More Operation Helpful Idiot suggestions for your reading pleasure. Actual authors may claim credit in the comments if they choose.
You may safely assume that all typos were intentional.
Dear WE,
Ever since my girlfriend took me to see “An Inconvienient Truth” there has been no issue so important to me as global Warming. I’m so glad there is a place where like minded individuals can get to gether for change. My hope is that we cn make a difference to help stop the effects of Global Warming.
There is a lot WE should be doing, and our government run by Bushitler and his cronies like Dirk Kempthorne and Robert Gates aren’t doing enough. We’ve desimated two countries for oil. Now we are sucking up all of the earth’s resources to keep Bush’s war machine rolling. And what of the people in these countries we invade? They resort to terroisim and opium growing as their only means of providing for their families.
If we are going to spend over 150 billion this year on war, and have our shock troops invading every country they find a can of oil in, can’t we get them to at least try to minimlize their carbon foot print? (I don’t know how much fuel a Battle tank uses, but it’s got to be a lot.) If the Millitary could convert all their vehicles from Unleaded gas to ethanol that would atleast help. Also maybe we could start ethanol programs in these countries to help their economy. Growing corn is better than making Heroin. I read somewhere that Iraq used to be a very fertile area. But I read that in the bible, and if I believed everything in that book I wouldn’t be voting for a black man come this November.
If you guys are putting up suggestions please keep mine in mind. I love thinking new way to be green.
WE care about CLEAN AIR
Jamie “windsong” Dayspring
WE:
I wanted to encourage you keep fighting the good fight! If you can bring Al Sharpton and Pat Robertson together to combat the lies comng from the Conservative Noise Machine, then together WE can all bring globull warming to its knees!
In that vein, I have a possible suggestion to help us all fight the good fight…
Everyone in my circle of friends knows that co2 is caused by humans expelling their breath into the atmosphere. Well, what would happen if we coordinated with, like, TicTacs to invent a breath scrubber mint that can reduce the level of co2 emited by peeple by 60%?! There are 6 billion people on the planet, and if each person ate 10 TicTac scrubbing mints, that’d be 60 billion TicTacs per year. We could share the profits with TicTac and have lots more money at our disposal to evangelize about climate changings. My mom said it’s a great idea, so I thought I’d share it with you.
Thanks for listening, and together WE can kill co2 furever!
Ron Paul ’08!!!,
Apolo Creide
I am so happy about the WE porject! Our Earth is dying.
I think that our govurment should do something to cut c02 omissions by at least 80 percent.
They should force people to ride bicicles and use mass transit. Business should not be able to polute at all. They could put people in jail for not recycling or driving a car or pulluting. then the people we put in jail could be forced to pedal bicicles that genurate electricity.
Keep on keeping on
Aires Lovetree
Kucinich for president!
Like those? Say so.
Think you can do better? Then do so.
Submit your Helpful Idiot suggestion for stopping evil climate change to the WEtard contact page, then send a copy to me at WEsistance@gmail.com for possible future publication at IMAO (if it doesn’t suck too terribly bad).
Ethanol running tanks!!! Cool! Now we can kill terrorists, and starve poor people at the same time.
What I love about this is that most of them are less crazy than the median submission, so they can’t even pick out the planted items. Awesome.
Love the tic tacks suggestion, and the Rocky reference.
The forced slave labor to save the planet is great as well. WE’ll arrest all these people that are hurting the earth and CONSENTRATE them in one place. What do you think we should call the camps?
You got it James, they’re beyond parody.
Parody has the need to be at least plausible, Global Warmmongers don’t feel that need.
Stupid crap like this is why I’m an active member of the WEsistance. Click my name to follow the link.
http://www.greenbiz.com/news/2008/07/07/cars-california-global-warming-score
This is too funny! And what makes it even funnier is, like James said, the sincere submissions are just as crazy or crazier! I can imagine someone at WE reading that TicTac idea and actually calling them:
WE: Hi, TicTac? This is [insert stupid hippie name here] over at WE. WE have a great idea WE would like to share with you…. blah blah….
TicTac: Uh, yeah… sure, we’ll get right on that… CLICK!
And perhaps one of those WEtards could explain to us how pillaging helpless third world countries for their oil (they really believe this too) hasn’t lowered oil prices anywhere in the world? Are they saying we should pillage more oil?
NO Paul, Duhhh
That is a ploy by Bushitler and his buddies at Haliburton to make more money by rapeing Gia. Do you know how much Haliburton makes a year off oil. Billions!!!
The solution is to bring Bush before an international court for war crimes. Daily Kos has all the evidence we need. Get rid of coal powerplants and instantly replace them with Windpower and solar power plants. The government hasn’t done this because of the Money that the oil companies pay the politions, except Obama. barak takes no money from any lobiest, or any kind of energy company. If you dont believe me check out the Huffington Post and His web site! That’s where you’ll find the Truth instead of comming to come stupid Conservitive blog, IMAO What’s that supposed to mean.
Earth first1!!11!
I sent this one today, July 7, 2008. (I think it might be obvious that it’s a fake though.)
I think WE is absolutely stupendiferous. I love my planet so much. She is our mother, and now in her old age we shouldn’t just put her in a nursing home. We should let her live with us. But if she gets too senile and leaves the oven on while she goes outside to take a shower in the park sprinklers I think I might let Uncle Walty look after her for a little while. One person can only do so much after all.
