The Parker Spitzer show is not doing well in the ratings. I guess this isn’t surprising since absolutely no one thought anyone would want to watch a faux-conservative and Client Number Nine. In fact, the idea of the show sounded literally insane and whoever came up with it probably needs psychological help. Still, I thought I should at least try and help and come up with a cool slogan for the show that might get people interested. Because I’m a nice guy.
PARKER SPITZER SLOGANS
“We’re not sure why it exists either.”
“An abomination before both God and man.”
“We don’t have any idea what we’ll do when Larry King finally kicks it, so we’re just panicking and doing crazy things.”
“Here’s what it takes to get people to rather watch Olbermann.”
“Two people no one wants to hear from together for reasons no one can fathom.”
“Come for the freak show! Only a nickel a gander!”
“This is your 24-hour news channel on drugs. Any questions?”
“A cry for help.”
“It’s a hipster ironic thing and you’re not getting it.”
“Just know someone won a bet actually getting this on the air.”
Almost half of all watchers say it’s better than The View.
* “A study group found that most viewers would prefer watching MarkoMancuso comb his German Shepherd for forty-five minutes.”
* “Still better than Krugman-Lohan.”
* “Would you watch it if we replaced Parker with the Scorpio Killer? He has the right to a lawyer! The big one, Callahan! He did this to me!”
“
Take him to Detroit!Make him watch Parker Spitzer!”“No! No, not
DetroitParker Spitzer! No! No, please! Anything but that!”I have absolutely no clue who Parker Spitzer is, Frank. I am not marginally cultured. 🙁
Who would have thought pairing a couple of boring shallow talking heads with no personality would fail so badly? We need to investigate who Olberman bribed over at CNN to pull this off.
marco #3 LOL
@Marko: The Scorpio guy would be much more entertaining. After each question, he would shout, “I gots to know! I gots to know!”
Jimmy,
With a name like Parker Spitzer, he’s probably a stuck up posh twit.
Oh, you mean Eliot Spitzer and Kathleen Parker have a show? Now I get it. But I’m still not marginally cultured (places index finger on tongue and gags…).
“Quick! Watch it now! Hurry! Oh no, it’s too -“
From the writers of “Hello Larry!”
* It’s either this or a Gilmore Girls rerun.
* She promised she’d strip one day…you don’t wanna miss that do ya?
* Parker-Spitzer. The NPR of cable news shows.
* Watch our descent into madness!
DamnCat, a colonoscopy is better than The View.
“Watch our show or we’ll go back to our day jobs.”
@Alan: a colonoscopy by Bubba the wonder thug is better than the view.
When you’re a liberal, who works at a liberal network, and all of your friends are liberal, and you don’t know any actual Americans that work toward success every day and love America, this kind of crap seems like a good idea.
*almost as good as real TV!*
So when does Parker turn to Spitzer and say “Elliot, you ignorant slut”?