(Note: This is one of the Train Wreck Posts. As promised. Oh, and HIGH PRAISE! to shiggz for the suggestion.- Basil)
One of the good things about TiVo is that I don’t have to think about what airs when. If I find a show I like, I can just tell it to record something, and it’s there for me. It just shows up. Like it’s Christmas every day! The “Looky what I got” Christmas, not the “God sent His Son to save us” Christmas.
The drawback is that I no longer pay much attention to what all shows come on. Since I don’t have to worry about when my shows air, I don’t check the listings, and don’t see what else airs. I discover new shows by seeing promos about them before I hit the fast-forward button during breaks, by hearing people talk about it, or from it showing up on TiVo suggestions. I don’t often use TiVo’s Guru Guides, because they all list shows that either suck, or that sound like they suck. Most of the shows, anyway. But I don’t blame TiVo. I blame the fact that there aren’t many shows on TV that would appeal to conservatives.
We need more conservative shows. Like these:
- Bitch-slapping Olbermann
- When Animals Attack, We Kill Them And Eat Them
- MST3K Special: Hardball with Chris Mathews
- Cooking With Bacon
- Bitch-slapping Obama
- Mythbusting Liberals
- Where Are They Now: Democrats
- Dancing On Their Graves
- Bitch-slapping the guy that runs the TSA
- SEC Football
- It’s Bacon!
- The John Wayne Channel
- The Surreal Life In Space
- Bitch-slapping Harry Reid
- Dirty Jobs Special: Cleaning Up Congress
- Blowing Stuff Up
- The R Lee Ermey Channel
What shows would you like to see?
Boy, I tell ya’, that “Bitch Slapping” series could be a great one. I can only come up with in excess of 535 different shows to air, right off the top of my head.
“Triage for Freedom”
We sell California to Mexico and New York to Canada. Then we build a fence along their borders.
My apologies to those good people who are trapped there. Sorry you have to take one to save team freedom.
“Bitch Slapping Oberman” and sometimes Matthews…. happens all the time on Kruiser Control on PJTV.com It’s a TV show, just not on TV. 😀 And yes. A whole channel of R. Lee Irby. Excellent. He’s awesome.
R Lee Ermey bitch slapping Olberman, Matthews, Madow and Obama in a special Liberal Boot Camp run by R Lee Ermey! No Namby Pamby Land available as an option! To Maddow, “where are you from girl? Where? Why only queers and steers come from there and I don’t see any horns!”
-hippies vs unions the thunderdome solution
-shoot first forgive later
-awesome ways to put your eye out
-why dont I smell something burning?
-foreign policy introspective- lasers or rockets?
-to nuke or not to nuke
-yer doin it wrong
-how to frighten a frenchmen
-scarin Swedes
-boning Brazilians
-shoot or stab?
-burn or explode?
-pet or dinner?
-can you irritate lesbians more then yeast
-name this country we bombed
-nuke a glacier
-drill something
-fixin the government special duct tape edition
-history of mullets
-boobs, mud, guns
Monty Python’s Lame Duck Congress: And Now For Something Completely Different
jeezusland: guns, bibles, and slurpees
Let’s Roll!
Real Housewives of Alaska
Leave me the @#$! alone!
Wipeout! Gitmo
I like Wipeout! Gitmo. I think we should add Gators though.
“Plink the Border”
“Ice road liberals – spring edition”
“Obermann Vs wild.”
“Cogressionnal Jarts & Flipflops”
“America’s Funniest Teleprompter” -the show where you decide whats in the next Obama speech.
“Celebrity Trailer Park” – Not a real show, but we get a real trailer park in Nevada, fill it with washed out Celebrities, and tell them we are filming a reality show. We don’t actually film anything we are just messing with them.
Basil, the only thing more guaranteed than a Southerner assuming that there is no footballl outside of the SSSSSSSSSEEEEECCCCC is my responding to said assumptions.