Anyway, my idea for climate solution is a national no energy day. Everyone would just refuse to use any energy. I told that idea to my boyfriend Minkus, and he pointed out a problem which was that not everyone would participate and there would be no ultimate impact. So what I propose is that the government sets a national energy day at least once a week that is mandatory. Lets say Monday since that’s probably the biggest driving day of the week. No one would be allowed to drive on mondays. Anyone caught on the road would be ticketed… and to make the tickets effective we shouldn’t use flat rates but percentages of income. So the ticket should be 10 % of a person’s yearly income. That way if a guy that makes 40,000 a year gets ticketed he has to pay 4,000 and if a guy that makes a billion a year then he has to pay… like a bazillion or something. I’m not good at math. These stupid pig cops don’t do anything but sit around on their asses eating doughnuts all day and supressing my liberty by trying to chop down my favorite Berkeley trees, anyway. So why not have them do something useful like ticketing people for using electricity.
Plus no one would be allowed to sell gas on mondays. Which would increase the supply, and they would be subject to the same kinds of fines as drivers. We would shut down all of the power plants too, just to make sure no one is cheating. Minkus said something about, like what about people who are hooked up to life support or something like that. What a goof.
Maybe this would encourage people to do something useful for a change. Like they could ride their bicycle door to door and pass out those cool new light bulbs that last for like 30 years and reduce carbon output. Or someone could like pass out some kind of air filtration mask that takes all the carbon out of the air people breathe. It would be sooooo cool. It would be like living inside the game Fallout 3, except without all the radioactive monster-zombie things and stuff. Dude, that would like totally freak me out if Tessy’s boyfriend Shaman jumped out of a closet with a filtration mask on. I’d totally crap my pants… and then I’d take that crap outside to fertilze my flower garden. Don’t flush your resources down the toilet people!
And then eventually we could work our way up to 2 no energy days a week, and then 3 until we don’t even need electricity anymore. And then everybody would be happy and we could all gather around a big banquet table, and my roomate Tessy could do her trick where she shoots ping pong balls out of her….
Oh by the way did I tell you about how much I love Obama. I think he’s soooo totally hot. Like seriously I’d push him up against a wall and take that boy to town. MMMMMmmmmm…. yummy. John McCaine is so totally not hot. He doesn’t even know how to move his arms. He’s definately not in touch with the earth mother… and plus he’s killed people in Vietnam so that makes him a murderer. And plus he’s just like Bush, cause ummm… well I’m not sure why but Obama seems to think he is… Obama is a hotty… so anyway. Maybe I can get Obama to have a threesome with me and Minkus. What do you think? Would Obama go for that? I don’t know he seems like he swings.
What was I saying before? Oh that’s right, how to save the earth. Ummm… oh yeah outlaw electricity and stuff. That’s right. Totally awesome. If people don’t want to help the planet we should force them to. People shouldn’t be able to be free if that means that polar bears have to die. Polar bears have freedom too, you know? Like Minkus told me that he went to the zoo one time and he put his face up against the glass and the polar bear came up to it and nuzzled him. How cute is that? Although after that a spotted owl got into his cage and he ripped it to pieces. So that polar bear is a murderer just like John McCaine and he hates endangered species. But the rest of the polar bears deserve some protection right? Anyway… Tessy says that there’s a protest tonight. We’re gonna picket people who crumple their toilet paper rather than fold it. Thanks again WE for making such a difference. I hope you use some of my ideas.
Your soul sista,
Starchild Moonbeam
VOTE OBAMA 08.
Isn’t Windsong the name of a perfume?
Better watch out for the trademark police.
How about something like this:
“Ive become incredably worried about global warming. Like, if the globe warms too much, Al Gore said all the polar bears will die. But then again, PETA said people should stop being meat-eaters cause that would stop global warming. But Polar bears eat meet to. Since my life partner and me already only eat organic (or as she says, “more like orgasmic” lol!) locally grown fruits, veggies and grains, maybe we should move to make the polar bears not eat meeat anymore. Like, teach them how good tofu is. Like, we love it! so why can’t bears? I mean, someone should be able to make tofu taste like fish or whatever polar bears eat. Then the government could send ships and plains and trains up north to antarctica filled with tofu to feed the polar bears. Maybe some alfalfa, beans, and rice too! That would help stop global warming, right?
Gaia Earthflower
The point on the tank… IIRC, an M1A1 MBT has a fuel capacity of 504.4 gallons, and a range of just over 200 miles, on flat, paved surfaces. It also kicks the living sh*t out of bad guys at over 4000 meters with it’s 120mm main gun. (I know it really doesn’t matter, but whenever someone asks about tanks or says something, I feel the need to state what facts I can remember about them. Hoooah.)
WE the people!
Thank u so much for finaly taking action in the face of global warming! The conservative hate machin is trying to say that just cuz its getting colder doesnt mean its getting warmer, but WE know the truth!
Climate change is here and thats why WE need to use that change to our advantage!!! Rite now the goverment takes a sales tax but it gives some change back. I think since all the very scientistic papers I read in the newspaper say they cost so much a realy small step to take would be to make it so all sales tax took purchases down to the next dollar too! That would save us CARBON from carrying all the extra change around in vehicles and could make us MILLIONS for the cause. Then WE can make major change! Bush will be helples!
AL GORE FOR VP
Rosa Flores
Also the M1 series tank runs on JP8 (jet fuel) not gasoline. Early M1, or what are known as slick M1 with the British 105 riffled main gun ran on diesel. Current M1 series tanks can run on diesel, but it isn’t nearly as efficient. But you could use the smoke generators then (Which are kinda useless anyway.)
I seem to remember reading that M1A1’s can burn just about about any hydrocarbon that will pour. Is it just a question of greater efficiency with more highly refined fuels? (After all, isn’t JP-8 just a highly refined kerosene or diesel fuel?)