophy of the likes of Code Pink and Moveon.org.
How soon they have forgotten 9-11. What a wake-up call that was. With intelligence and military infrastructure decimated by the Clinton era, we were caught asleep at the wheel by unrelenting enemies sworn to destroy us. And nuclear threats are looming. How soon they have forgotten the videotaped beheading of Daniel Pearl, representative of the disgusting, depraved evil we face. The same evil that runs over a 5-year-old boy’s arm with a truck as a penalty for stealing food out of hunger.
They just can’t credibly argue any longer against the critical importance of the establishment of a stable government in Iraq, and the righteousness of U.S. military involvement there.
What our society’s legacy will be remains to be seen. Let us not forget that it is our very way of life at stake. Let us pray that we come together to prosecute this war with continued restraint but winning force, with accountability but determined offense, to prevail for us all rather than pander to the misled meek among us.
It’s not that they’ve forgotten 9/11. They just never got it in the first place. Too much of America has the attention span of an MTV video, and this portion of the population is easily swayed to the left.
“You’re gonna gimme stuff? All I gotta do is check the donkey? Well, ok, if I have time and ‘pop up videos’ isn’t on.”
These people are oblivious to anything that doesn’t have their attention right at this moment. Most of them don’t remember the 1993 WTC bombing, or if they do most don’t connect it with Al Queda. Too many people have been convinced by the left and their media mouthpieces that all the world’s problems started when George Bush “stole” the 2000 election.
Now it’s just about “mean ole stupid George Bush and his Republican buddies wanna stop us from giving everybody free health care and we’d have plenty of money if we weren’t spending it all on bombs.”
Wait, that cool commercial is on again. Oh, look, a bird!
#47
Truly, a brilliant dialogue!!!