Diabolical! I love it!
Bitch Slapping with Fred Thompson
Bitch Slapping with John Bolton
Bitch Slapping with Megyn Kelly (!)
Bitch Slapping with Ann Coulter (!)
Oh. I guess the name of the show is “Bitch Slapping With Conservatives”
(Sorry, I just regained power after a 50-knot blizzard.)
Cornbread from scratch (cause from a box is just WRONG!)
Field dressing hippies of the north east
Field dressing hippies of the northwest
Proper disposal of hippies (A show for the tree huggers that have not been hunted and field dressed)
Dinosaurs cooking cornbread with rockets
Dinosaurs cooking bacon with rockets
Dinosaurs cooking olberdouche with rockets
Democrats or Dobermans – 2 Enter the Pit – Only 1 Exits
What’s in this bucket? (guess who would star in that one)
America’s Funniest Home Invasions! (this would probably film in Detroit or Chicago)
Ronald Reagan, Cyborg
Two and a Half Men, the life of Michael Moore
Lighting Stuff on Fire and Shooting Stuff From a Cannon
Congressional Knife Fight!
I’m not sure what to call it, but I would pay good money to watch Chris Christie hacking up the teachers union with a broadsword.
@Hwuu
-Obama teleprompter mad-libs FTW!
I once observed how oddly similar the lifestyles and personalities of trailer parks and mansions.
I also meant to add
“Hippie Carwash”
=one man – one high pressure sprayer – and an unemployment line full of hippies.
Who wants to watch SEC football? They already have the Big Ten Network for all the good football games. 🙂
While not TV shows, I recently encountered these magazine articles in my favorite trade journals:
“Producing Usable Urban Methane With Liberal Carcasses – A Practical Approach”
“The Chemistry of Harvesting Liberals As Renewable Biofuel”
“Large-scale Composting Of Liberals As An Organic Fertilizer Alternative”
“Using Liberal By-products In The Chemical Industry: We’re Missing A Bet”
And these two were really good, also:
“101 Easy Tips For Getting Hippies Out Of Your Town – With Minimum Blood Letting”
“101 Easy Tips For Getting Hippies Out Of Your Town – With Maximum Blood Letting”
That particular magazine was unusually “fair and balanced” to provide both approaches, I think.
American Flopper: Barney Frank and Harry Reid compete each week to see which one can lie the most.
Congressman v. The Wild: We drop a congressman off in the remote wilderness each week. We don’t bother sending a camera crew or anyone else to follow them, nor do we bother checking up on them. All are presumed lost.
Who’s Smarter than a Politician? (No explanation needed.)
Behind Bars — Congress Edition: We put all Congress members behind bars for a week in . The fun starts when they are forced to make the decision between Rikers, San Quentin, Pelican Bay or Chino. The show becomes so popular thatcornbreadcornbread we make it a series and never let them out.
Intervention — Presidential Special: We hold an intervention with Obama to make him stop spending money. Chris Christie heads up the team with Fred Thompson, Chuck Norris, Ted Nugent, Ann Coulter, Dale Peterson and that crazy Republican guy who ran for county supervisor. One of the standard bits is that Dale and Ted randomly shoot stuff in the Oval Office during the session each week.
Who Took My Waffles: Each week, Obama tries to figgure out who stole his waffles.
@plenty-o: The show could be Shooting People Who Make Cornbread Out of a Box? Answer: Liberals. Why: Making cornbread from a box doesn’t taste as good and is no more difficult than making it from scratch, but like all other things liberal, it costs more.
We might air on the cooking channel, Cornmeal and Gun Powder: Coarseness Matters!
Sorry, random pasting from the buffer. It shoulda coulda woulda been:
Behind Bars — Congress Edition: We put all Congress members behind bars for a week. The fun starts when they are forced to make the decision between Rikers, San Quentin, Pelican Bay or Chino. The show becomes so popular that we make it a series and never let them out.
