There are two types of Winter Olympic sports: Curling and crap I don’t watch.
Oh, I guess there’s a third: Stuff with guns in it.
Someone once asked me what are the rules to curling. There are none. It’s pure chaos with brooms.
Curling is a sport where women are actually at an advantage since they’re more used to sweeping.
You may think I’m overhyping curling, but that is not possible.
Let’s put it this way, if you don’t like curling, I want to see your birth certificate to prove you’re an American citizen.
Did you like Miracle on Ice? Imagine ten times that excitement every match. That’s curling.
Curling is fun for the whole family — if you’re a family of rabid grizzly bears! It’s that badass!
I can’t take We Are the World seriously. It’s just over indulgent treacle for all the stars involved and looks like a parody.
Nike is branching out and releasing its own brand of laxatives. Slogan: “Just poo it.”
They should add guns events other than skiing. Think how challenging it would be to hit targets after spinning around in figure skating.
“Oooooh Canada… You’re kinda just there…”
Canada is great if you’re not quite ready to be an American and need training wheels.
So is the Winter Olympics the elitist Olympics, since lots of poor countries don’t have snowy winters?
I’m sorry, but country names shouldn’t have an “and” in them. Be one or the other.
Maybe France and Germany can combine into one country called France and Germany.
Finland sounds like it should be the birthplace of Aquaman.
Shouldn’t by now they’ve changed the name of “Great Britain” to “Britain.”
Israel is who I root for after America since them winning pisses off the most people. That’s what competitive sports is about.
That’s kinda cool that Canada is openly going for the largest medal count. I’m proud of our little brother.
How much do I have to donate to never be subjected to that We Are the World song again?
You’d think that any competition involving guns would be dominated by Americans, since it has to be a headache to practice elsewhere.
I love it when the Olympics is basically, “Believe me; some people would find this exciting.”
The proper way to greet a luge competitor is to use your hand to make an ‘L’ on your forehead and then shout, “Luuuuuuger!”
They have a documentary of Biden’s motorcade. It’s called Death Race 2000.
Can we send Obama to Canada for training? His European training hasn’t helped.
Superman is angry. They stole part of his Fortress of Solitude to build the Olympic torch.
Peggy Fleming was hurt in the Biden motorcade crash. I want to know 1; was a Kennedy driving, and 2; was the accident over a bridge? Why is it women are always getting hurt/killed in Democrat driving accidents?
We need a skating event that involves Tonya Harding and a pair of 1911’s in .45acp. “She jumps, she shoots, she scores!” That would be a butt kicking event. It could be called the Freestyle Skating Shot-dodging Event.
I love my little .22 Marlin. But it’s not a gun worthy of an Olympic sport. So, it isn’t surprising the Europeans dominate the biathlon.
Only the Scots could invent a sport of drunkenly pushing a stone while women scream and sweep.
Don’t laugh, Frank. The UK fell from glory in part thanks to entitlement debt and overwhelming governmental expansion. I’m just sayin’.
Europeans are only allowed to own air guns that are unable to kill even a groundhog.
Frank, I wouldn’t have known a redo of We Are The World even exists but for your constant tweeting about it. Take Lisa Simpsons’ advice. “Just don’t look.”
Why isn’t basketball a winter Olympic sport? It was invented to be a winter sport. The basketball season is in the winter. It’s almost as exciting as curling and sometimes involves shooting. I don’t get it!
Maybe France and Germany can combine into one country called France and Germany.
I’d prefer the name to be Germafrance, myself.
Nike is branching out and releasing its own brand of laxatives. Slogan: “Just poo it.”
they also make rubber’s with the slogan “Just Screw it”
They have a documentary of Biden’s motorcade. It’s called Death Race 2000.
Biden should walk.
They should add guns events other than skiing. Think how challenging it would be to hit targets after spinning around in figure skating.
pole vaulting and using gun at the sametime would be cool
You are behind the times, Mr. J. “Great Britain” was recently devalued. They are now “Very Good Britain.”
“France and Germany were once combined,
the separation of them produced a great internet meme.”
…The complete history of WWII, as taught in the future.
Other events could be improved by the strategic deployment
of curliing stones. Snowboard events should include curling stones
pushed into the halfpipe by spectators,
and I’d like to see the craters the stones
would make from the 120 meter ski jump.
It would be a challenge for jumpers to avoid them.
5 out of 5? These thoughts go all the way up to 11.
Not strange but true, many of those nations have laxer gun laws than Massamachusetts. In MA, possession of an unregistered air gun is subject to the state’s one year *mandatory* prison sentence for illegal gun possession. This applies to Red Riders. When I lived there, I gave away my squirrel killer rather than face the risk.
What to Curling, Twitter, and Aquaman have in common?
Speaking of bad 70s Science Fiction movies, the luge track seems to have been designed by somebody who watched “Rollerball” too many times. The commies sent doped up replicants, but at least they didn’t plant mantraps on the track sports.
I think the biathlon finals should be more like the finale of The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
“So is the Winter Olympics the elitist Olympics, since lots of poor countries don’t have snowy winters?”
No, but those athletes that train relentlessly for 10 years, getting up early to jog miles before others start their day, doing repetitive training, then finally stepping up and delivering an exceptional performance…they’re just winner’s of life’s lottery.
At least, that’s what Al Gore thinks.
This is what happens when you hollow out a cultures religious, national, and racial identity all in one generation.
Not all twitterers curl but all curlers twitter….do the math.
How It’s Made did a story on how they make those stone tea kettle things that was fairly interesting….
I’d say more so than watching curling but since I never have, I’m just guessing.