Random Thoughts

I hope CNN soon fact checks the “More Cowbell” sketch as there are huge inaccuracies in it about the Blue Oyster Cult.

Maybe CNN could team with RiffTrax and do a fact-checking commentary of Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.

“CNN found no baseball team with player names like Who, What, or I Don’t Know. This was most likely propaganda based on fear of immigrants.”

CNN Fact Check: “At no point in history has England had a Ministry of Silly Walks.”

CNN Fact Check: “Bruce Dickinson was actually quite neutral on the inclusion of cowbell in songs he produced.”

CNN Fact Check: “It is unlikely a motivational speaker who lived in a van down by the river would be able to acquire those speaking jobs.”

CNN Fact Check: “Scientist still don’t understand enough about a chicken’s brain to know for certain its motivation in crossing a road.”

CNN Fact Check: Sean Connery has never been on Jeopardy and actually has high regard for Alex Trebek’s mother.”

CNN Fact Check: “There is no such job as Assistant Crack Whore, so the idea it replaced Crack Whore as world’s worst job is false.”

CNN Fact Check: “James Earl Jones is not in fact an expert on what is and isn’t CNN.”

CNN Fact Check: “It is unclear how Kramer could afford an apartment in Manhattan, bringing in to question much of the show’s premise.”

Puppy Tip: Keep your puppy away from popular bloggers who are obsessed with blenders.

Puppy Tip: “Shake well before using” is not an actual instruction on puppy care.

Puppy Tip: A puppy should be at least nine weeks old before being used in a juggling act.

Puppy Tip: Discipline and consistency are the best ways to keep your puppy from becoming disillusioned and joining a terrorist sleeper cell.

Puppy Tip: If your puppy has a prehensile tail, it may in fact be a monkey. Destroy with fire.

Puppy Tip: Exercise! A tired puppy is a puppy who can’t be plotting your murder.

Puppy Tip: Give your puppy a job to do, such as carrying a pack on a walk or guarding the entrance to the underworld.

Puppy Tip: It’s okay to be verbally abusive to your puppy as long as you do it in a happy tone.

Puppy Tip: Never make fun of your puppy’s lack of a soul.

50 Comments

  1. CNN fact check of Caddyshack: (1) it is highly unlikely that a retarded groundskeeper could acquire high-powered plastic explosives, (2) it is equally unlikely that a gopher could outsmart a retarded groundskeeper armed with high explosives.

    CNN fact check of Holy Grail: (1) A swallow could never carry a coconut, (2) British Knights never said ‘nee,’ (3) there is no truth to the legend of carnivorous rabbits.

    CNN fact check of Animal House: This film was completely accurate. One of the greatest Dramatic depictions of college life in the 1960’s.

  2. Puppy Tip: When house training your puppy, patience is the key. Taking them outside and squeezing them like a tube of toothpaste is both cruel and illegal in most states and some parts of Texas.

  3. OT random news…

    From The Register, “the Chicago Surrealist Movement” have started a petition…

    The organisers of the petition claim that the space agency is turning unspoiled lunar wilderness into a “firing range” for space weapons, and that US “imperialists” intend to colonise the moon “without regard for ecosystems or indigenous peoples”.

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/10/07/stop_nasa_bombing_the_moon/

    We’re doomed.

  4. Puppy tip: If you are a blogger and your dog has puppies, you must disclose them, since they are compensation that your dog pays to you.

    Whether or not disclosure will take the form of mailing some of their droppings to the FTC is yet to be determined.

  5. Puppy Tip: Discipline and consistency are the best ways to keep your puppy from becoming disillusioned and joining a terrorist terrier sleeper cell.

    Crimeny! Over 30 comments, and nobody did that one yet!

    It’s so obvious – IMAO readers must have tremendous self-restraint. (Except for me, I guess)

  6. CNN has confirmed that the puppy blending suspect does indeed say “Ahhhhh, the paws that refreshes.” Every. Single. Time.

    CNN Fact Check: Fox News has not cleaned our clock. In fact, our clock is filthy.

  7. Pingback: IMAO Random Thoughts « SCAAC

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