Global warming has become so erratic due to human activity that computer models can not successfully predict its effects… or even whether the earth will get warmer. Yet people are still ignoring the problem. Thus everyone at Copenhagen is working on new claims of disasters caused by global warming to capture the world’s imagination.
BRAND NEW EFFECTS OF GLOBAL WARMING CLAIMED BY COPENHAGEN
* You know how dry deserts are? Well, now they’re even more drier.
* Lack of foliage is reducing the ninja’s native habitat: the shadows.
* American presidents are becoming increasingly incompetent.
* Rain clouds are becoming sentient.
* The heat is affecting scientists’ brains, causing them to write incriminating e-mails.
* Pit bulls are getting angrier and increasingly right-wing.
* Al Gore will soon snap completely and kiss random people in invasive ways when on camera.
* Wetlands are turning from wet to just sticky.
* Due to loss of habitat, more polar bears are turning to armed robbery.
* Rabbits, instead of multiplying, are exponentiating.
* Rainforests are being populated with even more creatures voiced by Robin Williams.
* Joblessness rate continues to rise for glaciers.
Less football and hockey, more ghey soccer and boring baseball.
The horror. The horror.
Rain storms are expected to raise their prices.
* Causing more and more Americans to buy ammo, cling to bibles, march in tea party protests and want to throw the bums out.
(Hmmm. These might only be related to the claim of global warming. If that’s true, then if the claims of global warming were to decrease, so would these symptoms – a testable hypothesis!! We’ll start by throwing the bums out.)
All moon nuking to be put on hold indefinitely.
Cause, you know…nukes create heat, and stuff.
Puxatawney Phil will now signal 6 more weeks of winter by sticking his paw out and giving everyone the finger.
The swallows will not return to Capistrano, but will instead head to Vegas for the shrimp cocktails.
The world could suffer catastrophic climate change even if there is a deal at Copenhagen, scientists have warned. O_O
The U.N. estimates the 12-day conference will create 40,584 tons of carbon dioxide equivalents…..
All I know is, a mere 8 hours ago it was 29 degrees and now it’s 37, that’s pretty catastrophic, how will the snow survive??? Obviously these people are right about everything just like they were in the 70s when they invented CO2 to save us from the ice age, their only mistake was they made too much so now the solution is to bankrupt the world to fix it. You deniers are just jealous of the really smart people.
In case there was any doubt these people are completely nuts:
“Does a fish have carbon foot print? The answer is yes – and if you want to eat a climate friendly fish trout would be a good option.
A new report from AgroTech shows that the Global Warming Potential (GWP) from the production of smoked trout fillets lies at the low end of the scale.”
* Global Warming scientists are beginning to crap pure carbon
nanotubesmacrotubes.*Global warming will make Steven Speilburg and George Lucas produce a movie that doesn’t suck.
*It’s so hot the hair plugs will melt out of Biden’s head, and Nancy Pelosi’s face will melt.
*The shrimp will be caught pre-boiled. Yummy.
“Nancy Pelosi’s face will melt”
I thought only the Arc of the Covanant could do that.
Anthropomorphic Global Warming is Changing Al Gore into ManBearPig
AGW is causing environmentalists to come to Copenhagen in Private Jets and Limosines.
AGW is responsible for Sudden Jihad Syndrome
AGW is responsible for Atlantis being sunken even further into the sea.
It will be so much warmer, that the coat and scarf industries will collapse, thus leading to an even worse economy.
Ear “hair” growth is exploding
Mid-day temperatures are so high, more and more people need a siesta
Dehydration is becoming so acute in diary cows, they’re produce cheese whiz rather than milk
An egg can actually be fried now, on top of Waxman’s head
The human race will become extinct as testicular temps raise and spermatozoa die
* Al Gore is thinking seriously of returning to Divinity School (run by Barack Hosanna).
You don’t want to know what happens when the rabbits start taking partial derivatives and doing fast Fourier transforms.
The paint we pay bureaucrats to watch dry is drying faster!
Global warming denying snuff-dippers reject Copenhagen, switch to Skoal.
The polar bears are adapting to AGW.
http://www.slagoon.com/charactr/thornton.html
AGW will kill off most of humanity. Somewhere in his basement, Paul Ehrlich as a “Mission Accomplished” banner waiting to be hoisted by the surviving Malthusians when that goal is met.
The rashes on ass are heavily increased!!!
* People will keep referring to AGW as Anthropomorphic, rather than Anthropogenic.
Since AGW is booming the cat population, I wonder if the “A” should stand for Alf.
Global Warming will cause non-BCS teams to play in BCS bowls. Mark my words!
The University of Texas will have to adopt a more burnt shade of burnt orange as its school color.