Ernie Loco, as a fan of a Big Ten team – Penn State, I am willing to submit that your assertion is bordering on the ridiculous. While it is nice that no Big Ten players are being investigated by the FBI like some SEC players, the fact remains that most games on the Big Ten Network are the likes of Indiana vs. Minnesota and not the likes of Wisconsin vs. Ohio State
Total Recall – The story of the Johnson & Johnson corporation
I’ve always been a fan of crossover episodes – f’rinstance, Buffy and Angel. I see lots of great potential here for crossover shows: as an example, “Mythbusters” and “Blowing Stuff Up” really are the same show.
Your new network has to have a Christmas special featuring stars of your shows. May I suggest:
“R. Lee Ermey and the Mythbuster Guys Bitch-Slapping Liberals And Then Blowing Them Up”
I dont have a title for this one, but it would be one of those secret camera shows.
We put stickers inside buckets that say ” the smartest man in the world can’t fit this bucket over his head.” Then we leave the buckets laying around on the Whitehouse lawn.
Hippie punching with the stars.
Border minefield channel (compiles video from the entire border to show whenever some idiot illegal crosses our border after we install a minefield)
Nightly News
This is a programming idea that may be ahead of its time. In a way, “Nightly News” would be sort of like the news shows we have today, except they would have what I call “investigative journalists” that would actually look up facts about the subjects they cover. So, instead of just reading on air what it says on the daily DNC talking points sheet about republicans, we would follow these “journalists” when they searched for the truth about republicans or conservatives. And, likewise, instead of just saying what it says on the daily DNC talking points sheet about democrats, they would also go out and investigate democrats to find out the truth about them, as well. Perhaps the most innovative part of the “Nightly News” would be that the show would leave it up to viewers to choose how they felt about the items they reported, and the only time the show would appear to take sides would be when our country was involved in the story, in which case the show and viewers would, of course, begin with the assumption that the United States is not evil.
Too radical there Son of Bob, waaaaay too radical. It’ll never fly.
Basil, you’re doing a great job 🙂 I actually was wondering how Frank could have posted something like this from vacation lol. Thanks for posting more for the time being!!!! (Hope you keep it up after he gets back too; good stuff.)
I think a sports nerwork with shows like:
– Hippies vs. Orcs (for Lord Of The Rings fans like me)
– Liberals vs. rabid pit bulls
– Panzers vs Community Organizers
– Palin vs Obama (see Panzers vs Community Organizers)
– Hippies vs Soap
Or a cooking show
– Hippie Fondue
For network TV
– Law and Order Hippy Beatings Unit
– Who’s Isn’t Smarter Than a Democrat?
– Dancing With The Assault Rifle
– Fred Thompson Comedy Hour
Dancing with the Czars
What’s My Lie?
Little House on the Market
Crazy Like a Sheila Jackson-Lee
Health Care She Wrote
Wall Street Blues
Happy T-day to the bestest blog ever.
The R. Lee Ermey show with a special guest Jackwagon each episode – Barney Frank would be the first…
RNC’s Extreme Makeover – Starring Sarah Palin and the Tea Party. Watch as Republican Party RINO’s take it up the old keister in a real tearjerker!
Whatchu Gonna Do When They Come For You? – Starring Alex Jones and prisoners of his Prison Planet in a round-table discussion of gold, ammo, survival and strategy.
Don’t Lie To Me – Starring Dick Cheney and a fully loaded, pump-action shotgun. Dick interviews various socialists, picks an argument and then blows their heads clean off.
Opera Whimpfree – Megyn Kelly, Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin interview fat, ugly, dumb female Democrats and reveal them as the fat, ugly, dumb female Democrats they truly are. The fat ladies sing and get pied.
Undercover CinC: Obama and dem leaders have to gear up and clear a house full of tangos in A-stan.
The R. Lee Ermey channel? Hells yeah, sign me up!
CSI:Pelosi’s Bedroom
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